[FFML] [Mai Hime, Future] Afraid to Fly, Part 1 (Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics) - Segment A

[John Biles]

On Mon, Aug 9, 2010 at 3:16 PM, T M <allbait10 at gmail.com> wrote:

> I'd say that the theme of this installment was "everybody has secrets" but
> that's been the theme of the whole story, really; instead, I think I'll go
> with "parental issues."
>

Yes.

>>    I was about to leave for our first big meeting with the kids after
>>the big reveal, only to get a phone call.  Mother.  Bloody hell.
>
>
> Even parents have parent issues.

Every parent is also a child!

>
>>    "Is she still dating the manwhore?" she asked.
>>
>>    "Would you rather she wait and marry her boss?" I asked, feeling
>>frustrated, even knowing this would surely send the conversation to
>>hell.
>
> Noody picks on my daughter's boyfriend but me?
>

Exactly.


>>    I don't know.  And I dare not stick my head into finding out.  Kazuo
>>and Kagami depend on me and if I died without them even knowing
>>why...I don't want them to go through what I did.
>
> Wow, heavy.
> This looks strangely familiar.

Yeah.  Funny that :)

>
>>    The way I did ALL THE TIME.  When I was her age.
>
> Sure you want these to be two sentences?
>
DOH.

>
>>    A boy AND a girl.  Even I didn't do that.
>>
>>   "She could be kissing them right now," Mother said deadpan.
>
> So much for keeping the secret. Dumb luck that her parents were convinced
> they were dating even before they actually were.

Heh.  Momma is just teasing here, though.  :)
>
>>    "She's never seeing them again if I can help it," I told her.
>>"They're pretty much sluts who sleep with everything in sight,"
>
> I didn't realize Shun had such a reputation. Or is he merely being tarred by
> proximity to Crystal?
>
Shun's not so much a playboy as Hayao but he has been around.

>>but the boy
>>looks more like a skinny girl than he does a boy. Not a very pretty
>>one, either.
>
> Grandmother has a much higher opinion of his looks. Should I chalk up the
> difference to personal bias?
>
Yes.

>>"I don't know and I don't care.  She's been told to stay away from
>>them, and she's got Kaiji-kun
>
> Heh. Reading that makes me think of Evangelion.
>
Heh.  Merely a coincidence.
>
>>Natasha frowned, Kagami looked guilty; Erica sighed, and Shun
>>grimaced.
>
> ;->,

Hehe.

>
>>    "It's just, you usually go for the pretty boys," Natasha said,
>>suddenly aware she'd just shoved her face in a meat grinder.
>>
>>   "I think he looks quite distinguished," Akane said, probably in hopes
>>of avoiding a general fight.  I know she likes the prettyboys like her
>>husband.
>
> Do you intend to standardize prettyboy as one word or two?
>

two, doh.


>>I have times I feel like I'm haunted by his damn ghost. If I believed in
> anything spiritual, I'd
>>have her exorcised, just to be sure. But I don't. There's no evidence and
> too much cruelty in
>>this world to think anything benevolent made it.
>>
>>The world just IS and we have to deal with it as it is, not as we'd like it
> to be. We have to
>>make our own justice and cure it's problems by our own strength.
>>
>>Or, in many cases, not cure them.
>
> An admirable stance, and one that illustrates both his character and his
> complete ignorance of the true nature of the world.
>
Yep.  He doesn't know what's really going down.

>
>>Fortunately, he can't tell I'm hiding anything; I'm a pretty good actor.
>
> Ow, ow, the irony! It hurts!
>
HEH.  IT BURNS.

>
>>He pulled me into his lap and kissed me slowly and we embraced and I felt
> wonderful. We
>>haven't even come close to sex yet, but that's okay. I wouldn't want to
> rush into it, and this
>>all still so new to me.
>>
>>Quite the contrast to Kasumi.
>>

Yeah.  Sanae is not so...physical as Kasumi.  Kasumi is a body person
and further, Kasumi has basically thrown off the shackles of fear.
Sanae has not.




>>I can't figure out what those mushrooms are or what that powder does. It
> isn't an acid or a
>>base or any compound I can identify.
>
> Has she tried fire?
>
Heh.  Not yet.

>
>>"Feel free to show us how to dig," Sakomizu-sensei said, sounding amused.
>>
>>Suzushiro-san began digging frenetically.
>
> Haruka is feeling especially energetic today. She must be enjoying herself.
>
Haruka enjoys showing off.
>
>>"Shizuru is going to come hit on you and explain everything.
>
> Heh. Looking forward to that
>

HEHE.

>
>>She's strong on defense and I'm too fast for her to easily hit.
> I suppose that makes sense given their elemental affinities. Speaking of the
> elements, have the kids been told about the fortress in Fuuka yet?
>
>
Yes.

>
>>Bobby has kindly volunteered to help pay for a beach trip to Hokkaido this
> weekend so we
>> can hang out on a relatively cool beach and meet Shinichiro's new
> girlfriend and embarrass
>> him to death. All Good Kids (Kasumi, Dan, Erica, Natasha) and their
> parents are invited to
>>come with Bobby and I. Bad Car-Stealing Kids (Shun, Crystal, Kagami) are
> out of luck.
>
> I like the Meaningful Capitalization Shiho uses.
>
Shiho knows to Use It For Emphasis.

>>I threw every bathing suit I have on the ground in frustration. (Not that I
> have many). "These
>>suck. My body sucks. Maybe I should just wear a t-shirt and jeans."
>>
>>"Into the water?" Mandi asked.
>>
>>"It's almost impossible to find a bathing suit that fits me and I hate
> everything I have," I said,
>> frustrated.
>>
>>"Dan likes your figure. Lots of women would KILL to be as skinny as you,"
> Mandi said. "I'm
>> sure if you wear the blue and green one-piece, Dan will have wet dreams
> about you."
>>
>>My eyes crossed. "It makes me look so skinny."
>>
>>"You are skinny," she said patiently. "Have some confidence. Confident
> people are sexy
>>whether or not they have basketballs on their chest," Mandi said.
>>
>>Easy for you to say, I thought.
>
>
> Very...human.
>
Well, she is human.  :)

>
>>I expect she didn't want to disappoint us even more than usual.
>
> Ouch.

Indeed.
>
>
>>I shook my head. "No, that's fine," I told her. I trust Fujino-sama not to
> shill for something
>>disreputable.
>
> Not disreputable, per se, but definitely underhanded.
>
Yes.

>>I believe you also had trouble with birth control supplied by Iwasaka
> Pharmaceuticals,
>>correct?" Fujino-sama said.
>>
>>I grimaced. "Yes." I reached for some coffee but didn't have any. "I'd have
> a better life if
>>those idiots hadn't been producing a dysfunctional product."
>
> Once is coincidence...
> It looks like Iwasaka Pharmaceuticals was under the control of one of the
> cults and engineered that batch of birth control to deliberately produce
> hime-possible children.
>

*whistles innocently*

>
>>I thought she had some sense, but after everything I've given up for her to
> have the chance
>>she deprived me of, she stabbed me in the back. Some days, I wish I hadn't
> let Mother and
>>Kazuo's Mother talk us into keeping her. And some days, I hate myself for
> thinking such
>>things about my own daughter.
>
> I can see where she and Kagami come from.
>
Heh.  Kagami and Mari are playing out what happened with Mari and
Chinatsu, more or less :)  (Ootera Chinatsu = Mom of Mari)


>>But I wanted out of the cramped little world that Mother tried to imprison
> me in.
> Wow. Irony has gone Super-Saiyajin.

Yes.
>
>
>>I hate fighting with her. She gets stubborn, feigns obedience, and won't
> listen. I am just
>>trying to ensure she can grow up to be a successful woman and not a failure
> like me.
>
> And suddenly you just can't resent her that much, no matter how stubborn or
> counterproductive she's being. It's clear that her treatmen of Kagami stems
> from genuine pain and love.
>
She loves Kagami, no matter how frustrated she may get or the hurtful
things she sometimes lapses into.


>>I felt flattered. "Good," I told her. "It's nice to meet you. Can you put
> Kagami back on?"
>
> Natasha did well. If I didn't know better I'd say she was coached.
>
She can act well if she wants to.


>>Thankfully, the Hime are dead and gone by now, so I don't have to worry
> about them finding
>>us and... I don't know what exactly Yugo-kun did, how they...studied...that
> Hime. I hope it
>>was only study. I can't believe Yugo-kun would...but... He was a good man.
>
> Ohh. Fear, guilt and a nasty surprise coming when she finds out.
>

Yes.

>>"They cause hallucinations," I said.
>
> I bet finding that out was fun.
>

Not fun at all :)

>>"Someone dug them up and replaced them with violets, duh," Gin said.
> "That's obvious."
>
> If it were roses I'd bet on Utena; as it is I'm going to go with Kei.

Heh.

>
>>"Potemkin village," Hayao corrected him, lecturingly. "Though it's arguable
> whether the
>>Potemkin villages ever actually existed." He then laughed while the rest of
> us wondered
>>what was funny.
> Hayao gets his Dan on. I almost missed that.
>
Getting his DAN ON.

>>I'm not sure why other than them being cranky, myself.
>
> I'm beginning to wonder if the Crimson Huntsman is doing something to the
> students.
>
Something funky is going on :)


>>"Your lack of vocabulary is why I have an A in English and Literature and
> you have a C in
>>both," Natasha said with a calmness that kind of creeped me out. "I gave
> you some
>>suggestions, earlier. I guess you don't have as much memory as a goldfish,
> though."
>
> Natasha is seriously kicking ass in this conversation. I'm impressed; I
> figured she'd have a shorter temper than Crystal.
>
Natasha doesn't take them seriously enough to get insulted. :)

>
>
>
>>"Natasha is a good, friendly girl," Akane said. "You'll be fine."
>>
>>"She has no sense of limits and little sense of manners," Kazuya said. "But
> she isn't mean;
>> she just takes the usual teenage sense of invincibility to all-new highs."
>
> Akane is nice, Kazuya is more honest. Akane does prefer to focus on the good
> in people.
>

Exactly.  They complement each other.
>
>>Shiho looked surprised, then very pleased. "Thank you."
>
> Another illustration of Shiho's self-esteem issues.
>
As seen in this chapter, Shiho feels like she's not taken seriously
and is hungry for compliments.

>
>>"Though you fell down on teaching her manners," he said. "Nevertheless, you
> did a very
>>good job. She could use a little more discipline."
>>
>>"Her grades are better than Kasumi's," Shiho said.
>>
>>He winced. "Yes," he mumbled and ate more pie.
>
> And that's the difference between Kazuya and Mari's family, or Crystal vs.
> her roommates. He's actually mature enough to let a fight go when there's
> nothing to be gained.

Yeah, exactly.
>
>>"And a brilliant martial artist like her mother," Shiho said with a
> slightly odd tone of voice.
>
> Anticipation crossed with fear, unless I miss my guess. And maybe a little
> envy.

Part of it is that she's not used to the idea of 'Kasumi as martial
artist, or Akane for that matter.


>>"I sucked as a mother. She would have been better off if I gave her to
> Mai," she said, then
>> shuddered. "But I was too stubborn for her good. I'm a lousy mother."
>
> An interesting contrast. Shiho believes she's a lousy mother but that
> Natasha is a wondeful daughter. Mari seems to believe that she's a good
> mother but that Kagami is a lousy daughter.

Yep.  Shiho is very proud of Natasha.

>
>>"She does," Shiho said. "I wish I could tell you everything, Bobby. You
> need...I just can't."
>
> I can see where Natasha gets her 'terrible at keeping secrets' genes.
>

Yes.

>>I grimaced. The idea of Bobby evaporating is...I can't stand the idea of
> it. I laid in bed with
>> him in my long silk pink nightie, stroking his hair as he slept. I like
> his hair. But I could see
>>him...
>
> I believe one "lies in bed all day," which would mean lay is appropriate
> rather than laid.
>

No matter how I do this verb, everyone has a different opinion on it.  ^^;;

>
>
>>We're going up tonight, sleep in Sapporo, go out to the beach tomorrow.
> -ing verb mismatch. More -ing or less.
>
>>Roger's Rules of Order:
>
> Yay, Roger! Despite having seen only half of Big O Roger is one of my
> favorite characters. He, Dorothy, Natsuki and Shizuru are going to be a lot
> of fun.

Yeah.  I like Roger.  He's cool.  And he/Natsuki/Shizuru/Dorothy
bounce off each other well.

>
>
>>"So I don't think he's totally reckless, but it's one of his ways of
> showing affection.
>
> I had figured. He probably doesn't want to make the mistakes of his first
> marriage again.
>

Exactly.

>>She laughed softly. "Does he suspect anything? I think Roger must have some
>
>>suspicions...I couldn't give him a coherent reason why you're hosting
> Kagami. Due to our
>>secrets."
>
> She didn't look awkward or incoherent. If the party line didn't cut it it
> seems to be because Roger saw right through it from the beginning rather
> than that he picked her explanation apart. He certainly seemed to keep any
> doubts to himself, though perhaps he's not as good at concealing it as he
> thinks?
>

Roger is never as good as he thinks but he's better than many people realize.

>>"Bobby has no marks, either," I told her. "I don't know what I will tell
> him when I get one. If I
>> do." I am not sure if I can trust myself with the power again.
>
> Normally, when a person says "I'm not sure I can be trusted with power
> again" the reader is supposed to be confident they can handle it due to them
> having become some sort of paragon of responsibility out of guilt over their
> previous crimes (cf. Shizuru). With Shiho's more volatile personality one
> gets the impression that, unlike most cases, she's not necessarly being too
> hard on herself when she doubts.
>
It's a serious worry for her, because she's still pretty volatile.  As
compared to Shizuru, who exerts pretty tight control on herself and
has been trying to atone for decades.

>>I don't know if even I'm worth that risk.
>
> This sentence is gramatically correct, but you could change it's meaning
> just by moving "even" into one of several other positions, so I'm checking
> anyway. Is this supposed to be "even I'm" or "I'm even" or "even sure?"
>

It should be 'if I'm even worth'

Fixed.
>
>>He frowned at me, then said, "That's called lying."
>>
>>"The alternative is often called 'failure',"
>
> Very smooth. I think that hit it's mark.

Hit the nail on the head.

>
>>They did nothing wrong that anyone who wasn't as picky as myself would
> mind. Robert
>>Cooper and Shiho were acceptable. Natsuki, as always, was well-mannered.
>
> Clearly Shizuru's influence.
>
Decades of it.


>
>>I smell a trainwreck, but perhaps they will beat the odds. Either way, it
> should be interesting
>> to watch and that's all I ask.
>
> That's pretty much my approach to stories.
>
DROSSELMAYER APPROVES THIS MESSAGE :)
(of Princess Tutu fame, the worst Magical Girl Patron ever-- I gave
you these powers...BECAUSE YOU WILL ENTERTAIN ME WITH THEM!)


>>Which is? But I won't point out she's slipping up even saying there is a
> 'truth' for them not to
>>know. "But you don't like it anyway."
>
> Observant yet discrete. Very Roger.

Exactly.

>>But it would have been wiser not to draw him into this. For that matter, he
> likely already
>>knows more than he's telling.
>>
>>The question is how much more.
>
> Shizuru vs. Roger, Fight!

A very elegant battle.
>
>>We all gathered around it, staring. "Damnation, what could drive a baseball
> into this so
>>hard?"
>
> Wasn't there a pair of students in Road Trip who were sneaking off into the
> forest to practice baseball?
>
Yes.

>
>>"Of course, I'm sorry. I'm not thinking straight," she said, sounding
> embarrassed. "She was
>> my roommate for a while. She died saving people from the fire."
>
> Anthy, has to be.
>
Bing!

>>I showed it to her. It's not a secret. When she took my hand, it suddenly
> tingled... and I
>>jumped. Her eyes widened and she studied my hand carefully. "You're an only
> child, right?"
>
> Sounds like she's in the know, generally speaking. If she knows what that
> birthmark really means she's one up on the main cast.
>
All shall be revealed in time.

>>"Oh yes," she said. "Something cut a passenger ship in half and sank it.
> Tokiha Mai and
>>Minagi Mikoto showed up at school the next day, in the middle of a ring of
> fire, at the end of
>>a trail blazed all the way from the water."
>>
>>...
>>
>>"What the hell happened?" I asked.
>
>
> You usually put quotation marks around elipses in situations like that. Is
> this a change in style or a typo?
>
Typo.

>
>>"Strong. Brave. Hard-working. Very unstoppable," Natasha said proudly.
>
> She usually describes her mother as lazy. Not that she would say that to
> Mari, but she
> doesn't even hesitate the way she does when censoring the rest of her
> speech. I'm not sure
> if that was a calculated move on her part or if she just changes attitude
> naturally.
>
>
Natasha criticizes her mom to insiders but defends her to outsiders.

>>"Well, I am thankfully not a parent," Natasha said. "But I have As in four
> classes going into
>> my finals, so Mom must have done something right."
>
> Natasha has managed to be quite diplomatic. Perhaps she's developing
> discipline. Unlike the rest of her schoolmates who seem to be degrading.
>
She's trying very hard here to do a good job.

>>The two bad kids slinked off, probably to have unprotected sex.
>
> Slinked just looks so wrong. And I thought Kasumi could be judgmental.
>

Heh

>>Sanae is my usual salvation; but she was with Dan and I didn't want to get
> in their way, so I
>>went over to Rokuro's room.
>
> I've noticed you making much greater use of semicolon-cordinate conjuction
> combinations in this story. I have no idea if it means anything, but there
> it is.
>
Well, I think it's a coincidence.

>>I think Kagami just instinctively grovels before anyone who shows her even
> a little affection.
>> Especially adults. Her Mom must be a lot shittier with Kagami than she is
> with other
>>people.
>
> I pretty much agree with Natasha, though Kagami is working from a slightly
> skewed data set.
>
Yes.


>>"Kasumi. But I think she's totally uninterested in girls," Hotaru said,
> sighing.
>
> Color me surprised.
>
It was hinted at but only subtly.


>>"Yeah," I said. "Well, we could have a fling to forget our stupid past
> crushes."
>
> A different kind of relationship from the others. Should be interesting.
>
I hope so!


>>"I have very good night vision, especially now," she said.
> Yeah, I've been suspicious since they found her strolling in the rain, but
> that's definitive. The only questions are who and what.
>
That'll come out in part 3.

>
>
>>Mom and Aunt Shizuru took turns lecturing me on the way there on how
>>to be like Kasumi.
> An apt summary of "how to behave."
>

HEH.

>>    Also, her dad is ugly and balding a little.  Well, I guess he
>>probably looked okay twenty-five years ago or so.
>
> Typical Natasha
>
Yeah


>>"It's a pleasure to meet you," Aunt Haruka said, nearly shaking his
>>arm off.
> Heh.
>
>>This went on
>>and on and on in a great torrent which basically buried the rest of us
>>in words, though the general gist of it seemed to please Kagami's
>>parents.
>
> Typical Haruka.
>
It's her role in life.


>>    Kagami's parents, Aunt Natsuki, Mom, B...Mr. Cooper, and Aunt Haruka
>>all laughed loudly.
> Distancing or propriety?
>
She's trying to avoid seeming overfamiliar.


>>     "Really?  You seem a little shy and nervous to me," he said.
> Hehehe.
>
>>"I get nervous around boys," I mumbled.
>>
>>    Aunt Natsuki's efforts to hold back laughter made her sink the seven
>>instead of the fourteen, so now it was Kagami's father's turn.
>
> I know the feeling.
>

Heh.


>
>>"That was Snooker.  Snooker is not pool, snooker is some sort of
>>mutant half-tree baby of pool and a badger,"
>
> Badger is a funny word.

This is my favorite line in the whole chapter.
>
>
>>She was busy having tea with Natasha and Ms. Kikukawa.  "Mind if I
>>cut in?" I asked in English.
> ...
>>"She is very smart," Kikukawa-san said proudly.
>  Bobby used -san with Kikukawa earlier. Is he changing his internal
> narration depending on the language spoken?
>
Aargh, I have to go clean up my use of stuff to be consistant.


>>    "You dress pretty snazzy," Natasha said.
>
> She's not completely devoid of diplomacy. And that's a good compliment in
> Natasha-land
>

Yep!

>>    "Wante...," Natasha began, then seemed to realize something and
>>nearly strangled on her own tongue.  "That's awful."
>>
>>    I wonder what she was going to say.
>


> Ditto. That looks like "wanted" but "wanted" shouldn't be starting
> sentences. Is she asking about children?

Actually, now I'm not sure myself.

>
>>    "Gentle?  Mom?" Natasha said dubiously.
>>
>>    "Natasha, you really shouldn't dump on your mother," Kagami said
> firmly.
>>
>>    "Gentle?" Natasha asked again.  "You haven't seen her pissed yet, I
> see."
>
> She really is a lot like her mother.
>
Yes, she is.


>>    "Natasha is being very mean to Bo..Mr. Cooper," Kagami said.
> Reverting to more formal address under stress?

Trying to avoid seeming too informal when her parents are in the area.

> Given how much Kagami idolizes her new 'family' I think she'll be very
> distressed by any suggestion that anyone in it is less than perfectly
> loving.
>
Yes.  Kagami has INFLATED expectations.


>>     Kagami looked utterly flummoxed, while Natasha punched her arm
>>gently.  "Come on, it's your parents kissing.  They didn't make you by
>>sending a request to the ministry of health, you know," Natasha said.
>
> Natasha would be less sensetive than most kids about that.
>
Yeah

>>"That was very clever," Mr. Mitsu said.  "Kagami really does need to
>>see an example of mature, adult love, to understand why she needs to
>>wait right now on dating.  And why she doesn't have to be afraid
>>she'll be alone in the future."
>
> While I can see the 'showing her she won't be alone in the future' angle,
> demonstrating 'adult love' seems more like waving a steak in front of a
> starving dog.
>
This has been a problematic aspect of the strategy, yeah.

>>    From:  Shiho at Hime.net
>>   To:  HIME at Hime.net
>>   Subject:  I WIN AGAIN
>
> Very Shiho

Hehe.

>
>>"I have no regrets that I had you," she said to me, still clutching me.
>>
>>   "Sure you do," I told her.  "But I know you love me anyway."
>>
>>    For a moment, I thought she was going to cry.  "I have no regrets,"
>>she said firmly.  "I don't want you to EVER regret you were born."
>
> Natasha's signature blunt-trauma honesty.
>

Yep.

>>    "No he won't!," Mom said angrily.  "Gin will leave you before Bobby
> leaves me!"
>>
>>   "HAHAHA," I laughed darkly.  We were starting to get loud again.
>
> This whole thing is very much one of those "they fight because they're too
> much alike" things.
>
Exactly.


>
>>    "They're not the ones who have to die," Taiki said to Ayumi-sempai,
>>starting to hustle her off.
>
> So, does the Crimson Huntsman go in for human sacrifice or is this just
> Ayumi's personal mission?

Metaphor/exaggeration.

>
>>    I was about to say I needed to go sleep when suddenly, the sprinklers
>>kicked on.  Hotaru yelped and we got hosed down.
>
> I am becoming highly suspicious of those sprinklers.
>
*whistles innocently*

>>    "We know what you did to Kuroda-san," Kato-san said.  "Now you're
>>going to pay, Ibuki-san."
>>
>>    "Uh, what?" Hotaru asked, confused.
>
> Likewise. We?
>
We, the people who heard the rumors going around.


>
>>"Erica, you'd best go to the dorm now," Hotaru said.  "I'll catch up
>>with you when we're done."
>
> So, who does Hotaru work for? She doesn't seem angry enough for the Crimson
> Huntsman, but 'I want to be a vampire' doesn't strike me as the kind of
> 'excellence' the Silver Knight looks for either.

All shall be clear in time.

>
>>    She glared at me as if I was trying to trick her, but then she curtly
>>said, "Thank you."
>
> The latest recruit, or a red herring?
>
I cannot say.

>>He was reading a book titled "Epistemic Karantics:  The New
>>Science of Self-Actualization".  Sounds like the kind of thing which
>>causes Aunt Alyssa to shoot flames from her eyes and rant about Thomas
>>Aquinas.
>
> Awesome.
>
hehe.


>>I paged through the book.  It seemed to be new-agey claptrap about
>>how archetypes from another dimension are hampering you from using 90%
>>of your brain.
>
> Another dimension, huh?
> Under other circumstances, given how often this story shows different
> viewpoints on the same events I might be inclined to grant some legitimacy
> to position on Shiho's behavior; however, no one who writes a book like that
> can be right about anything. some legitimacy
>

All shall be shown in time.

>> I sighed.  "Knowing he is in trouble
>>when I can't do anything to help, or even know why he is in trouble,
>>frustrates me."
>
> This must be a very common feeling.
>
Yes.

>
>>Even so, I couldn't help looking back. Misty was suddenly shrouded in
>>a black fog.  The fog collapsed in on her, and now she was wearing a
>>black bodysuit with a partial black face mask; the outfit included a
>>black cape, and she pulled the hood up over her unruly hair.
>
> Bwah? Color me surprised.

Funky stuff is going down.

>
>>    Suddenly she appeared, wearing a black jacket, gloves, boots, pants,
>>shirt, hood, and mask, standing on a tree branch.
>
> Jacket vs cape just two different people getting different views of the same
> thing?

Hmm, somehow I goofed it up.  Must fix.  (It's a bodysuit and cape)

>
> Jinnai gets a surprisingly accurate summary. I suspect that makes Misty a
> good guy.
>
>> The same thing happened at Primus."  She
>>sighed, staring at her coke.
>
> Though not an entirely accurate summary.

More on Misty later.

>
>>    "We were an experiment," she said very softly and sadly.  "There were
>>seven of us.  Our parents' DNA was modified to give us powers like
>>those of the Trolls.  We were test tube babies.  And Grandfather was
>>only able to save three of us," she said very sadly.
>
> More mysteries. Does Misty look at all like Alyssa?
>
Brown hair, light colored eyes, her hair is kind of rumpled and wavy.


>>    "What happened to the other four?" I asked.
>
> I wonder if they happen to have crab-like birthmarks.
>
That is a story for later :)

>
>>    "I got the first, all thanks to Kurokami-sensei's book!," he said
>>defiantly.  "Whereas, you didn't read it and you did lousy."
>
> So either the book teaches people to tap into other dimensions, it's a red
> herring, or believing in alternate dimensions let H-boy tap into the power
> on his own.

More on this later.

>
>>    I never used to say fucking all the time before that bastard Hayao
>>messed me up.  He ruined me.  If not for Sora...
>
> Bitter, isn't she?

Very.
>
>>I turned and saw her.  Harada...Harada something or another.  Erica,
>>that's it.  Kiwara-san hates her for some stupid reason.  She tried to
>>explain to me one time, but it came out sounding like she thought she
>>was Esau and Erica was Jacob.
>
> So Kiwara is obsessed with Chie and resents Erica for having Chie's
> attention?
>
Yeah, exactly.


>
>>"He is," Taiki said, sounding relieved.  "I think we've finally
>>turned the corner."
>
> So, supernatural bribery or just good fortune?

Can't say :)
>
>>    I still don't understand why she did that.
>>
>>    But it reminded me of Hayao's bitter exes and I sighed.
>
> There is a similarity there, isn't there?
>

*whistles innocently*

>
>>    Damn them.
>>
>>    "I'm fine," Hayao said.  "You go have fun."
>>
>>    "Thanks."  Taiki took off with the bitch.  Ayumi-sempai.
>>
>>    Don't think about how easy...aaargh.
>
> Speaking of people who've developed a foul mouth, Kasumi's seriously pissed.
>

Yep!

>
>>He's made mistakes, but our family is all
>>about making mistakes and learning to forgive each other.  I know that
>>now.
>>
>>    I just hope I won't do anything that needs forgiveness on that scale.
>
> A fair point.
>

Amen.

>>    "I'm the lucky one," I told her.  I thought about her just zooming in
>>to sweep me away from the Tokugawa kid, whoever that was.  She moves
>>so fast.  I bet she'd be incredible in bed.
>>
>>    Don't rush things, I told myself.
>
> Heh. Reminds me a bit of Gin.
>

They face the same teen hormones.


>>    She brought our hands down to her lips and kissed several of my
>>fingers at once; I felt a thrill go through me and my birthmark
>>tingled intensely.
>
> I'm still not sure if those are triggered internally or externally.
>
More info to come.

>
>    I frowned.  They'd recruited Shinichiro even when he did know, though
> everyone thought he wasn't under any evil sway.
>
>    Yet.
> Given how Akio/Silver Knight operates, I suspect he'll offer them something
> they want. Without that knowledge of Akio, I'd be worried that summoning
> something into your body that controls it and follows your commands risks
> that thing following someone else's orders

It is certainly something worth worrying about.
>
>>I should buy Kagami some more nice clothing if she'd going to be
>>moving in these circles, but we really can't afford anything that
>>wouldn't just come off as cheap to someone at that level.  That made
>>me feel guilty; a mother ought to be able to help her daughter with
>>such things.
>
>
> I'm getting a good sense of Mari as a person and how Kagami ends up thinking
> what she does. Both mother/daughter pairs have their similarities and
> differences illustrated well.
>
Yeah.  They've got enough in common that it ironically fuels their conflict.


>>Unless...surely, she doesn't have a crush on Kasumi's
>>mother.
>
> Hah!

Heh :)

>
>>    She carried it as if it was as light as a feather.  I wondered how
>>strong she is.
>
> They're not nearly as good at hiding as they think they are, are they?

Yep.


>
>
>
>>    "I...YES," I said.  "Yes, I am."
>>...
>>    "You can't drive until you're twenty in Japan," Mom shouted from>
> across the condo.
>
> Heh. That's Natasha.

All the way.



>
>>    Then I closed my door and summoned my Element and did a kata with it.
>> Slowly, step-by-step, I worked my way through it, then I did it nine
>>more times.
>
> She can do naginata drills in her room?

Being a Hime has its advantages!


>>"Really?" Suki said.  "You'd expect rich people to have servants."
>>
>>    "She likes to cook for her family because it's a way to show her love
>>for them," I said, my voice wobbling just a touch.
>
> Not pointing out they aren't rich?
>

Yes.

>>    I sighed and worked on my food, and she just stared angrily at me.
>>Normally I would deny this, but I'm pretty frustrated.
>>
>>    Suki tried to say something but it didn't quite work.
>>
>>    "Well, you wouldn't have gotten in trouble if you had more sense than
>>to steal your folks' car," Naoko said hesitantly.
>
> Is this change in subject meant to be so abrupt?
>

Yes.


>>"I am surprised someone so wealthy can sew
>>this well."
>>
>>    "Kasumi's a good seamstress too," I said softly.
>
> Again, lying by omission. Is she trying to defend their reputation or is
> this part of the scam to get her to stay with Shiho?

Some of both.

>
>>My Aunts and Uncles say Mother was good
>>at avoiding saying anything before she got in trouble, so she couldn't
>>be caught lying.
>
> No wonder Mari's mother laughs at her.
>

Heh.

>>    "You have to be on your best behavior.  Natasha is a very
>>well-behaved, shy and gentle girl and you will..."
>
> Heh. That still hasn't stopped being funny.
>
Good!

>>If she knew Mai cooked that meal and had Akane deliver it to me,
>>she'd blow her top.
>
> Given how much Shiho hates accepting help from Mai I'm surprised she didn't
> blow her top.
>
Even Shiho knows when it's necessary to go to the Mai-vendor.


>>Jinnai went off with Misty afterwards; I wonder if they have a thing
>>going.  I like her, but she's too young for someone my age or
>>Jinnai's.  Not in the 'squick' level of too young, but he could be her
>>father.
>>
>>    On the other hand, the Suguiras are like that, but...
>
> Heh. A surprisingly intriguing idea, but we know better. At least from
> Jinnai's side. Misty may have a crush we don't know about...
>
Yep!


>
>>"There are ways to arm ordinary people.  I
>>could get you a gun with special ammo, but you'd have to be very
>>careful, given the gun laws in this country."
>
> I wonder who their supplier is? I did wonder how Haruka's company was making
> money developing those weapons.

Haruka's government connections are handy here.

>
>>"And Primus made you and your sisters."  I suddenly wondered if
>>Akane's DNA got used in this.  She and Misty do have the same hair
>>color...
>
> I guess they don't look like Alyssa. Unless she dyes her hair...
>
They don't look much like Alyssa.


>> If Mitsu Kagami actually IS Akane's daughter genetically...no
>>wonder she would dote on her like that.
>
> A plausible guess, given what he knows.
>
Yep!


>>    We went outside and took a look.  I counted them off.  "Four, then
>>there is the one that is down and right from the far left one but I
>>think that's the top of the sword."
>
> Well, damn. And Gin can see it too, so it seems to be anyone with a
> connection, not just one side;'s champions.
>
If you know where to look in the night sky.  AWFUL LOT OF STARS OUT THERE.


>>    How could he tell?  "I was not," I told him.
>
> She sounds just like her daughter.
>

Parents sometimes do that.

>>    He frowned.  "How weird.  But not illegal.  Hopefully not casing
>>houses for robbery.
>
> My money is on kidnapping.
>
> I've noticed that you've stopped using the irregular form of verbs like
> 'leap' and 'kneel' and I confess I'm finding it very distracting. Anytime
> one of the "ed" versions shows up it jolts me out of the story.

All my pre-readers tend to give me a different take on this.  ^^;;

>
> Final Notes:
>
> All the new POVs come off as well rounded. I have a very good understanding
> of who Mari
> and Kagami are and how they came to be those people and how they relate to
> each other.
> Kazuo fills his role and is identifiable enough as a person, but he's a
> clear second to Mari. If I
>  was a publisher editing for pagecount I'd even sugest trimming/condensing
> some of the Mari
> POV, as I think you establihed her quite solidly and some of it just seemed
> to be covering the
> same ground. Which is probably how she feels when dealing with Kagami but
> that's not
> necessarily something you want the readers to feel. Or that may be my
> personal preferences
> talking, given that, of the children, Kagami is the one I'm least interested
> in.

I'm very happy with Mari and Kagami and how I've got things set up there.

>
> This chapter introduced several new mysteries, though it had less of the
> runing around trying
> to figure out what other people know that I so enjoy. The POVs for the new
> kids work fine.

More of that, later.

>
> Shiho's self esteem issues and reslutant self-aggrandizement (and Natasha's
> complete failure
> to understand same) were illustrated nicely.
> Bobby is fleshed out though, as Dorothy says, not really in Roger's league.
> I think you've
> established his relationship with Shiho quite well; I'll be interested in
> seeing how he deals with
>  Natasha next.

Part 2 focuses a lot on Shiho/Kagami/Natasha/Bobby.  It is titled 'The
Sun Always Outshines the Moon', and will eventually get on the FFML
once it finishes a going over elsewhere.

Thanks a ton for the comments.  I'm going to be sans Internet until
next week, so I may be slow to further reply.