[FFML] [orig][oneshot] The Enigmatic Maiden

[Abdiel]

And to those interested, here's the Fiction Press link as well.

https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3198702/1/


On Wed, May 21, 2014 at 3:45 AM, Abdiel <chester.castaneda at gmail.com> wrote:

> Some otaku I turned out to be. How could I claim to be an "obsessive"
> fan of manga and anime without ever doing this?
>
> I was already in high school, living within a stone's throw away from
> the Akihabara District, yet it was only now, after about a year of
> moving there in the Electric Town that I was able to visit my first
> ever maid cafe.
>
> I went to the Cat Girl Maid Cafe, to be exact. It featured maids with
> cat ears on them. Truly, it was the pinnacle of maid cafe innovation
> that would change the landscape of this niche market forever.
>
> I realized quickly that I wasn't in the same level of "otakuness" as my
> upperclassman... Daigoro Sawada, third year... because I ended up
> absolutely bewildered by the whole "Moe moe kyun, nya!" chant and
> ceremony offered by my adorable maid waitress who was serving my meal.
>
> It was my understanding that the chant was supposed to serve as a "magic
> spell" to make my dish tastier. It only served to creep me out.
> Incidentally, I ordered a "fried shrimp omelet rice" with a personalized
> ketchup message atop it. "Welcome to the Cat Girl Maid Cafe, Okinawa-
> san!" it said.
>
> Except _Okinawa_ wasn't even my name. It was Okiname, for goodness's
> sake. I was supposed to pay 3,500 yen for this crap? Just because it was
> given a "magic spell" by some cutesy waitress in a cat girl and/or maid
> uniform? Don't give me that bullshit! How lonely and bereft of female
> interaction were Akiba's otaku population anyway?
>
> These were the thoughts occupying my mind as I took a deuce at the men's
> room. I was about finished with my business, unlocking the door to my
> stall to ponder more about the mysteries of otaku when I saw this
> beautiful, doll-like waitress enter, her body emanating a flowery scent
> as her skin exuded softness I couldn't begin to describe.
>
> 'Did I enter the women's WC by mistake?' I thought to myself as I kept
> the stall's door almost closed with the tips of my fingers while
> peering through the narrow slit of an opening.
>
> Shit, what if more girls started coming in? I could've sworn I entered
> the men's room! Maybe someone was playing a prank on me and pasted a
> men's room sign on the women's room before removing it later? This was
> illegal, right?
>
> At any rate, the girl didn't see that there was a guy... me... inside
> the comfort room, and she started undressing then and there in a hurry.
>
> I couldn't move a muscle. What in the world was happening? I was...
> trapped!
>
> It then occurred to me that the women's room did not, in fact, have
> urinals on the wall. Maybe. _I_ was the one who entered the right room!
> It was this klutzy waitress who entered in the wrong room!
>
> God, she had such white, flawless skin, like she were a dairy product
> turned into human flesh. Not to mention the pinkest nipples I'd ever
> seen!
>
> There must've been a short circuit in my brain, because I had the bright
> idea to call her attention and whisper, "H-Hey, Miss! You're in the
> wrong stall!" I must've been thinking with my dick that time.
>
> She turned, half-naked, her underpants and stockings on her knees,
> revealing the creamiest thighs around. Even though she had the flattest
> of chests I'd ever seen in a girl, the pureness of her body and the
> cuteness of her pouting lips made my heart flutter.
>
> She let out a small, coquettish yelp as she covered herself the best she
> could while I myself covered my eyes and screamed internally.
>
> She looked like he was about to bolt when the door to the men's room
> swung open. Before I knew it, I was shoved back into my stall altogether
> by her. She ran into me in her panic, flinging her gym bag that was
> supposed to house her change of clothes as a whole throng of customers
> entered the WC.
>
> What the hell was going on here?
>
>
> ========================================================================
>
>
> The Enigmatic Maiden
> By Abdiel
>
> I'm trying my hand at first-person POV while I'm undergoing a bit of a
> writer's block on my other projects. Should be fun.
>
>
> ========================================================================
>
>
> When I was in high school, I was considered a shadow. If I were in an
> anime, I'd be one of those background characters in a still frame, never
> moving, and placed there to make the scene look "fuller" than before. I
> kind of liked it better this way, because when I was in middle school, I
> was the center of attention... in all the wrong ways.
>
> I was a huge crybaby who got bullied so hard my family had to transfer
> schools while I myself had to go to therapy to get over my suicidal
> thoughts and my alleged "post-traumatic stress disorder".
>
> Therefore, ending up being "The Shadow" of my school was a lot better
> than what had happened to me before, when I ended up the butt of
> everyone's jokes, I had no friends to speak of whatsoever, and everyone
> had something to whisper about me behind my back.
>
> In my present high school, I at least ended up being friends with the
> resident weirdo otaku in campus, becoming the cliche "quiet, bland, and
> uninteresting" guy of our gang. "Boy A", if you will.
>
> The unofficial "leader" of our trio was the biggest, fattest, dumbest,
> and most annoying super otaku of an upperclassman around; the president
> of the manga club, Sawada-sempai. He was _that guy_ who regularly
> reenacted scenes of his favorite anime and pulled out anime quotes out
> of the blue without any ability to practice tact or read the mood. That
> was him in a nutshell.
>
> The two of us in sempai's posse... the so-called "Dead Kids Society", as
> our detractors would call our group (Because we were people with "no
> lives", hence "Dead Kids")... would retract our heads into our collars
> like turtles in shame whenever he talked about the virtues of Char
> Aznabel for the whole school to hear (even though the original Gundam
> was shown before he or any of us were born and he only knew about the
> series thanks to the Super Robot Wars game).
>
> When sempai walked, he shuffled, his hands inside his pockets like K
> from King of Fighters while wearing a trench coat, of all things. If I
> didn't have any other choice in friends, I wouldn't be associating with
> these guys. Luckily (or unluckily), I was considered the most "normal"
> among our trio of nerds... for good or for ill.
>
> As a side note, their fearless leader was once exposed for the charlatan
> that he was with eighth-grade syndrome to boot (long story short, he was
> a poser with delusions of grandeur) when he said that the quote, "When I
> was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a
> child. Now that I am a man, I have no more use for childish ways," was
> from the original 1995 Ghost in the Shell movie.
>
> Holy shit.
>
> This all came to a head when someone at last year's Comiket (it was my
> first Comiket, in fact) corrected him and pointed out that it was
> actually Ghost in the Shell that quoted that passage from the Bible
> (which was exactly right).
>
> Full of bluster, sempai never accepted the correction and his debate
> with this other guy devolved into who had watched the most anime series
> and read the most manga. They also threw in phrases like "Ad hominem
> attack" and "Strawman Arguments" into the fray. It was quite the
> pathetic sight. I myself would never do anything like that in light of
> my past middle school trauma regarding bullying.
>
> Then again, sempai was essentially a grown-up kid from middle school
> posing as a third-year high school senior anyway. I never had the heart
> to tell him by the time the convention was over that the other guy was
> right and he was completely, unequivocally wrong (it was a quote from 1
> Corinthians 13:11, to be exact).
>
> Anyway, aside from myself and Sawada-sempai, there was also Hinami: The
> "Boy B" to my "Boy A". To those who'd read Ranma 1/2, he was the
> Hiroshi to my Daisuke... or maybe it was the other way around. To those
> who'd read or watched the Suzumiya Haruhi media franchise, he was the
> Kunikida to my Taniguchi... or vice-versa.
>
> Hinami and I were also collectively called "that weirdo otaku Sawada's
> friends" (no one ever  bothered remembering our names thanks to the
> borderline autistic hi-jinks of our crazy sempai).
>
> Although I would hate to somehow compare my idiotic, boisterous, and
> poseur of an upperclassman to Ranma or Kyon (as if), if I were
> completely honest with myself, the rest of the world (or at least the
> rest of the school) probably viewed Hinami and I as interchangeable
> faceless nobodies that served as sidekicks to the disgusting otaku
> known as Daigoro Sawada.
>
> All the same, Hinami was the only guy I could trust with my unbelievable
> encounter with a cat-eared maid the first time I went to a  maid cafe in
> Akihabara.
>
>
> ===
>
>
> "You wouldn't believe what happened to me last Friday, man," I greeted
> Hinami as I entered the manga clubroom after classes.
>
> It was a lazy Monday afternoon. Hinami and I were alone in our clubroom.
> To be honest, it was more like a spare storage supply room for the
> officially recognized Arts and Crafts Club. In contrast, in our Manga
> Club, no one could actually draw, so we talked more about manga, anime,
> light novels, and visual novels instead of creating them.
>
> For some reason (maybe it was my imagination), Hinami looked a lot paler
> than usual. Like a ferret or a meerkat, his head shot up in attention as
> soon as I spoke, his eyes almost as big as the coke-bottle glasses he
> wore that magnified them to cartoonish proportions instead of hid them.
>
> His bullies must have been giving him a rough time again, calling him
> a girly man and whatnot (complete with trite Arnold Schwarzenegger
> impersonations).
>
> His bullying had gotten so intense that I cringed for his sake while
> getting flashbacks of my own trials and tribulations in middle school.
> He had people writing on his desk, taking away his shoes from his
> locker, whispering behind his back, and so forth.
>
> So I gave him a break. I befriended the smartest guy in our class, even
> though he could be quite the jerk at times when I was merely trying to
> be nice to him.
>
> He eventually cleared his throat, wiped his sweat, and said, "Whatever.
> Try me, Okinawa-kun."
>
> "I just lost my virginity."
>
> It took all of one second for him to reply, "Bullshit. What really
> happened?"
>
> "...Yeah, I was only messing with you, but something just as
> unbelievable happened to me, dude! I swear!"
>
> "Then stop beating around the bush and tell me, man."
>
> "...I saw a maid waitress changing her clothes in the men's room of an
> Akiba maid cafe and we somehow ended up inside a stall together!"
>
> "...W-Waitress?"
>
> "Yeah."
>
> Hinami's shoulders slumped down as he looked away and breathed out what
> sounded to me as a disdainful sigh. I didn't think my story was all
> _that_ farfetched or underwhelming.
>
> What was he expecting anyway? That I ran into a middle of a hidden
> camera porno shoot? Even with someone who underreacted as much as him,
> he could at least showcase a modicum of surprise.
>
> "...So what manga did you steal that scenario from?"
>
> "Well, _fuck_ you too, man."
>
>
> ===
>
>
> Back at some Akihabara Maid Cafe that I finally had the guts to visit
> after a year of living in the supposed Electric Town of Japan...
>
> "Hey, did you see what they did to the Aku no Hana anime, man? Pure
> 3DPD! Nakamura looked absolutely ridiculous! Would not touch with a ten-
> foot pole!" said one of the throng of nerds who entered the CR while I
> and... this girl before me were cramped up inside the narrow stall, her
> legs straddling my knee as I sat back down the porcelain throne I had
> previously used. I felt and smelled her minty breath on my neck.
>
> I eventually lost track of the conversation outside the stall we were
> stuck in. While I myself was an anime fan, I couldn't keep up with the
> current otaku culture and lingo.
>
> I knew enough to know what "hiding your power level" signified (in that
> I never showcased my interest in cartoons in public, unlike my idiot
> sempai), but not enough to understand _exactly_ what "moe" meant or even
> the concept of having a "2D" waifu. That baffled me.
>
> This was probably why Sawada-sempai called me a "filthy casual" who
> "needed to watch more anime to get to his level". Yes, the idiot who
> thought a bible verse quote originated from an anime film had the gall
> to tell me that.
>
> At any rate, there she was, this cute and mysterious maid, holding me
> close in an embrace, her skirt hiked up, the buttons on her blouse
> undone, the smell of her fragrant lilac perfume tickling my nose hairs
> and covering the stench I had left earlier, and her flat chest and puffy
> nipples seemingly pointing straight at me... accusingly so, almost.
>
> I was also rudely pointing at her, but not with my fingers, which I used
> to hold her steady after she unceremoniously pushed me inside the stall.
> What was this? Some sort of love comedy? A girl klutzy enough to undress
> in the men's room just pushed me and herself into a cramped stall? How
> was my brain supposed to process this?
>
> What a mess. What was this girl doing in the men's room anyway? Wasn't
> there supposed to be an employee's dressing room of some sort in this
> cafe? Why couldn't she change her clothes there? There were all sorts
> of people in the world, I guess.
>
> She whispered, "You can let go of me now."
>
> "Ah, sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to...!"
>
> I instantly did what she said and looked away, my face on fire. This was
> the first time I've ever seen a girl naked... for real. This wasn't a
> drawing or cartoon of a naked woman or an image from an adult video. It
> was the real deal. It was a surreal experience.
>
> All I'm waiting for now was a scream of "HENTAI!" or "YOU'RE THE WORST!"
> and my Rom Com Bingo Card would be complete. Was I dreaming? Maybe that
> stupid "magic spell" that the maid who served my omelet rice did sent
> me to an enchanted world where manga cliches were rampant and true. Or
> maybe she put something in my food after seeing the surly, cynical look
> I probably gave her when she started doing her "spell". Who knew?
>
> Instead of doing the expected, the girl before me sniffled quietly and
> wiped the flow of tears on her eyes. Even in her distressed state, she
> only managed to look cuter and cuter. What did the protagonists from
> stories such as this do around this time anyway?
>
> With Akane Tendo, Ranma was usually sent flying to the sky whenever he
> accidentally ran into her while changing. With Haruhi Suzumiya, it took
> sometime before Haruhi herself pushed Kyon away when she undressed;
> usually, she didn't care whether or not men or women were around when
> she was changing her clothes. However, if it were Kyon in front of her,
> she showed that she actually did care for her modesty.
>
> Great. None of those instances helped me in the least, so I blathered
> the first thing that entered my mind: "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'll
> turn myself in to the police! Please, stop crying! I didn't mean to
> molest you!"
>
> Nothing said, "Complete Virgin Who Has Barely If Ever Interacted with a
> Girl All His Life" more than those pathetic statements. I even
> conveniently forgot that it was _her_ who entered the men's room and
> _she_ wasn't supposed to be there, not the other way around.
>
> "You saw, didn't you?" she probed as she bit her quivering lower lip.
>
> "No! I didn't! I definitely didn't! I closed my eyes as soon as I
> could!" I whispered as the otaku outside continued talking about evil
> flowers or something.
>
> "You're lying! You did see it, didn't you?" she whispered back. "The jig
> is up! You're going to tell everyone about me, Okiname-kun!"
>
> "I won't! I won't! I swear I won't! You didn't mean to change inside the
> men's room! You probably thought the employee locker room was too
> cramped, crowded, or something! I don't know! What were you doing here
> anyway?"
>
> We both paused then we chorused, "Eh?" as we tilted our heads at each
> other. Back up. Back the fuck up. I only noticed it now in my panic, but
> we were having two different conversations going on.
>
> "H-How did you know my name? A-And what do you mean I'm going to tell
> everyone about you?"
>
> She shuddered, turned her head to the side, and smoothed her skirt while
> buttoning up her blouse. "I... I heard Aoi-chan ask you for your name.
> That's how I found out you're Okinawa-kun... or rather, _Okiname_-kun,
> Mister Customer. Also, I was afraid you'll tell my boss how I
> accidentally ended up in the men's room. I might even get fired!"
>
> I scratched my head in order to jog my memory. Oh yeah. That stupid
> "spell" on the omelet rice included having the maid write a customized
> dedication to the customers. "Okinawa-kun" and whatnot. "O-Okay. Don't
> worry, I won't tell anyone what happened here. It's out little secret."
>
> "W-What about you, um... Okiname-kun, was it? When you said you didn't
> see anything, you meant it, right?"
>
> My face flared anew as I covered my mouth, coughed, and said, "I may
> have peeked a little. And saw something."
>
> She gave me a blank stare before asking, "You didn't see anything too
> naughty, did you, Mister Customer?"
>
> "O-Of course not! You've already pushed me inside this stall before I
> could take a good look... n-not that I wanted to or anything! I-I'm not
> a pervert!" came my defensive rant. Lame. I sounded like one of those
> dense, beta male MCs who couldn't talk to women for the life of them yet
> somehow women rained down on them like they were god's gift to
> womankind.
>
> I detested those people, yet look at me, acting just like I were one of
> them. Curse my existence and hypocrisy. I then gulped hard at the
> thought of seeing more than this girl's flat chest and her thighs before
> she pushed me inside the stall.
>
> The maid before me heaved a sigh reserved for people who've been given a
> stay of execution before she altogether giggled. "You look so adorable
> when you're flustered, Okiname-kun!"
>
> I laughed along with her until I saw that her small, dainty hands were
> still shaking. Of course, they were. She was inside a bathroom stall
> with a man. The poor thing must be petrified.
>
> "Oh, you were changing just now, right?" I turned and faced the opposite
> direction, the toilet's tank right in front of me as I confronted the
> vandalized wall. "Please do."
>
> "Oh, um... this stall is far too cramped for me to change clothes..."
> she trailed off.
>
> "Of course. What was I thinking? I faced her again, our eyes meeting,
> and somehow a faint sense of familiarity dawned to me that I couldn't
> quite place. It faded as the shy lady turned away and opted to put back
> on the clothes she was planning to discard.
>
> "I guess we're trapped for now. I sure wish those guys would leave
> soon."
>
> "Yeah," I said lamely, too mesmerized by the shape of her posterior and
> the slimness of her waist. I then got flashbacks of women calling me a
> pervert for catching me staring at their buttocks for far too long and
> whatnot, which prompted me to turn away before this one shy girl who
> dared talk to me without revulsion also saw me as a pervert.
>
> "You were looking at my butt, weren't you?"
>
> Well, so much for that slim hope. "...Yes."
>
> "How was it?"
>
> "Pardon?"
>
> "Does this dress make my butt look big?"
>
> I winced. I had far too little experience in dealing with women and
> their insanity... I was an only child, I never had friends who were
> girls (which was ironic, seeing how many of them put me in the Friend
> Zone when I confessed my love for them)... to know how to properly
> answer the "Does this dress make me look fat?" question.
>
> I gave it the ol' college try, though. "I think that uniform looks good
> on you. And your butt." I sank faster than the Titanic when it hit the
> iceberg. 'Help,' I thought to no one in particular.
>
> She nodded and grinned as she shook her behind at me. "Good to know.
> Thank you, Mister Customer." Meanwhile, I had a mini heart attack that
> prompted me to sit back down the toilet bowl below me.
>
>
> ===
>
>
> Ever the master of the poker face, the glare on the bespectacled
> Hinami's glasses nearly blinded me as he drawled, "So what doujinshi,
> light novel, or amateur web novel are you trying to write this time,
> Okiname-kun?"
>
> "I'm telling you, that's what happened!" I said, although I was starting
> to have doubts with what my memory told me. I'd read online that
> people's memories could lie to them sometimes, such that there were
> instances when we'd remember details that didn't actually happen as we
> try to recall events from the past.
>
> Maybe that flirtatious maid in the cat maid cafe didn't shake her behind
> at me and it was all my imagination? On the other hand, it was hard to
> forget something like that if it were to happen to anyone who was
> straight.
>
> Meanwhile, I was also under the impression that there was no right
> answer when it came to the "Does this dress make me look fat?" question.
>
> I still have no idea how I got through that predicament unscathed with a
> butt jiggle for my troubles. Maybe she did that exactly because no one
> would ever believe me if I told them what happened?
>
> "I believe the likelier scenario would be you getting caught acting like
> a pervert, then your mind wandered off as she scolded you for your
> sexual harassment," theorized the pint-sized squirt before me.
>
> "Is it so hard to believe that women would flirt with me?"
>
> "Yes," said Hinami without a second thought.
>
> His smartness made him insufferable at times, although in this instance,
> even I was wondering why a maid from a maid cafe whom I accidentally
> peeked on would suddenly flirt with me. Maybe I creeped her out so
> thoroughly that she used her feminine charms to cope with the situation
> prior to her escape? Did I look that much of a pervert to people?
>
> "Maybe she got creeped out by you so much that she flirted with you to
> distract you and escape? I mean, you can't blame her for feeling
> threatened," the high-IQ, low-EQ Hinami took the words right out of my
> mouth. I grumbled, but I didn't exactly deny his point all the same.
>
> What an asshole. Why was I friends with Mister High-and-Mighty with
> Napoleonic Tendencies again?
>
> Hinami was the guy who was at the top of our class but was too small in
> stature to be of any use in sports. Of course, my own clumsiness and
> disinterest in anything athletic made us almost indistinguishable from
> each other for most people (he was smarter than me by leaps and bounds
> in academics, though).
>
> My supposed counterpart was a bespectacled, mousy nerd who was even
> more bullied than I was when people discovered how onion-skinned I was
> in middle school.
>
> I don't quite remember how we became friends, but here we were. I even
> got my share of bullying because of my insistence in associating with
> the twerp, although thankfully by that time, I'd gone through so much
> middle school bullying that I'd become rather desensitized by it. I'd
> already seen worse, so bring it on, you goddamn "normal" scum, as
> Sawada-sempai would say.
>
> Sawada-sempai, Hinami-kun, and I were still on the lowest part of the
> totem pole when it came to the class hierarchy, and many of sempai's
> classmates thought it was lame for him to have only "kids" that he could
> "fool" as his friends.
>
> However, I'd still standby that lame man through thick and thin since he
> was around to hang out and talk about manga and anime with us during the
> time when both me and Hinami were having difficulties finding any
> friends in our own class.
>
> Sempai wasn't the confrontational type, and he was a bit of a coward
> himself (on top of being a poser). However, when the chips were down, he
> gave us two a club to hang out in and be ourselves. For that, I would
> forever be grateful to him.
>
> "...So she was just trying to get away from me?" I mumbled under my
> breath, but somehow Hinami was able to understand my words.
>
> "Well, maybe. Maybe not. I mean, sure, it'd make it look weird for her
> to scream inside the men's room about you being a pervert, since she
> wasn't supposed to be inside there in the first place, but if she did
> consider what happened as sexual harassment, then she would've reported
> it to the police by now."
>
> I shrugged as I said, "I guess..."
>
> "What else happened?"
>
> "Well..."
>
>
> ===
>
>
> Back at some Akihabara Maid Cafe I finally had the guts to visit after
> a year of living in the supposed Electric Town...
>
> We both blushed as we finally paid attention and overheard what the
> throng of otaku outside the stalls said.
>
> "Stinking normals! If you're going to flirt, get a room at a love hotel
> or something! Don't go having sex anywhere you want! What are you
> animals?"
>
> "Man, this is why 2D is better than 3DPD! Bitches and whores, man! Doing
> it inside a bathroom? Absolutely disgusting! You normals make me sick!"
>
> "I bet one of them is recording the footage of them doing it right now!
> Well, sorry for interrupting your raunchy rendezvous, normies! Honestly,
> showing off your pig disgusting relationships...!"
>
> They sounded just like Sawada-sempai when he talked about his "waifu".
> Luckily, neither I nor the flirty klutz of a maid before me could
> understand a word they were saying.
>
> We breathed a collective sigh of relief when they finally left.
>
> "I'm sure glad they're gone," she said.
>
> "Hey, if you want, I could go out and serve as your lookout in case
> anyone else wanted to enter while you changed clothes," I offered.
>
> "Actually, there was supposed to be a 'Closed for Maintenance' sign
> outside that I hung before changing my clothes here," she said as she
> rapped her head with her knuckles and stuck her tongue out. "Did it
> fall off or...?"
>
> I checked and sure enough, the sign did get turned around, such that the
> back instead of the front of the sign was showing. I put the sign back
> in its right position so that no further interferences or awkward
> incidents would happen.
>
> "I was already on the toilet when you hung it and entered the men's
> room to change, so..." I reminded.
>
> "I guess it couldn't be helped. I'll just change back somewhere
> else..."
>
> A wave of impulsiveness gripped my heart. This wasn't something unusual,
> though. I had done this to many a pretty girl who talked to me for more
> than a few minutes without revulsion. "C-Can I have your phone number?"
>
> "Eh? Whatever for, Okiname-kun?"
>
> "I... I just want to see you again," I said. Inwardly, I sighed in
> relief. At least I didn't tell her that I loved her at first sight and I
> want to go out with her within mere minutes of meeting her. And seeing
> her naked. That was borderline sexual harassment, wasn't it?
>
> I couldn't help it. She was definitely flirting with me when she shook
> her butt at me... right? Or was that just a joke? It was too late for
> regrets.
>
> She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, Okiname-kun. I don't think you'll ever see
> me again."
>
> "EH? You're not going to work at this maid cafe anymore?"
>
> "Yeah, I think I'm going to quit now."
>
> "...Is it because of me?" I queried, half-afraid that she'd report me to
> the police, my mind formulating various explanations on why the whole
> thing was a big misunderstanding. Besides, she was the one who had the
> bright idea to change her clothes in the men's room!
>
> "N-No, it's nothing like that." She titled her head, smiled, put her
> hands behind the small of her back, clasping them together as she
> tiptoed beside me and kissed me on the cheek. "Don't worry. I take back
> what I said. Maybe we'll meet again someday. Maybe."
>
> As I stood there, numb from the neck down thanks to the electrifying
> sensation I felt from her chicken peck, the maid left. I barely had
> enough breath left in me to call out, "What's your name? When can I see
> you again?"
>
> "It's Kyo... ko. Kyoko. And I'll see around sooner than you think!" she
> said as she waved goodbye and left with a spring in her step.
>
>
> ===
>
>
> Back in the Manga Clubroom...
>
> "Well, you're right about one thing." The glasses-wearing midget gave me
> a bored, dismissive look that had helped alienate him from our class in
> ways more efficient than my crying back in middle school did.
>
> "What's that?" I asked, setting myself up hook, line, and sinker.
>
> "That story was more unbelievable than you losing your virginity."
>
> "Fuck you, man. I swear it's true!"
>
> "Come on. That has got to be the most ridiculous tale I've ever heard.
> It sounds like something straight out of a porn doujinshi. That was
> adapted as a late-night anime and had the sex parts turned into
> fanservice by the writers. Now what girl in her right mind would
> 'accidentally' end up in the men's room? What is she, an AV idol?"
>
> "But that's what really happened!" I said, realizing how unconvincing I
> sounded as I shrunk back down from Hinami's withering stare. "A-Adult
> videos don't work that way. Even in train molestation movies, it's rare
> to see a girl be that aggressive."
>
> "Riiight. And that's the second creepiest thing I've ever heard in this
> room. Congrats," said Hinami as he took out his PSP and started playing
> a game.
>
> "You'd rather I got whacked with a mallet and sent flying like Team
> Rocket from Pokemon?"
>
> "It's about as believable as a girl wiggling her butt in front of your
> face after exposing herself to you."
>
> "UGH. Fine. You win. I lied. I made up the whole thing!"
>
> "You don't have to be a drama queen about it," said Hinami as he turned
> away and resumed his game. "All I'm asking for is proof."
>
> I couldn't blame him for his incredulity. A girl changing her clothes
> in the men's room? Then she somehow pushed the both of us inside the
> stall while I went "half-mast"? Even mangaka wouldn't come up with
> something so moronic.
>
> What kind of girl would shake her cans at a stranger after he walked
> into her in the middle of changing clothes? Why would she flirt with me
> while she was half-naked instead of doing the commonsensical reaction of
> screaming and being deathly afraid by the guy straddling her in her
> almost undressed state?
>
> What drugs was I on to have imagined such a mind-numbing, unbelievable
> story? "Will I ever see her again?" I apparently said out loud, because
> Hinami was again giving me "The Look".
>
> "You don't think a girl would ever flirt with me?" I blurted out
> defensively.
>
> "Suuuure. Girls love it when strangers walk into them in the middle of
> taking off their clothes... according to porno."
>
> "That's not my fault! She's the one who was dumb enough to enter the
> men's room...!" Just then, something occurred to me. A girl accidentally
> entering the men's room almost never happened unless someone was pulling
> a prank on her, she intentionally entered there to have a sexy
> rendezvous with her boyfriend (which was what those otaku thought),
> or...
>
> "Anyway, this is too much to swallow, Okiname-kun. I'll take your word
> for it, but that's it," said Hinami with finality in his voice, which
> didn't sound like it hit past puberty yet. "Anyway, it's not as if
> you've had the best of luck when it comes to wooing women."
>
> "HEY!"
>
> "...No offense," Hinami appended while taking a drink out of his bottled
> water.
>
> I harrumphed and sat down on the chair next to Hinami, making sure my
> seat clattered as noisily as possible. Although it was mostly for
> show. Another one of the reasons why the guy had so few friends in our
> class... aside from being about as proportionately tiny as a munchkin or
> even a "loli", as Sawada-sempai would put it... was his bluntness and
> brutal honesty.
>
> Well, two could play that game. I could be brutally honest myself. "Say
> what you will. Because of what happened in that maid cafe, I vigorously
> masturbated to Kyoko-chan like there's no tomorrow."
>
> Yes, I intentionally timed my revelation while Hinami was drinking. The
> whole thing backfired on me, though, when he spat the water right in my
> face. It took him several tries before he could become coherent again.
>
> "Jeez, man! That's gross! And that's officially the creepiest thing I've
> heard said in this room! I didn't need to know that! Pervert! Creep!"
>
> "Your face is red all over, Hinami-kun."
>
> "...Of course it is! I'm being embarrassed for the both of us!"
>
> "Don't misunderstand. I fapped to her because it was love at first
> sight!"
>
> "Bullshit! You fapped t-to her because she's the only girl you know who
> would wiggle her butt at you... which probably means she doesn't exist!"
>
> "Jeez, relax, will ya? It's only us dudes here. So I jerked off to a
> girl. It's not the end of the world." I calmly wiped my face with my
> handkerchief as I withheld my smirk. "By the way, what was the _former_
> creepiest thing you've heard said in here? It's probably something
> Sawada-sempai said, right? Like..."
>
> "...Little shota boys are the best, aren't they?"
>
> We both screamed in terror at the sudden appearance of the club's de
> facto president and founder, Daigoro Sawada, the third year high
> schooler that was actually an overgrown kid and unofficial "leader" of
> the "Dead Kids Society".
>
> Speak of the devil, Sawada-sempai appeared in their midst, like the big,
> fat, and perverted ninja that he was with a face that begged to be
> included in Japan's registered sex offenders list.
>
> "How are my two favorite would-be mangaka? That's an interesting topic
> you're discussing, Hitoshi! Kyosuke!"
>
> Hinami and I collectively shuddered at the man with no tact or ability
> to read the mood. One of his creepiest traits our senior had was his
> blatant use of yobisute or the first-name basis on everyone he came
> across like some sort of American tourist who had no idea how honorifics
> worked. I was Hitoshi, and Hinami was Kyosuke, by the way.
>
> "I couldn't help but notice that your ero doujinshi idea lacked a bit of
> je ne sais quoi, Hitoshi!"
>
> "I told you it sounded like it's from an ero doujinshi," came Hinami's
> side comment as I protested, "It's not an idea for an ero doujinshi!
> There was no sex involved, and my masturbation later doesn't count!"
>
> Not that the exchange mattered to sempai in the least. "I know _exactly_
> what's missing in your scenario, Hitoshi! Traps! Newhalfs! Transsexuals!
> It needs more wiener between those buns, boy!"
>
> "...."
>
> I have the inkling suspicion that the "spit take" that Hinami did on
> sempai's face was more intentional than what he did on me. "Are you two
> intentionally making this clubroom even more uninhabitable than it
> already was by your combined creepiness factor?"
>
> "There's absolutely nothing creepy about traps, Kyosuke!" said sempai,
> his nostrils flaring as he groped imaginary butts. "Imagine how much
> better Hitoshi's story would have been had the person Hitoshi
> encountered was a "he" instead of a "she"! I can see it now..."
>
>
> ===
>
>
> This was how my "story" _should've_ gone according to Sawada-sempai.
>
> With a cute, tiny voice, "Kyoko" (not his real name) made me promise
> not to tell the other waitresses at the maid cafe that he was in fact a
> cross-dressing boy. I said, "Yes," since I felt bad for the guy, but my
> not-so-little-guy had other ideas, growing stronger and harder by the
> second.
>
> "I don't believe you," he said, and I couldn't blame him, because my
> assent to his request was as noncommittal as it could get.
>
> "I guess you'll have to take my word for it." I leaned in close and got
> a good whiff of his sweet lilac scent, which only made my nether regions
> hotter than ever before.
>
> "What are you thinking, you idiot?" he admonished with a blush as he
> looked away. He then grabbed hold of my crotch, and as I looked down, I
> realized he wasn't quite done changing too. We were now both "pointing"
> at each other via extremities other than our toes and fingers.
>
> "What are you doing?" I squealed as he did... things to me and parts of
> my male body. He then said with puffy, reddened cheeks and his own
> growing erection, "I know exactly how I'm going to keep you from telling
> the others about my secret."
>
> I tried to push him off, but there were people outside and I don't want
> to end up in one of those cliche "MISUNDERSTANDING!" poses of me ending
> up on top of a half-dressed cross dresser. I throbbed with a mixture of
> pleasure and guilt.
>
> "If you ever tell the others that you saw me cross-dress in this maid
> cafe, I'm going to tell them what we did here," he threatened in one
> breath as his breathing became heavier while he knelt down and
> puckered up.
>
> I protested, "But we haven't done anything...!"
>
> He smiled an impish grin. "...Not yet."
>
>
> ===
>
>
> "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, YOU LECHER?" shouted the effeminate Hinami as
> he threw books at sempai's sniggering face. "You're doing this on
> purpose, aren't you? You're no better than my classmates, you asshole!"
>
> "It was just a joke! A ruse! There's no need to take it seriously! What
> Hitoshi said about whacking off was more disturbing than what I said!"
>
> "Hey! Don't get me involved in your bullshit, sempai!" I admonished. As
> amusing as it was to see Sawada-sempai lightheartedly tease poor Hinami
> like this... if we weren't his friends, a passerby would swear we were
> his biggest bullies yet... something nagged me at the corner of my
> mind.
>
> "Waaaait. Sempai's right. It does make better sense..." I said aloud as
> something urgent tugged at the edge of my spinal cord, as though it
> were the Notre Dam hunchback Quasimodo trying to ring the fleshy pink
> twin "bells" that served as my brain.
>
> "Why _would_ a girl end up in the men's room? Aside from her meeting up
> there with her boyfriend, the only other reason that comes to mind is
> that she's not really a she, but a he disguised as a she. That's why she
> can't use the employee locker room to change."
>
> "That's the spirit, Hitoshi! Your story would be much better if it had
> traps in it! They're just like girls, except with something extra!"
> cheered my perverted upperclassman.
>
> "I'm not making up a story, Sawada-sempai! I'm talking about something
> that actually happened to me back in that maid cafe you recommended for
> me in Akiba!"
>
> "Eeeh? You _really_ met a girl who was changing her clothes inside the
> men's room in the Cat Girl Maid Cafe? That's far out, Hitoshi. Do you
> think a real-life trap actually works there?" inquired Sawada-sempai.
>
> "Y-You're both crazy! Stay away from me, you perverts!" Hinami and his
> "virgin" ears couldn't take any more of our banter as he stuffed his PSP
> into his school leather bag and began to leave.
>
> I couldn't say this was the first time he walked out on our club. Sempai
> could be quite obnoxious.
>
> "Aw, come on, Kyosuke! I was just kidding! Come back, Kyo-chan!" pleaded
> Sawada-sempai, although the big goofy grin plastered on his face belied
> whatever sincerity he attempted to achieve with his apology.
>
> ...Kyosuke.
>
> That was when a flash of insight... my "satori", so to speak... hit me.
> Eureka. I had my epiphany then and there, followed by immediate regret
> and disbelief.
>
> No. No, it couldn't be. Then again, she looked rather familiar... No
> way. It was a lie, wasn't it, Hinami Kyosuke-kun? Hinami Kyo...?
>
> No, I was being silly. There was no way it could be true. I mean, maybe
> I dreamed the whole thing up. That "Aoi-chan" waitress put something in
> my fried shrimp omelet rice. Like coke, LSD, or ecstasy.
>
> But what if my encounter with Kyoko really happened? That didn't
> necessarily follow that Hinami would...!
>
> Yeah, of course. He reacted badly when I brought up I had something
> unbelievable to tell him because his bullies were bothering him as
> usual. He had nothing to do with that toilet incident.
>
> He was shocked when I said I masturbated to the flirtatious cat-ear maid
> I saw back in that Akiba maid cafe because I was relaying too much
> information.
>
> When the maid said, "You saw, didn't you?" she obviously meant her naked
> body and her private parts, nothing more. That was what she meant when
> she also said, "The jig is up!"
>
> Besides, Hinami hated being called a girly man, so the last thing he
> would do was... was...
>
> Before I knew what was happening, my body moved on its own, and I
> grabbed hold of Hinami's thin wrist and spun him around towards me so
> that we'd be stuck in a close embrace, the nape of his neck directly in
> front of my nose. A took a good whiff.
>
> "O-O-O-kina-wa-n-na-me-kun?" he babbled incoherently.
>
> "Hitoshi? W-What's going on here, man?" probed Sawada-sempai.
>
> I murmured in awe, "...Y-You smell like lilacs."
>
> With tears in his eyes, Hinami dropped his bag, which he neglected to
> zip properly in his hurry to get out of the room, its contents spilling
> all over the floor.
>
> There they were. His books. His pencil case. His makeup kit. His high
> heel shoes. His knapsack full of unmentionables. Garters. Panties. A cat
> ear headband. Part of his maid uniform. His wig. All of which had a hint
> of lilac perfume on them.
>
> "Kyoko" was right. I did get to see her again sooner than I thought.
>
>
> ===
>
>
> Usually, in trap stories, the reveal that the girl is a "trap" is done
> almost immediately at the very beginning of the series. This time
> around, I opted for the "Boys Don't Cry" approach for this story.
>
> See you around,
> Abdiel
>
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