[FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow, chapter 7 (first impressions)

[The Eternal Lost Lurker]

> Speak of the devil, I just finished rereading the first six of these....

Heh.

Before I get into specific comments, a little counter-C&C: in the future 
(and this goes for all stories you respond to, not just mine), could you 
please mark quoted text and your own comments with a bit more clarity? 
Sifting through the reply without proper quoting to find the comments is 
mildly annoying, and proper quoting is not only simple, it's good manners. 
^_^

> Me: I will give you this much, hitting on the exact insult to get 
> Mako-chan _really_ ticked is a bit of luck (although it is a common enough 
> epithet).

Jupiter and the paper youma are rather like-minded creatures. Quite vulgar, 
and not a lot of room for variety in their choice short list of insults.

> Me: OTOH, twice in a row?

Like I said.

> Before anyone could think to protest, Jupiter was over the wall and gone.
>
> Me: This... could be bad.  Her pimp is already running scared of her, and 
> I  hope that... darn, she takes the clients personally, doesn't she?

Well, considering what she DOES for a living...

"I have
> performed my duties for the day, and the whereabouts and actions of 
> Jupiter
> are not my concern."
>
> Me: Then why would she be concerned?

Ami isn't as cold-hearted as she believes herself to be, or as she presents 
herself to others. She's also not completely self-centered. She's 
just...well...*frosty*.

> Me: Emotional concern over (comparative or presumed) innocents overriding 
> logical factors.  The fact that she backs down (of for no other reason 
> that she _doesn't_ have any way to find her until the damage is done) fits 
> with the whole DarkerAndEdgier factor, but I see you are still going for 
> the Usagi-As-Moral-Beacon bit.

Well, yeah. This isn't one of those UtVS type stories. It's more like 
Moon-HiME.

> Jupiter smirked. *He's gonna have fun explaining THAT to his wife.*
>
> Me: Okay, at least a little restraint is a good sign.

One thing Makoto has learned from two years as a whore: humiliation is a 
more effective means of torture and punishment than outright violence.

> Me: Serenity and Tux-Boy are going to have an amusing meeting....

Oh yes.

> Me: I wonder how good Dr. Mizuno is at getting secrets out of her daughter 
> when she bothers to pay attention.  She can be forgiven for missing the 
> rape-related trauma depending on her specialty, but it looks like they do 
> not communicate much.

Sayoko and Ami are in two completely different worlds, and Ami rarely ever 
bothers to talk to her mother. So it's natural she'd miss certain warning 
signs--you can't operate in a vacuum.

> Five seconds later, a blond Senshi was racing back up the street at twice
> the speed the bus had travelled.
>
> Me: And this is with the training wheels.  These Senshi are going to be 
> serious threats once they train up a bit.

They're going to have to be.

> Me: I get her reflexive presumption of hypocricy, but doing worse to the 
> guy who ratted her out than the scatoliphile (yes, I guessed) seems to be 
> going a little overboard.

She doesn't have any dirt on Kanzou like she did on Mr. Brown. Therefore, 
random violence.

> The girl who had very nearly just killed him had somehow disappeared,
> leaving the delinquent Kino whore in her place.
>
> Me: Oh, _this_ will come back to bite everyone.  And a neat (although 
> possible dangerous) trick of Arti*cough* Timothy.

This is just a *small* sample of what Artemis can dish out...

> "Go home, Jupiter. I will cover up for your misdeeds--this one time only.
> If
> you go off on a rampage like this again, however..." He let the threat
> hang
> in the air, ominous as a thundercloud.
>
> Me: Which one?  No more powers?  Mindwipe?  Start over with new 
> incarnation?  Outing?

Please, like he'd resort to anything so trivial.

> Me: Okay, the Senshi cannot use powers for evil but mages can... this 
> could lead to problems.

Artemis created the Sea of Tranquility and enslaved a demon panther to his 
will with TWO of the most powerful forms of magical binding in existence. 
This wasn't a warning sign? :P

> She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, all thoughts of Senshi, monsters, 
> and
> strange men with blurry faces flowing out of her mind like bathwater down 
> a
> drain.
>
> Me: Then how will she think to seek out/talk to this princess?  Better to 
> just forget exactly what stopped her with the last guy.

That wasn't meant to be literal--that last paragraph wasn't indicative of a 
mindwipe. You're reading too hard between the lines.

> The apparition vanished, its derisive laughter echoing long after its
> departure.
>
> Beryl remained in a foul mood for several hours.
>
> Me: And we have Metallia.

Oh, do we now? *chuckle*

Thanks for the comments!

================================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com