[FFML] [Fanfic][ACSR] A Certain Perverted Teleporter's Day

[Gary Kleppe]

Into the backlog we must go! This was posted on December 15 by Bert  
Miller <hkmiller at theeddy.com>.

I know absolutely nothing about ACSR, but that's as may be.

> There are 1.8 million students in Academy City.  I am one of them.

DAISUKE: Where is that city, exactly?

HIROSHI: For practical purposes, it doesn't matter. It's all academic.

> I, Shirai Kuroko, was out on patrol downtown, wearing my
> "Judgement" armband, looking for evildoers, or just mischievous
> punks to stomp on.  Technically, my jurisdiction as a member of
> "Judgement" is limited to the district around Tokiwadai Middle

was limited
(be consistent with tenses)

> School, where I attend, but that's never stopped me before.  Heh.

attended, but that had never

> As I went along, teleporting from block to block, lamppost to roof
> to midair to windmill blade to garbage-can robot to street, I
> thought about Oneesama, Misaka Mikoto.  If she is serious about

If she was serious

> seeing that hideous ape, that enemy to all women, that troglodyte,
> Kamijou Touma, I was going to have to take action, for her own
> good.  She'll thank me someday. I was just beginning to fantasize

She would thank me

> about how she'll thank me when a cry reached me from the next

about how she'd thank

> I thought quickly.  "Were any of the hoodlums thin, medium
> height, with shaggy, slightly spiky hair, kind of dumb-looking?"

> "Umm... maybe."

SHIRAI: Well, I haven't seen anybody like that. Sorry.

>   She didn't sound certain, unfortunately.  "Most
were tall, broad-shouldered, and kind of dumb-looking."

> The "Anti-Skill" police were just arriving, so I said to the
> victim, "Leave it to me!  I'll get your purse back!"  I then
> teleported up to the top of a nearby two story building, and

two-story

> There!  I could see several slightly-burnt looking punks stumbling

Suggest: slightly burnt-looking

> from an alley about two blocks down, casting fearful glances
> behind them.  That usually means Oneesama has already encountered

Suggest: usually meant Oneesama had already

> them.  Although they were still conscious; that seldom happens
> when Oneesama is involved.  (She is, after all, the most powerful

Suggest: was (both times)

> "Ahem."  I said as I appeared in front of them.  "I'm from
> Judgement.  You 'gentlemen', speaking loosely here, wouldn't
> happen to have snatched a young woman's purse two blocks down that
> way about ten minutes ago?"

PUNK: Hey! I don't gotta answer nuttin' widdout my attorney present!

> After several blind alleys, I finally came out onto a side street.
> Glancing around, I saw Oneesama walking along the sidewalk across
> the street.  I smiled and teleported over onto her back, wrapping
> my arms around her and lightly stroking her breasts with my
> fingertips.

DAISUKE: About time we see something like this! We were promised  
"perverted" on line one.

> "I'm trying to find a purse taken by some pursesnatchers.  I

purse snatchers

> caught them, but they'd had the purse taken away from them first.
> Umm... Oneesama, you didn't happen to shock some lowlife scum
> about twenty minutes ago, take their booty, and neglect to turn it
> in, did you?"
>
> "Huh?  No, not me."  Oneesama looked a bit confused, but I felt
> kind of relieved.

ONEESAMA: No, that was my other personality. But I think you'll be  
meeting her in just a few seconds.

SHIRAI: (sweat)

> Really, Oneesama's obsession with that silly cartoon frog is just

was

> not becoming of a proper lady, let alone the Ace of Tokiwadai,
> the third most powerful esper in Academy City.  It was fine when

It had been fine when

> she was four years old, but for a second-year middle-schooler,
> it's just sad.  But right now, it's very handy for me.

it was (both times)

> She doesn't want me around?  Heh, heh.  Too bad.

didn't

> "Sure.  See you later, Oneesama!  I'll head back to the office
> now!"

Office? I thought she was a student. I guess it helps if you know  
something about the original series. :)

> I teleported away, but only to the roof of a nearby building,
> where I peered over the edge carefully.  Since Oneesama doesn't

didn't

> want me around while she looks for the purse, I'll oblige her.

I'd oblige

> "I have to ensure your safety, Oneesama," I said piously.  "You
> don't understand how important you are."

ONEESAMA: Important? Not at all. There are ten people here who could  
easily replace me.

> "I'm retrieving a stolen good, Oneesama," I replied with my most
> saintly expression.  "Sometimes the forces of justice have to
> resort to trickery to get information from bad elements."

SHIRAI: Hey, Fluorine! What's that over there?

FLUORINE: Huh?

SHIRAI: Gotcha!

> Oneesama rolled her eyes.  "Whatever.  But listen, you need to
> be careful around the sisters.  They may not have my level of
> power, but they do have enough power to kill you, and they don't
> have my control.  Also they don't have much reason to try to
> control themselves if you grope them the way you do me."
>
> Clasping my hands, I leaned winsomely over against Oneesama and
> batted my eyes.  "Are you saying that you feel you have reasons
> to be gentle with me?"

Isn't she curious about where the clones came from? I know I am.

> I love it when Oneesama's voice gets so authoritative like that.

I loved it when Oneesama's voice got so

> It sends shivers up and down my spine.  Even though she shouldn't

It sent

> be intervening, given that she's not in Judgement or Anti-Skill.

that she wasn't in

> "All the 'little sisters' are connected via an AIM network
> called the Misaka Network.  If the disruption occurs to number
> 20001, the effect will spread to all the others."

ONEESAMA: The result? Blackouts at Frat houses across the nation.

SHIRAI: Oh, like that would be a bad thing.

> Oneesama had just finished powering up her signature move, but
> using one of my spikes instead of her normal coins because of
> the range.  (Oneesama's coins melt after 50 meters, which helps

Suggest: after fifty

keep the collateral damage within bounds.)

> She fired her railgun, magnetically accelerating the spike to
> three times the speed of sound.  (A chill always goes up my

always went up

> spine, and my knees go weak, whenever I contemplate those

knees went

contemplated

> I was about to swoon theatrically into Oneesama's arms when
> a small fury hit me instead, pounding on me with her fists.
> Sure enough, she did look like Oneesama probably did about
> five years ago.  This would have been very pleasant if it
> had been any of the other clones, or Oneesama herself, but I
> do not number pederasty among my perversions.

did not

Suggest: pedophilia

(I think "pederasty" specifically means male-male)

> The End.

Not much to add here. It was a fun read; you got right into the story  
and it went forward nicely. The muffin bomb would be a bit silly if we  
were expected to take it seriously, but it's pretty obviously meant as  
camp (hence the double entendre in referring to it as a MacGuffin). I  
assume I'd have to read the original series to find out why there are  
ten thousand clones of Missy running around (otherwise you've got some  
explaining to do in a follow-up story).

Hope to see more from you in the near future. Oh, wait, it's already  
the semi-far future. :-P