[FFML] [FANFIC][NGE][SKU]World End’s Messiah Chapter 1

[skychan]

I have to say that I found this chapter to be rather dense and dificult to
read.  It might be better on the fully formated version rather than text
only but I have to agree that because of both the dificulty in reading an
Evangelion Style scene flashing sequence and the familiarity of the text it
really did drag on a bit.

While flashing from image to image works very well in a visual medium doing
so in a written format is much harder.  You need to be able to quickly and
easily describe the image and then combine it with Shinji's impressions and
thoughts.  I think that didn't really work out here and smaller paragraphs,
with even simpler scene's would be necessary to do so, while I would
encourage a differnt aproach to trying to tie in a reader for your story.

Right now the 'buy in' for this is rather high, where you want a 'low' buy
in where a reader can be hooked quickly, preferably in the first paragraph
or two if not first sentance.  I'm sorry to be so critical but it really
was just that impenitrable to get started.

Sincerely,
skywiseskychan
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