[FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, ch. 11

[Andrew Dynon]

I'll keep that in mind for next time.  By the way, Word was acting screwy
when I wrote this, and I got one email that mentioned some of the formatting
got messed up.  Did anyone else notice this?  If so, I'll try and send a
reformatted version.

-----Original Message-----
From: ffml-bounces+adynon=internode.on.net at chez-vrolet.net
[mailto:ffml-bounces+adynon=internode.on.net at chez-vrolet.net] On Behalf Of
Arthur Hansen
Sent: Saturday, 25 August 2012 11:07 AM
To: The Fanfiction Mailing List
Subject: Re: [FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, ch. 11

Don't really have a lot to state other than I noticed a lack of 'setting
placing' description (the first scene I don't even think mentions
mobilesuits, what they looked like, what damage they'd taken or that X
mobilesuit was dragging Y mobilesuit back to the ship. Or even what part of
the ship the hanger bay is at (front, sides, underneath.)

Other than that, you have a lot of attribution of 'she said. "Quoted text"
' which is not good punctuation. It should always use a comma for 'she said
or he stated' as those are actually parts of the sentence.
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