[FFML] [Tenchi/XOver] (Ab)Normal Chapter One

[Timothy Groves]

Not sure if I've posted this here yet...first couple of chapters 
appeared on fanfiction.net, but I haven't done any real work on it in a 
long time.


                                 (Ab)Normal



                             by The Tail Kinker






Chapter One


Tenchi One-Half


      "This is a really bad idea."

      Normally,  Washu  was  quite  used  to  hearing  this  opinion of her
inventions.  However, rarely, if ever, did she hear  it  from Tenchi.   It
almost  hurt.   She  sighed,  and allowed the virtual terminal to fade out.
"Trust me, Tenchi.  This is perfectly safe.  Full-immersive virtual reality
is  still  virtual.   Nothing  can  harm  you in the real world, and safety
overrides will prevent even the shock of 'death' in the virtual world."

      He looked unconvinced.  "If it's so safe, why don't  you  test it  on
yourself?  Why on us?"

      "I  already  did  test it on myself."  Washu smirked.  "Several times,
several programs.  What, do you think I'd  toss  you  guys  into something
completely untested?"

      "You've done it in the past," commented Ayeka.

      "Nuts."  She shrugged.  "The only time that I've ever done that was if
it was absolutely necessary.  Every other time  that  you  bunch have  run
afoul  of  my  inventions  is  when  you've  mucked  with  them without my
permission."

      "You've got a point," said Tenchi.  "But that leads me to  the second
question.  If you've already tested it on yourself, why do you want to test
it on us now?"

      "Two reasons."

      A miniature Washu popped  up  on  one  shoulder,  and squeaked,  "The
world's  greatest  scientific  genius  needs  to  monitor  the results from
outside the virtual reality."

      A second miniature popped up on the other shoulder.   "There is  only
one Washu, she is unique in the galaxy, and this makes it difficult to test
the virtual reality machine on multiple people."

      "And  there  you  have  it."   Washu  smirked.   "Unbiased supporting
evidence."

      "Unbiased my ass," grumbled Ryoko.

      Tenchi  was  considering  it, however.  "All right, you've made a good
point.  But you've also rounded up us  five,  and  told  us  to volunteer.
Shouldn't we get a say?"

      "Sure."   Washu  shrugged.   "If  you don't want to help, that's fine.
But I've made five terminals, and I think you'll really enjoy this thing."
She  glanced  over at Mihoshi.  "How would you like to be the brave captain
of an interplanetary battlecruiser?"

      "Uh, no thank you, Washu-chan."  Mihoshi looked uncertain. "I'm  kind
of happy being a Galaxy Police Officer."

      "No,  you ditz!"  Washu bonked her on the head.  "Just for fun.  Play-
time, like."

      "Oh."  Mihoshi didn't look any less  confused.   "Well,  I suppose  I
could give it a try."

      "Excellent."   She  turned  to  Ayeka.  "For you, the science officer.
Intelligent, well-spoken and, of course, in love with the handsome,  brave
pilot."

      "I think I would enjoy that."

      Next,  to  Ryoko.   "I  have  just  the role in mind for you. A space
combat robot pilot.  Fearless, deadly and efficient."

      Ryoko raised a thumb.  "Bring it on!"

      "Sasami, would you like to be the ship's computer operator?"

      Sasami shrugged.  "I don't know a lot about computers, but it's just a
game, right?"

      "Yep.  Just a game."

      "It sounds like fun!"  She smiled.

      Washu  turned to Tenchi.  "And for you.  The brave and handsome combat
robot pilot, with a mysterious past."

      "This sounds like a set-up."  Tenchi looked at the other  four girls,
and  sighed.   "Actually,  it  sounds  like an anime I saw you watching the
other day."

      "Gosh, you think?"  Washu grinned.  "One of my favourites.  Of course,
I programmed the simulator with those parameters."

      He  shrugged.  "Well, the girls seem to like the idea.  What the heck?
Sign me up."


                                  * * * * *


      "The  headgear  will  pick  up  your  brainwaves  and re-create   the
environment,  through  direct neural stimulation."  Washu adjusted Tenchi's
headset, then checked a readout on her virtual terminal.  "Provided having
five  brains in the mix doesn't mess things up, the activation should cause
no more than a mild twinge of pain.  It will pass in less than a second."

      "You didn't mention pain when you sold me on this," grumbled Tenchi.

      "You didn't ask.  Besides, no pain, no game, right?"

      "That's not quite how the saying goes."

      "Quit yer whining."  She stepped back.  "All squared away. Ready  for
the test run?"

      "Yes."


      "Good.   Everyone, hold onto your hats.  Not literally, Mihoshi, leave
the headset alone.  And..."  She raised a hand.

      Tenchi steeled himself for the expected wave of agony.

      "Switch on!"

      To his surprise, it was really just a mild pain, though  it lasted  a
few seconds.  He shook it off, and looked around.

      He was in a kitchen, wearing an apron, a spatula in his hand.

      "Wait a minute.  I'm a cook?  I thought I was supposed to be the robot
pilot?"  He blinked.  "Right, the pilot in this series really just wants to
be  a  cook."   He hefted the spatula.  "Feels right, has real mass...Damn.
She actually made something that works."

      Abruptly, the simulation faded, and he found himself back in the  seat
in Washu's lab.

      "Or maybe not.  What happened?"

      Washu  scowled  at  her terminal.  "You're the only person who reached
critical level, and even then just barely.  And you couldn't maintain  it."
She pondered, then asked, "You've seen Nadesico, right?"

      "A few episodes.  It's not a favourite of mine."

      "Anyone else seen it?"

      "I think I did, a long time ago," offered Mihoshi.

      "Then  you  didn't.   It's fairly recent."  She turned back to Tenchi.
"As I cleverly deduced--"

      "Just now."

      "Hush.  You have no emotional involvement in the series, and little to
no  knowledge of it.  So while you could summon a few vague images, none of
the others--since they have never seen it--could manage even that."

      Tenchi nodded.  "Makes sense, I guess.  But doesn't this screw up your
test?"

      "Only  somewhat.   You  don't  know  this  scenario.   So let's pick a
different one."  Washu pointed at Tenchi.  "What's your favourite anime?"

      "That's easy.  Ranma One-Half."

      "Perfect.  Just imagine who you five would be replacing, and pick  an
episode.  Let me know when you're ready."

      "Okay.   I'll have to make a change to the cast, to make everyone fit.
Is that all right?"

      "Let's find out.  Switch on!"

      Again the sudden twinge, and he found himself in the rain  on a  city
street.   He  glanced  down  at himself, and saw the familiar red tang, the
cold making his nipples push out against the silk.

      Her nipples.  She dropped her pack, and quickly opened the shirt--the
title  character wouldn't care--to confirm that yes, at the moment, she was
female.


      "Wow.  This is too real."  She closed the shirt, and hefted the  pack.
"Damn.   Water's  cold  and wet...pavement isn't so nice on the feet...This
really is total immersion."  She bit her lip.   "And  since  I picked  the
first episode--"

      She ducked, and a furry black paw shot past her head.

      "Yikes!"   She  turned, backpedaling, and raised her free hand.  "Hold
on, Pop!"

      The panda paused.

      "Let's skip  me  getting  brained  with  a  street  sign. I'll  come
peacefully with you to the Tendo's home, okay?"


                                  * * * * *


      Ayeka  looked down at herself in dismay.  "I do not understand this at
all.  Why would Lord Tenchi see fit to put me in such...plain...clothing?"

      "Actually, it looks good on  you,  Sister."   Sasami  was,  as usual,
supportive.  "I know it's just a simple housedress, but it looks nice."

      "Thank  you,  Sasami,  but..."   She  shook  her  head. "Perhaps this
character has something of better quality in her wardrobe."

      "I don think so, Princess."  Ryoko wore a kimono,  but  one that  was
obviously meant for best company.  "I've seen lots of this series, and as I
recall, the character that you've been cast as  doesn't  own 
anything  but
those  simple house dresses.  Now, my character, on the other hand..."  She
preened.  "Nothing but the nicest clothing for Tendo Nabiki."

      "I have not seen this series.  Pray tell, what is my role?"

      "Simple, Princess.  You're Tendo Kasumi.  Little girl forced into  the
role of homemaker."

      "A  common  domestic?"  Ayeka's voice rose to a shriek.  "That just is
not proper!"

      "Actually, Sister," broke in Sasami, "Kasumi is the kindly sister  who
always tries to keep harmony, and is judged the nicest person in her town."

      "Oh.  So as usual, the monster was just trying to anger me."

      "No."   Sasami giggled.  "Everything that Ryoko said was right.  But I
figured you should know the rest of the story."

      "Oh."

      "But then who am I?"  Mihoshi looked down at her plain brown gi.   "I
don't know this story!"

      "In  the  original  story,  the three sisters lived with their father.
But you don't make a very good father."  Sasami  giggled  again. "So  I'm
guessing you're our mom."  She looked down at her own gi, yellow instead of
brown.  "And I'm the youngest sister."

      "Correct!"

      The voice seemed  to  come  from  nowhere.   They  glanced around  in
confusion.


      "Over here, you guys.  In the television."

      Sasami  walked  over,  and turned the volume up a bit.  "Hello, Washu-
chan!"

      Washu grinned.  "I see it's working perfectly.  And I even have a  way
to communicate with you."

      "So  you  do."   Ayeka nodded.  "I must commend you, Miss Washu.  This
simulation exceeds anything that I have ever seen, even on Jurai."

      "What else do you expect from  a  super-genius?"   She chuckled.   "I
included  an  identity  override program in the system, so your given names
will replace those of the  characters  you  play.   But  your family  name
remains the same:  Tendo."

      "'The Way of Heaven'.  Fitting, I must say."

      "Indeed,  Princess."   Washu nodded.  "And on that note...Mihoshi.  On
the table, you'll find a postcard.  Have fun!"

      The television went to snow, and Sasami turned it off.  "So what's  on
the postcard, Mihoshi?  I mean, Mom?"  She giggled again.

      "Well,  according  to  this,  someone  named Genma is bringing his son
Tenchi here--Wait."  Mihoshi frowned.  "I thought Tenchi's father was  that
nice man, Noboyuki?"

      "Not  in  the  game,  bubble  head."  Ryoko smirked.  "Come on, finish
reading the card."

      "Now, Ryoko, is that any way to speak to your mother?" Mihoshi  waved
a  finger,  mock-stern,  at the space pirate.  "Oh, this can be fun!  Well,
the card says that Tenchi is coming here to marry one of you three!"

      "What!"  Ayeka jumped to her feet.  "Which one?"

      "It doesn't say."

      "According to the original story," added Sasami, "He had to pick one."

      "Excellent!"  Ryoko rubbed her hands together.  "Of course, he'll pick
me.  The intelligent, beautiful, and stacked sister."

      "Why would he choose someone as horrible as you?"  Ayeka preened.  "If
the eldest sister is kindly, harmonious and nice...even if she is a fashion
disaster...would he not choose her?"

      "What about me?"  Mihoshi burst in.

      "Sorry,  'Mom'."  Ryoko snorted.  "You're the old lady.  You're out of
the running."

      "Don't be so mean to your mother!"  Mihoshi burst into tears.

      Ryoko leaned over to Sasami.  "Good casting."

      "All right, we're here!"  A familiar  voice  broke  through Mihoshi's
wailing.  Ryoko jumped to her feet.

      "Oooh,  it  must  be  Tenchi!"  She bolted for the door, followed at a
more dignified--though still rushed--pace by Ayeka.

      Sasami giggled.  "I guess Ryoko forgot how this episode goes."


      Both came running back just about  as  quickly.   Behind  them was  a
monstrous panda.

      Ryoko  grabbed  Mihoshi  and pushed her towards the panda. "It's your
friend!  You deal with him!"

      "Um...okay."  Mihoshi stepped forward tentatively  and  held out  her
hand.  "How do you do, Mr. Panda?"

      The  panda scooped her into a bear hug and swung her around once, then
set her on the floor.  Mihoshi blinked, and said, "Glad to see you too.  Is
Tenchi here?"

      The panda growfed, and stepped to the side.  Behind him was a girl.

      The  girl  stepped  forward hesitantly.  She looked a lot like Tenchi,
except that she was about half a foot  shorter  and  had  red hair.   "I'm
Tenchi.  Sorry about this."

      "Right."   Ryoko smacked her forehead.  "Jushenkyo curse, or something
like that.  I forgot about that."

      "Well, I'm glad you're using out of  character  information," quipped
Tenchi.  "That avoids the bathroom incident."

      Sasami  blushed horribly, remembering that scene.  "Yeah, just as glad
we can give that a miss."

      "Especially with little Sasami  playing  the  role  of Akane,"  added
Ryoko.

      "So can I get some hot water?"

      There  was a long pause.  Finally, Ayeka realized that almost everyone
was staring at her.

      "What?"

      "You're little miss homemaker, remember?"  Ryoko snickered.

      "Oh.  Yes, I shall  procure  some  hot  water.   Servants, hot  water
please."

      The  rest  of the gang were now snickering, and Ryoko added, "You have
to make it."

      "I?"  She looked shocked.  "Lower myself to domestic labour? I  think
not!"

      "Virtual  reality,  remember?"   Tenchi  offered helpfully. "It's not
like you're really doing the work."

      "Very well."  She sniffed.  "The things I do for you..."   She turned
and stalked down the hallway.

      "Kitchen's over there."

      "Thank  you."   She  turned  and walked back, then through the kitchen
door.

      Mihoshi managed to get herself back under control.  "Right. Okay,  I
remember  my lines now.  These are my three daughters.  Ayeka, currently in
the kitchen.  Ryoko.  And Sasami.  Pick whichever you like, and she'll  be
your wife."


      "Oh,  he  wants  me."   Ryoko  sidled  up  to  Tenchi, and grabbed her
backside.  "I don't mind playing both sides of the field."

      "Not a chance!"  Ayeka came storming  out  of  the  kitchen. "Tenchi
will, of course, choose me.  I am obviously the best choice."

      "Oh, boy."  Tenchi hung her head.

      "Why would he turn his back on my uncommon beauty and intelligence, in
favour of a common housedrudge?"

      "Common!"  Ayeka  shook  with  rage.   "You  are  a  lying, scheming,
manipulative monster!"

      Sasami leaned into Ryoko.  "Good casting."

      Ryoko  clenched  her  fists.   "All  right, Ayeka.  I'll fight you for
him!"

      "You're on!"  She raised her hands to summon her guardians.

      "No--"


                                  * * * * *


      The air in the lab was thick with smoke.   Mihoshi  was wheezing  and
coughing,  her  eyes watering.  Tenchi grabbed a handkerchief and pushed it
up against his nose.

      "You  idiots!"   Washu  was  in  rare  form.   "You  fried down   the
simulator!"

      "Sorry, Miss Washu, but--"

      "Your  powers  still  manifest  in the real world, not the simulation.
It's going to take me hours to fix this!"

      "Sorry, Washu."  Ryoko looked rather disgusted with  herself. "Maybe
you  should  include  a  safeguard, to prevent us from doing something like
that?"

      "I should have thought of that before this happened," groused Washu.

      Tenchi unhooked himself from the  simulator,  and  patted  his chest.
"Oh, good.  That was just a little too realistic, if you know what I mean."

      "But you looked so cute!"  Ryoko grinned.

      "Oy."  He turned to Washu.  "So, can you fix it?"

      "Of course!"

      "Then I'd like to try it again, with a different series, when you do."

      "Good idea.  More testing."  She looked over at Sasami.  "You can pick
the next one.  Spend some time thinking about it, and we'll try this  again
tomorrow after breakfast."

      "Okay."

      "Now all of you, get out so I can fix this!"

      "Of  course, Miss Washu."  Ayeka glanced over to Ryoko.  "Come, Ryoko.
We cannot have you destroying any other equipment."
      "You lousy--"  She gritted her teeth,  and  faded  from view.   Ayeka
headed for the door, a still sniffling Mihoshi in tow.

      Sasami glanced over at Tenchi.

      "I'm  sorry  they broke the machine.  I was looking forward to playing
Akane to your Ranma."  She turned and ran out of the room.

      Washu chuckled.  "You know, her crush on you  is  starting  to get  a
little more obvious."

      "No  kidding."  He sighed.  "Still, she's a nice girl, and I'd hate to
hurt her.  I just can't see her that way.  I  know  she's  older than  she
looks, but she still looks like a kid."

      "Never  judge  a  book  by  it's  front illustration."  Washu grinned.
"After all, I look like a kid, too.  She's Juraian, Tenchi, so yes,  she's
older  than  she  looks...but mentally, she's not really mature yet either.
She'll grow out of it."

      "I hope so."  He sighed.  "But I'm rather worried  about  what she'll
choose for her series."


                                  * * * * *




Author's Notes

      As  of  the  timeline of this story, Nadesico would have been ongoing.
The other anime that will appear in this fic would have concluded by  this
timeline.  Please don't gig me on continuity!