[FFML] [FANFIC][NGE][SKU]World End’s Messiah Chapter 1

[Gorgeous Shutin]

Thanks for the detailed crit, Dot!

Yes, chapter one does read like a rehash of the final sequence of EoE, but I need it there for the built up to Shinji's surreal encounter with Akio-Asuka; plus, I do make implicit what was going on Shinji's mind (via his POV) starting from the beginning of the scene, so hopefully I've inputted something of my own creation (i.e. why he was non-responsive at seeing schoolgirl Rei's image above the LCL sea) into the sequence. 

As for Ohtori . . . I think it differs significantly from the LCL sea in that people are not mindlessly blissful - they are tightly controlled by a higher power (Akio) like tools to experience hurt and trauma via crashing of wills (things the LCL sea bunch are dodging), and many of them (like the Student Council) are aware of it.  I will spoiler things a bit by saying that this is a story where all the mysterious elements of SKU shall be explained via canon NGE Wiki Terminology.  World End's Messiah will contain my take on the true nature of "Ohtori Academy", "Akio", and "Anthy" in this Sci-fi setting,  why "they" still exist after 3I, and why they do what they now do,  The fact that "Ohtori Academy" could now just appear in the ruins of Tokyo-3 should be a pretty big spoiler as to what "it" really is (but no, it's not quite that most obvious possibility as you might immediately think). 

Thanks again for the C&C!  Next chapter coming up in a day or two, so please keep an eye out for it ~

P.S.  Wow, the reviews still come quick on FFML even to this day!  I just might reupload Seinen Kakumei Utena (SKU X Penguindrum) onto FFML again in hopes of netting more intelligent input (crossing fingers here).

Gorgeousshutin


--- On Mon, 11/19/12, Dot Warner <dotchan at dotchan.com> wrote:

From: Dot Warner <dotchan at dotchan.com>
Subject: Re: [FFML] [FANFIC][NGE][SKU]World End’s Messiah Chapter 1
To: "The Fanfiction Mailing List" <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
Date: Monday, November 19, 2012, 1:33 PM

My only bit of crit is that I wished you'd done more than just rehash the final sequence of the End of Evangelion beat for beat except for the bit you threw in there to connect it with Utena.  

Now, as far as the plot premise goes, my opinion is that the theme of SKU is the choice between mindless bliss and complicated reality.  By the EoE, Shinji's already made his choice--he no longer wants to be part of the system, but he also couldn't give two shits about being the god of the new world--and Asuka's there either because she's strong willed enough to survive, or Shinji can't quite bring himself to erase her from his life.  I think that it's make more sense for Ohtori to exist in the sea of LCL as that metaphorical "Garden of Eden" from which mankind must choose to either remain or leave.
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