[FFML] [Ranma/various] Avenging Act 4 The Hate Monger and the Peacemaker Chapter 4

[dbsommer]

I missed a bunch of previous installments but will try to muddle through
as best I can.

It will be a bit hard to follow.


> Nabiki Tendou had a problem. She knew Captain Japan's identity... and 
> couldn't do anything with it.


NABIKI: I've washed my hair and I can't do a thing with it!

PRINCIPAL: I be helpin'!

Nabby's decision here makes sense. She's certainly capable of staying
out of things and waiting for an opportunity, and that would be the
sensible course given that supervillains tend to be more dangerous than
the kinds of chuckleheads canon Ranma usually deals with.

She's had to deal with super villains twice, the Animal Mask Gang really 
early on, and when the Ouran Animal Rights and Host Club took over the 
school. Both instances convinced her she'll stay ordinary, thank you very 
much. No super heroing for her.


> Ordinarily such information would be a source of revenue to make a gold 
> mine look like a social
> security check, but the problem lay in *who* he was: her live-in, 
> unwanted, might-be fiancé.


Capitalize Social Security. (Actually I bet it's called something
different in Japan.)

Got it.


> Damn that stupid machine Pym had sent him. It was responsible for the mess 
> his life had become.
> Not so much what it had done to him directly as Kasumi, the love of Tofu's 
> life. It had somehow
> addled her brain, making the ideal woman into some kind of hot violence 
> machine. And she didn't
> even see anything wrong with it! Even now she was on monitor duty for the 
> Avengers, which she
> volunteered for all the time, hoping for something to go wrong. Trouble 
> wasn't something you
> sought out: it found you. Only fools and the mentally unbalanced went 
> looking for trouble.


Which brings up a point: doesn't Soun or Nabby find it odd that Kasumi
is out of the house so much?

Explained a while back: Kasumi actually gets paid as an Avenger (and they do 
in the comic), so her cover story is she works for Kunou industries in some 
department. Kodachi pays in cash so their identities are protected and no 
one has to sign a check. It's nice having an unlimited bank account. Just 
ask Batman.


> Tofu took another hit. He wasn't deliriously happy like he used to be when 
> he was around Kasumi.
> Those were the days. He could barely remember them due to his mental 
> state, but wasn't happiness
> bliss? Now it had all gone wrong. She was actually trying at times. 
> Kasumi! It was inconceivable.
> And that word meant exactly what he thought it meant.


KASUMI: It means the two of us aren't capable of producing offspring.

TOFU: Not the meaning I was thinking of, actually.

A Princess Bride reference.


> What that woman needed was someone, some man, to tell how things would be. 
> That was the advice his
> mother gave,


Suggest: mother had given,

I'm assuming that Tofu is under the influence of the Hatemonger, though
it's possible that he's not and this is just him. Given how little we
saw of him in the original series, there's a lot of room to play with
his character, and this is an alt anyway.

% It's not mind control. Frustration is making him turn to the bottle, and 
he's developing in affinity to it.

Incidentally, since you use Tendou rather than Tendo, shouldn't his name
be Toufuu?

% Hmm. I didn't realize that.


> Who said alcohol didn't make everything better?


TONY STARK: That would be me!


> Shiro Yoshida took another drink. It didn't make anything better.


TONY STARK: Oh yeah, him too.

% Yeah, I was bookending the thought.




> "It's true we are going through a time of strife, but it can be fought 
> through," And then her
> voice took on a distant cast. "I have seen it in visions in my fire. A 
> silver millennium ruling
> over all with a gentle hand of love. It happened before; it shall happen 
> again. And I shall
> serve at the side of she who will usher us to an eternity of peace and 
> prosperity once again,
> with love over all."


REI: And she will wear those hair dumplings, and absolutely nobody will
think they look stupid... hey, stop laughing.

% It should now be obvious through this arc the AU counterparts to the 
scouts are being introduced for the second half of the Act. Likewise 
Serenity's previous existence as an Eternal was mentioned in the Prologue.



> "We dyed Peanuts once. It's really not impressive," The Hate Monger walked 
> close enough to make eye


I don't get that line at all. If it's drunk babbling from Shiro it
should be in the previous paragraph.

% It's a clue as to Hate Monger's identity. Got to give the reader some 
foreshadowing.


LUCY VAN PELT: It's true. He colored my hair lime green. But since this
is anime, nobody could tell.

% True.



> "Yes, but Hulk's names are more descriptive and accurate. Stupid Shield 
> Man is stupid man who
> uses shield. Pretty Hammer Girl is girl who has hammer and is pretty. See? 
> System works. Hulk
> will continue to use it."


I know you're stretching things for the sake of humor, and it is
amusing, but the Hulk engaging in this kind of verbal repartee is a bit
hard to swallow. Why doesn't he just go "Bah!" and be done with it?

% Gamma radiation affects intellects of individuals differently as well. 
Regard it as Ryouga's Hulk being smarter than Banner's Hulk. Likewise 
Ryouga's Hulk really keeps ideas lodged in his head for long periods of 
time. All it took was one hill (Spragg, the Living Hill) to not trust them 
anymore. And don't get him started on robots.  Likewise Ryouga's Hulk isn't 
as angry as Banner's either since Ryouga vents all the time in his normal 
form.


> The next one in the row was Genosha's. Shiro was saving the
> greatest cancer for last. Once he burned
> the U.S. Embassy they would tremble and know Japan had become like
> the much vaunted phoenix,


JEAN GREY: You mean they're now super telekinetic-telepaths powerful
enough to destroy entire solar systems?

% Comic version the Phoenix force was linked to the stars themselves and not 
super telekentic per se.


> Wasp and Daredevil got off the Hulk's back. They had decided it would be
> quicker to let the emerald goliath get them there in several leaps than
> dragging the quinjet out, prepping it for flight, boarding, landing,
> unloading, etc. It also meant clinging to the Hulk for dear life the
> entire way.


WASP: It also meant that we actually ended up in Sapporo, thanks to the
Hulk's Hibiki direction sense.

HULK: Bah!

% They were giving direcitons over his shoulders, which would give a new 
meaning to backseat driver.


> Daredevil turned to her, horrified. "Are you insane? Did you see what he 
> just did? He melted
> everything around him. "He'll fry us into ash like he just did to everyone 
> else!"


WASP: Yes, I did see it. Did you?

DD: Er, well, no, not in the strictest technical sense....

% Heh. Trur.

There's a stray quote mark before He'll, by the way.


> The rest of the diatribe was cut off as the Hulk flicked his pinkies into 
> the back of his teammates' heads. Daredevil had been right, so Hulk made 
> certain the pair wouldn't be harmed.
>
>
>
> Actually, he had only needed to do that to Wasp, since she was the only 
> one that had wanted to go.


Is this the Hulk's thoughts? Seems a bit too cognizant for him. Maybe
he's becoming the Peter David Hulk. :)

In general, I think you could get some interesting narrative flavor by
playing with the viewpoints of the characters. The Hulk would describe
everything in the simplest possible terms and not really understand the
implications of anything. The Wasp would see people the size of giants.
And of course, DD wouldn't see at all, and would describe scenes in
terms of sounds, smells, and radar images.

DAREDEVIL: Hey, there's Gary Burghoff!

% I got that one.


> And the burned mess that was the Hulk collapsed to the ground, his body 
> undergoing
> a metamorphosis into that of Ryouga Hibiki.


Canon Ryoga could probably hold his own against a super-villain, though
this one hasn't had his special training.

RYOGA: I am working on the Shishi Hulkoden, though.

% Martial arts in this universe is more by Marvel rules than Ranmaverse 
rules. Learning them doesn't make you inherently super powerful.


> Ryouga was wrapped in a towel, inexplicably suffering from the worst case 
> of sunburn

> Sunset Bain, known to the world as a leading industrialist,


HIROSHI: And founder of Bain Capital...

DAISUKE: Don't laugh. She was the one who broke Batman's back.

The being stepped out of the fire, bathed in it, but unharmed. The Fantastic 
Four
> templates had been sufficient to remove the only true threat to his
mission. A pity
> the enemy robot had an AI, otherwise Mr. Fantastic's ability to
control mechanical
> devices would have been ideal.


I thought he just stretched. Guess I haven't read that comic in a while.

% And you inadvertently made me realize I now have to adjust things slightly 
as Makoto was not supposed to stretch initially. We'll say he can but the 
power is so ridiculous he rarely uses it publically.

% Oh yes, the El Hazard Crew are the FF, BTW.



> End chapter. Well, finally felt like writing something. We'll see how long 
> it keeps


An enjoyable read. My only concern with the story is that you're
bringing in a lot of complications with the items from X-Men. Hopefully
you'll be able to keep it manageable.


% It's more background stuff than main plot material and shows some of the 
better/worse stuff the changes made. Fans of the comic will see Genosha 
exists in this world. I just killed Nightcrawler so he won't be showing up 
again. That sort of thing.

Thanks for the help. I used the grammar stuff, if I didn't mention it 
before.