[FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow, chapter 7 (first impressions)

[H. Torrance Griffin]

Speak of the devil, I just finished rereading the first six of these....

--- On Sun, 11/23/08, The Eternal Lost Lurker <lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net> wrote:
From: The Eternal Lost Lurker <lurkerdrome at sbcglobal.net>
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow, chapter 7 (first draft)
To: "FFML" <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
Date: Sunday, November 23, 2008, 7:12 PM



"You insolent little whore!" the youma screeched.

The green-clad Senshi stiffened, tension flooding her posture. Then, she let
out an almost inhuman snarl. "Oh, you'll pay for that one, bitch. I
don't
know who the fuck you are, or what your problem is, but you just pissed off
the wrong girl."

Me: I will give you this much, hitting on the exact insult to get Mako-chan _really_ ticked is a bit of luck (although it is a common enough epithet).


Serenity buried her reddening face in her gloved hands. "This isn't
happening..."

"She is...very spirited..." Mercury offered, her own cheeks flushed.

"LET GO OF ME, YOU STUPID HUMAN SLUT!" Amami screamed, trying to bite
Jupiter's hand, struggling to summon her shredded, flailing remains to her
defence. Whatever Jupiter had done to her, it had been incredibly
thorough--her control over paper was utterly broken.

Me: OTOH, twice in a row? 


"Really? That's cool." Jupiter stretched, popping her back, and
let out a
relieved sigh. "And I'm not even sore anymore. Heh." Suddenly,
her happy
expression turned rather savage, twisted. "Hey, I gotta run. I've got
stuff
to do." She cracked her knuckles, and a feral gleam entered her green
eyes.
"Yeah, there's a couple chumps I really need to have a little chat
with..."

Before anyone could think to protest, Jupiter was over the wall and gone.

Me: This... could be bad.  Her pimp is already running scared of her, and I  hope that... darn, she takes the clients personally, doesn't she?


Today, however, she was determined to try to get the quiet girl to open up a
bit, even if it took a pushy, thoroughly gaijin hard-sell to crack that
damnably reserved Japanese cocoon Hino Rei had hidden herself away in.

*Mum would positively LOVE this girl. Except for the Bible-freak thing,
she's a total stereotype.*

Me: This could be fun....

"The material is magical, so what they look like doesn't really
matter,"
Luna explained as she slowed to let the two girls catch up. "The Senshi
back
in the Silver Millenium didn't look like you two. Their uniforms were
more..." She paused. "Well, they looked like a cross between a very
short
cocktail dress and a garment I believe you call a negligee."

Me: *snort*  No complaining about them again....

Mercury likewise reverted to her normal self. "Of more immediate concern
is
what our new ally meant to do when she departed."

Usagi blinked, and her brown eyes widened in horror. "Masaka...you
don't
think she's planning to use her powers on *people*?!"

"That was the impression I was given by her comments," Ami said with
a
frown, leaning on the railing.

"Then what are we doing wasting time here? We've gotta change back and
go
after her! MOON--"

"I have no intention of pursuing a renegade Senshi all over Tokyo,"
Ami said
flatly, already making her way toward the fire escape ladder. "I have
performed my duties for the day, and the whereabouts and actions of Jupiter
are not my concern."

Me: Then why would she be concerned?

"--but--"

Ami paused. "Tsukino-san, do you have even the slightest clue where she
might have gone?"

Usagi faltered. "Well...no..."

"If she causes too much damage, it will not take long to learn where she
went--if you truly intend to pursue her after witnessing how dangerous she
is. Otherwise, I suggest simply waiting until tomorrow, and speaking to her
when we return to school--I am correct, am I not, in assuming that Jupiter
is Kino Makoto-san?"

"Hai..."

"Then good day, Tsukino-san."

Usagi watched the short-haired girl descend the fire escape. A soft rumbling
at her side drew her attention. "She's right," Luna said quietly.
"You'd
never find Jupiter in this city, not with the head start she has on us."

"But, Luna...what if she hurts someone...? What if...what if she..."

Me: Emotional concern over (comparative or presumed) innocents overriding logical factors.  The fact that she backs down (of for no other reason that she _doesn't_ have any way to find her until the damage is done) fits with the whole DarkerAndEdgier factor, but I see you are still going for the Usagi-As-Moral-Beacon bit.

The man with the brown mark through his name in the work ledger of a teenage
prostitute now had a matching set of brown marks all over the walls, floor,
and ceiling of his one-story home, not to mention several on his face,
hands, and clothes.

Jupiter smirked. *He's gonna have fun explaining THAT to his wife.*

Me: Okay, at least a little restraint is a good sign.

The tea-haired girl slumped. "Oh right...THAT."

"You know, you're lucky to have Chiba-kun," Ikuko snapped,
scowling. "You'll
appreciate what we're doing for you someday."

Me: Serenity and Tux-Boy are going to have an amusing meeting....

Mizuno Sayoko emerged from the toilet, still wiping her hands on a
handkerchief. She raised an eyebrow at her daughter. "Yes, I'm off
duty
afternoons until next week...more importantly, why are *you* home?" She
frowned; her professional demeanor slid into place. "You're not
feeling ill
again, are you?"

"Iie, Okaasan. The school was merely closed due to an emergency." She
sighed. "And my books are still there."

Sayoko relaxed, then smiled. "Well then, since I'm off work and you
can't
hide your nose in a book, why don't we just...talk? We never just talk
anymore...I feel so distant from you these days..."

Ami sighed tiredly. "Alright, we can...talk."

Me: I wonder how good Dr. Mizuno is at getting secrets out of her daughter when she bothers to pay attention.  She can be forgiven for missing the rape-related trauma depending on her specialty, but it looks like they do not communicate much.

=-------------=

The bus pulled up to the last stop on the route, one stop past where Hino
Rei debarked. Gathering up her bag, Mina stepped off the bus, glancing
around to get her bearings.

Rei had been somewhat evasive concerning Mina's offer to come over after
school to study. The British girl was beginning to suspect Rei was ashamed
of something at home.

Me: Ojiisan?

Curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she decided to do some snooping.

Spotting an oddly vacant kouban nearby, and glancing around to make sure
nobody was watching, she slipped inside, crouched low so as not to be seen,
and quietly whispered, "Moon Power, Transform."

Five seconds later, a blond Senshi was racing back up the street at twice
the speed the bus had travelled.

Me: And this is with the training wheels.  These Senshi are going to be serious threats once they train up a bit.

=-------------=

As Rei swept the steps, a pair of large crows fluttered to land near her,
cawing loudly. The shrine maiden smiled, and produced a packaged bread roll
from her robes. Opening it, she broke it in half, and offered a piece to
each bird. They took the offerings eagerly, taking wing to roost in the
trees within the courtyard.

Rei watched them eat for a long moment, then returned to her chores.

Mina watched silently for a while. Surely Rei didn't *live* here, did she?
She probably just worked here for pocket money, or...

An extremely shrivelled old man with a large, bald head emerged from the
main shrine, busying himself with the omamori kiosk. As he worked, he called
out, "So, Rei-chan, how are things at school?"

"School is fine, Jijiue." Rei paused. "Actually...I have a new
friend."

The old priest blinked. "A friend? Really? That's great!"
Suddenly, his
heavy brows drew downward. "A girl, though, right? Not some boy...?"

"Yes, it is a girl," Rei replied, flushing. "She recently
transferred from
overseas."

"A gaijin, eh?" The short, bald old man frowned.

"She is half-Japanese, and she is very nice...if a bit forward."

Rei's grandfather seemed slightly mollified by that. "She
Buddhist?"

"I have...not discussed matters of her personal beliefs with her,"
Rei
replied.

The old priest snorted. "Probably Christian, damn gaijin are always
Christian, looking at us like we're fools..."

Rei's grip on her broom tensed. "In any event, she is very nice, and I
have
enjoyed taking lunch with her, even though I do very little of the
talking."
A slight smile broke through her strained neutral expression. "She
certainly
loves to talk."

Me: Grandpa.  Might there be a theological/confessional strain between the two?

=-------------=

Kanzou Mitsuhiko was a morally upright, civic-minded citizen and a stern
believer in strict discipline. He believed in the virtues of proper,
socially acceptable behaviour, and the time-honoured tradition of hammering
down nails that dared to stick out.

Ironic, then, that he was about to be hammered down himself. By an
incredibly angry girl in a ridiculous costume.

Who was strong enough to lift him over her head. And whose fist was
crackling with static electricity.

Me: I get her reflexive presumption of hypocricy, but doing worse to the guy who ratted her out than the scatoliphile (yes, I guessed) seems to be going a little overboard.


The interloper sighed theatrically. "Children. It's always the
same." He
snapped his fingers, and spoke a strange word that echoed heavily in the
air. With a thunderous roar, a miniature green and silver whirlwind erupted
around the Amazon. She screamed angrily, sparks blasting through the walls
of the vortex to no effect; after a long moment, it faded away, the roar
dying down with it.

Kanzou had only a moment to register the shock of what he saw next:

The girl who had very nearly just killed him had somehow disappeared,
leaving the delinquent Kino whore in her place.

Me: Oh, _this_ will come back to bite everyone.  And a neat (although possible dangerous) trick of Arti*cough* Thomas.

Makoto stared down at herself, eyes wide with shock. "No...NO!" she
shrieked. "What did you DO to me, you--"

"I have nullified your Senshi abilities temporarily," the other man
said in
calm, even tones. "It would be prudent for you to return home, calm down,
and take stock of what you have done this day. This is not the manner in
which these powers are meant to be used. You exist to FIGHT evil, not to
BECOME it." For the briefest of moments, his eyes glowed with a brilliant
silver light. "By sunset tomorrow, you will be able to become Jupiter
again.
Use the time wisely. Talk to the Princess. She is very anxious to have words
with you, after your abrupt departure earlier."

Makoto still looked incredibly angry, but her posture had relaxed slightly.
"The...Princess?"

"Go home, Jupiter. I will cover up for your misdeeds--this one time only.
If
you go off on a rampage like this again, however..." He let the threat
hang
in the air, ominous as a thundercloud.

Me: Which one?  No more powers?  Mindwipe?  Start over with new incarnation?  Outing?

Makoto stared hard at him for a long, tense moment...then bowed her head.
"Alright." She glanced at Kanzou, then, and scowled. "You owe
this guy your
life, you piece of shit." With that, she stalked off as fast as dignity
would allow.

Kanzou swallowed thickly. "Thank...what...who...?"

The second man regarded him with a cold gaze. "Now, as for YOU," he
said
softly...

Several hours later, police would find Kanzou Mitsuhiko lying naked in a
public park, marinated in cheap potato whiskey, babbling incoherently in a
strange mixture of French, Russian, and Yiddish.

He was one of the lucky ones.

Me: Okay, the Senshi cannot use powers for evil but mages can... this could lead to problems.

=-------------=

*No, that's not right. I DO want the power. I LIKE the power. I just...*

*I need to learn to do what's right with it...*

She sighed, shoulders slumping wearily. "Yeah...tomorrow I'll talk to
that
Princess, whoever she is. God, I'm such a screw-up..."

Her last thoughts before exhaustion claimed her were of the stranger who had
stopped her from making a horrible mistake.

Odd...she'd been mere centimetres away from him, and yet she couldn't
quite
remember his face. There was a nagging sense that he seemed
familiar--something in his voice, perhaps, or his eyes...

His eyes...what color had they been again?

*I just...can't remember...*

She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, all thoughts of Senshi, monsters, and
strange men with blurry faces flowing out of her mind like bathwater down a
drain.

Me: Then how will she think to seek out/talk to this princess?  Better to just forget exactly what stopped her with the last guy.


Beryl stewed silently upon her throne once the blonde man had teleported
away. After some minutes had passed in dark contemplation, a sibilant voice
intruded upon her musings:

[They cannot be trusssted. You sssee that, don't you?]

The dark queen's eyes narrowed. "You again."

A swirling, etheral mist without defining boundaries or any semblance of
proper shape hovered in the air a metre from Beryl's throne. Its only
distinct features were a pair of holes inset with twinkling violet star-like
sparks, and a long, misshapen break in the mist which looked like a mouth,
cracked wide in a mocking leer.

[Thossse traitorsss...betrayersss...loyalty and honour and integrity?! BAH!
What nonsssenssse...better to kill them all now and...]

"They have served me faithfully since the Fall," Beryl said frostily.

[But you do not trussst them.]

"And what concern is that of yours?" Beryl demanded of the misty
face.

[Oh, I could care lesssssss...] The phantasm cackled. [But yesssss...I sssee
why you do not kill them. You need them...no. You do not kill them becaussse
you are too weak...]

Beryl scowled darkly.

[Oooooohhh? Have I ssstruck a nerve?] The cackling rose in pitch.
[Yessssss...too weak to kill four traitorsss...what a pitiful queen you
are...]

"GET *OUT*!" Beryl roared, black power snapping furiously around her.

[My my...assssss you wissssh, your Majesssty...]

The apparition vanished, its derisive laughter echoing long after its
departure.

Beryl remained in a foul mood for several hours.

Me: And we have Metallia.  Beryl is in the driver's seat, but for how long?