[FFML] [fanfic][www][Detective Conan] Hannin-san Chapter 1 @ MythrilMoth.net

[鮎川清子]

MM,

I read to the end. I’m not a huge fan of Conan, so I admit, I’m not sure I can add anything for characterisation. Plot seems pretty episodic and in line with the 

As a Japanese speaker, I have to agree with Dot. I’ll use honorifics myself in my English fanfiction/Japan-based original fiction, but I think it’s completely unnecessary to use tiny amounts of Japanese like that. While it’s true that most of your readers probably know things like “arigatou” and “gomen nasai,” it doesn’t seem to further the atmosphere at all. The use of Japanese interjections like “mou” and “ne” are even more unnecessary, and just like interjections in English, the nuance and context really figures on how they’re used. Without seeing a complete Japanese sentence, I’m not fully prepared to say you nailed the nuance, although I certainly think you’re in the right area. I’d say using appropriate English interjections would be much better. 

Also, you include some Japanese at the end in kanji and kana. I’m going to imagine the vast majority of your readers can’t read that, although I could. Of course, with jisho.org, it’s pretty easy for people to look it up, I suppose.

—Kiyoko

> On Dec 4, 2015, at 2:24 PM, Dot Warner <dotchan at dotchan.com> wrote:
> 
> Only got two formatting comments right now.  I'll probably have to reread the story a few more times in order to give 
> meaningful concrit on the plot/characterization.
> 
> 1) Other than honorifics, I'm not convinced it's necessary to have Japanese in the narrative or dialogue unless 
> somebody (in the story itself) isn't fluent and you want to highlight the language barrier.
> 2) If you do keep stuff in Japanese, I would suggest you add English "subtitles" via tooltips (a feature possible in 
> HTML5, at least), since you're running your own website.  Though most of the Japanese is understandable even to a 
> non-Japanese fluent person via context (especially if they are a fan of Detective Conan), some of it isn't 100% clear.
> 
> -"Dot"
> http://dotchan.com/
> 
> I'm my own mind-altering substance. 8)
> 
> 
>> -------Original Message-------
>> From: Mythril Moth <mythrilmoth at mythrilmoth.net>
>> To: The Fanfiction Mailing List <ffml at chez-vrolet.net>
>> Subject: Re: [FFML] [fanfic][www][Detective Conan] Hannin-san Chapter 1 @ MythrilMoth.net
>> Sent: Dec 03 '15 03:05
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Yeah, I did some link shuffling on that story and forgot I'd posted a
>> notice on the FFML. My bad.
>> 
>> http://www.mythrilmoth.net/conanfics/ab00.html
>> 
>> There's the correct link.
>> 
>> On 12/2/2015 12:36 PM, Dot Warner wrote: