[FFML] [Ranma][Revised] Hearts and Minds, Part 5 of 10

[Gary Kleppe]

On 07/26/2013 12:07 AM, Michael Clark wrote:
> So, funny story.  It seems when you sent out part four, the text was not
> fully transmitted (at least to me).  In particular, the text cut off
> at...
>
>> "The second question I can't answer," Lan said, smiling wryly.


That's odd. I checked both the FFML archive copy of the post 
(http://www.chez-vrolet.net/pipermail/ffml/2013-July/004115.html) as 
well as the copy I got back from the list and both were complete. So it 
must've been something on your end, maybe a one-time glitch or maybe 
your mail provider has a limit on the length of message it'll store. 
I'll make a note to send out the final chapter as two posts just in case 
it's the latter.


> Given that this cut off at a sentence ending, I had no reason to believe
> it was anything other than the actual ending of the chapter.  So,
> imagine my confusion when I start reading and Kodachi's already dead.
> Well, I expect you must've found some of my remarks confusing
> previously.  Having read that *now*, I can say that I'm a little
> disappointed that Kodachi never had the chance to be developed, but it
> makes your lack of focus on her personally a little easier to bear.


I don't want to give out spoilers here, so can't really comment on 
Kodachi's development except to say stay tuned for future chapters.

> While some of my feelings in reading this chapter were under the very
> confused position of not having the scene where Kodachi died, I think
> some of those feelings and analyses are still relevant.  That the Mongol
> General is Herb is, honestly, thrown into the end of the first scene a
> bit suddenly, and as a result, it had very little impact for me.  Ranma
> knows it, and we don't, so instead of feeling Ranma's surprise and
> anger, we're left to manufacture something for ourselves.  To me, this
> is quite ineffective.  I want to feel what Ranma is feeling here; I
> can't do that because he knows so much more about the situation than I
> do, just as a matter of the plot skipping over things.  It's like irony
> in reverse, and to me, it's rather unsatisfying.


Interesting. I'll have to ponder whether there was a better way I 
could've handled this.


> There are other issues in this chapter that strike me as symptomatic of
> this approach.  For instance, the secret mole that works for Biaozi, or
> at least worked long enough to let Biaozi track the party; or the dream
> sequence that Ranma goes through, meant to misdirect the audience and
> Ranma into thinking it must be about Akane.  These are puzzles that are
> meant to engage the reader, but in the latter case, I do wonder if the
> solution is one that a reader reasonably could've arrived at.  Further,
> it demands serious questions about how it can be that Ranma is totally
> cured.  And to be honest, I'm not sure I find the answer, or the puzzle
> it's meant to address, very interesting.  It all just seems very
> randomly put together, without greater rhyme or reason.


With respect to Ranma's change, I wouldn't say I expect the reader to 
figure it out before seeing the explanation. The misdirection is there 
partly because I think there's an interesting parallel between Ranma's 
two initially unwanted relationships, but mostly to create a little 
cognitive dissonance in the readers' minds as they find out Akane hadn't 
left to make them wonder what *did* happen.

At this point there's a lot that's mysterious but the situation with 
Ranma's curse shouldn't be. Lili, the spirit of the girl who drowned at 
Jusenkyo, got tired of staying where she felt unwanted so she left after 
Kasumi made it possible by unlocking the magic that bound her. What's 
not clear yet are what consequences this will have for Ranma.


> In other words, you built up the Mongol General to be a great and
> determined figure, only to reveal *in passing* that it's Herb.  Very
> anticlimactic.


Is it the fact of the General being Herb that you have a problem with, 
or just the way it was revealed? I don't know that there's anyone else 
in the Ranmaverse he could've been who would've been a bigger threat 
except maybe Saffron, and you pretty much knew it wasn't him from Kima's 
involvement in the battle. For thematic reasons it needed to be an 
amoral/selfish type of opponent, not a true evil/malevolent villain in 
the mold of Sauron/Voldemort/etc.

As for the revelation, I could have shown Lan telling Ranma at the end 
of Ch. 4, but I'm not sure that would've had any more impact.


>  The bit with Shampoo getting doused could've been set up
> by Biaozi's mole, I guess, but again, very random, with no clear purpose
> or aim.  You have built a good deal of this story around making things
> sufficiently complicated that the reader cannot see the bigger picture
> of how things fit together.  Perhaps that appeals to some people, but it
> just leaves me bewildered.  Like with the revelation of Herb, I'm quite
> concerned that the conclusion, the parts meant to answer all these
> questions, will not be emotionally satisfying.  They will simply *be*.


About all I can do at this point is ask you to stay tuned. By the time 
the story ends (and even by the time the end is in sight) there should 
be a reasonable explanation for everything that happened... I hope. :)


> It could be that I'm merely projecting my own concerns onto your story,
> granted.  I am somewhat wary in general of making a story run too much
> on wheels within wheels.  Still, what can be done about all this?  To
> me, this is problematic in part because of your freedom of movement
> between points of view.  You are very fluid, and I like and admire the
> style, but it also means that a writer can be loose with the logical
> progression of characters' knowledge and understanding of a situation.
> For instance, you could make it clear that Biaozi has a mole in place by
> the characters in the party discovering evidence of it--perhaps the
> tagged object that she left with them.  This would put the emphasis on
> the revelation, on the reactions of the party members and the actions
> they take in response, rather than the mere fact itself.  Alternatively,
> a good time to talk about this mole would be right after Kodachi is
> killed, to emphasize that there still must be a sympathizer in the
> Amazons' ranks.


As Biaozi's thoughts in this chapter explained, the as yet unknown 
person actually ditched the tagged object, but she'd arranged it so that 
its aura stayed with him/her. So there wouldn't be one to find, and even 
if there were, our heroes would have no idea what the thing was for, nor 
would they know that it had been accepted willingly rather than just 
being planted. The readers at this point need to be sure that someone in 
the group did collaborate with Biaozi (albeit with a failed attempt at 
double-crossing her) and I don't really see any way to do that other 
than to show the scene.

In general, I agree that narrative cohesion is a very desirable thing, 
but sometimes it has to be traded off in order to show more of the story 
to the reader. If I stuck with our heroes' viewpoints for the whole 
story, the reader would end up not really understanding Ha's or Biaozi's 
motivations and not really knowing who the three paranormal agents are; 
I think this would leave the readers a lot more nonplussed than they are 
as things stand.


> Why is it running away when Shampoo steps out after her talk with Kuno?
> To be honest, I'm unclear if she's stepping out because she perceives
> the possibility he's in love with her and isn't yet ready to reciprocate
> or what.


That's pretty much it, yeah. Add to that Tatewaki's history of being 
rather flaky about this sort of thing. She needs to know that his 
commitment to her is genuine and unshakable and that he isn't just 
chasing after her because she's the most beautiful woman around or 
anything like that. I'll read back over this and see if it could stand 
to be clarified.


>> "They want to nominate me for--" Shan Pu's hands balled into tight
>> fists. How could the sisters think that she would want such a thing?
>> Or were they so desperate to follow someone that they didn't even care
>> how she felt?
>
> She thinks they are indifferent to her feelings?  This seems like a
> strange reaction.  She has no reason, in my mind, to think so.


Well, nominating someone for a position without bothering to ask whether 
that person has any interest in serving isn't what I'd call considerate. 
In actuality this "Draft Shan" campaign is being orchestrated by certain 
parties for reasons of their own, one of those things that should 
hopefully be clear later, but Shampers doesn't know that.


> I like Ranma's story about group behavior and shame and how that's
> formed his opinion on killing.  It gives a reason to his hesitance that
> is well thought out and sensible.  Similarly, I like Shampoo's moment of
> reflection on baiting the Mongols into fighting her and dying by her own
> hands.  It forces her to examine her state of mind.


Thanks.


>> The sculptors smiled at him embarrassedly, then pointed down at a
>> metal placard that lay against their toolbox. It was engraved with
>> kanji, something about a great warrior defeating invading soldiers.
>
> Would they be called kanji even though this is Chinese?


They shouldn't be, but this is Ranma's POV and he doesn't appreciate the 
distinction. If I recall correctly, he couldn't even read kanji during 
the original series, though obviously he's learned by the time of this 
story.

Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts on all of this. Whether or 
not we end up agreeing, it's very helpful for me to understand how 
you're experiencing this story.

-Gary