[FFML] [FANFIC][NGE][SKU]World End’s Messiah Chapter 1

[Gorgeous Shutin]

Thanks for the detailed review, Skychan!

I think the reason that you found it "difficult to read" is because I forgot to use text-only my email to FFML, thus screwing up the formatting.  The links below  

http://gorgeousshutin.blogspot.ca/2012/10/world-ends-messiah-ngesku-post-series.html
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8650175/1/World-End-s-Messiah
http://archiveofourown.org/works/548356
http://forums.ohtori.nu/viewtopic.php?id=3248
http://forum.evageeks.org/thread/13327/World-Ends-Messiah-NGE-SKU-post-series-both-series/ 

have the "easier to read" versions of the fic.

On paragraph length - the paragraphs in the chapter averages 2.5 sentences, and cannot be shorter without making the writing appear too "stark".  The reviewing readers from Ohtori.nu forum and Evageeks forum both seem to like the current approach, so that's the format that will stick for future chapters.

Thanks again, and chapter 2 is coming up in a bit :)

Gorgeousshutin
 
--- On Mon, 11/19/12, skychan <skywize at gmail.com> wrote:

> From: skychan <skywize at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [FFML] [FANFIC][NGE][SKU]World End’s Messiah Chapter 1
> To: "The Fanfiction Mailing List" <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
> Date: Monday, November 19, 2012, 11:15 PM
> I have to say that I found this
> chapter to be rather dense and dificult to
> read.  It might be better on the fully formated version
> rather than text
> only but I have to agree that because of both the dificulty
> in reading an
> Evangelion Style scene flashing sequence and the familiarity
> of the text it
> really did drag on a bit.
> 
> While flashing from image to image works very well in a
> visual medium doing
> so in a written format is much harder.  You need to be
> able to quickly and
> easily describe the image and then combine it with Shinji's
> impressions and
> thoughts.  I think that didn't really work out here and
> smaller paragraphs,
> with even simpler scene's would be necessary to do so, while
> I would
> encourage a differnt aproach to trying to tie in a reader
> for your story.
> 
> Right now the 'buy in' for this is rather high, where you
> want a 'low' buy
> in where a reader can be hooked quickly, preferably in the
> first paragraph
> or two if not first sentance.  I'm sorry to be so
> critical but it really
> was just that impenitrable to get started.