[FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, ch. 11
Arthur Hansen
arthurh3535 at gmail.com
Fri Aug 24 18:07:23 PDT 2012
Don't really have a lot to state other than I noticed a lack of 'setting
placing' description (the first scene I don't even think mentions
mobilesuits, what they looked like, what damage they'd taken or that X
mobilesuit was dragging Y mobilesuit back to the ship. Or even what part of
the ship the hanger bay is at (front, sides, underneath.)
Other than that, you have a lot of attribution of 'she said. "Quoted text"
' which is not good punctuation. It should always use a comma for 'she said
or he stated' as those are actually parts of the sentence.
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