[FFML] [Ranma][Revised] Hearts and Minds, Part 4 of 10

[Gary Kleppe]

On 07/17/2013 04:51 PM, Michael Clark wrote:
> As always, comments are separated by the aspect of the story they
> pertain to.
>
> (Plot and Structure)
>
> So Biaozi is at least familiar enough with the General to speak with him
> directly.  Interesting.


Yes, he had a hand in recruiting her for this operation.


>> Grunting impatiently, she spun him to face the other direction.
>
> What is the meaning of this action?


She's facing him away from her so she can use the memory-erasing shampoo 
that she used on Akane way back in her first appearance of the original 
series.


> Genma's plan is quite clever, albeit somewhat dangerous to the group, as
> far as I can see.  Fighting among all these cursed springs carries a
> significant risk that someone on their own side will be cursed, too.
> That said, perhaps with Kasumi's technique this risk is no longer
> something they need to really care about.


It is a risk, but not a major one. They (now) know exactly what the 
springs can do, they aren't careless about this stuff the way they used 
to be, and their opponents aren't accustomed to fighting against martial 
artists.


> The battle is over somewhat quickly, but given that this is just one
> small conflict in a larger war, it seems justified.
>
> (Characterization and Development)
>
>> Lieutenant Batachikhan did as he was told, with no doubt the Amazon
>> behind him -- Shan Pu was the name he'd heard -- would kill him in an
>> instant if he didn't follow instructions. He had no idea why they
>> hadn't done away with him already. They were all crazy, these
>> "Amazons," every last one of them. Nothing but cold-blooded killers.
>> Command should've just dropped a bomb on the whole damn village and
>> been done with it.
>
> What is the nature of this outlook?  It doesn't seem wholly
> unreasonable, but I think Batachikhan's opinion could be fleshed out
> with some details about the horror stories he's heard.  Otherwise, it
> could come off as mere misconception.


Well, it is misconception of a sort. It's propaganda used to dehumanize 
the enemy and to make them afraid so they won't balk about committing 
what some might consider atrocities. I'll think about whether more 
explanation of this is necessary but I'm not sure it is.


> Akane chides herself for being baited into a confrontation with Kodachi;
> baiting, I think, is putting it a bit mildly.  Kodachi has actually
> caused her to lose her footing here, even if Akane can't understand how
> Kodachi did it.  In general, Kodachi's behavior seems like a catalyst
> for Akane and Ranma to get over some lingering flaws, but what of
> Kodachi herself?  The impetus seems on Ranma and Akane to resist and
> improve, but the idea that Kodachi can get over her confrontational
> behavior seems a bit distant.


How much Kodachi's character develops in this series remains to be seen. 
One of my intents in this series is to try to do some interesting 
development with each of the regulars. But not every one of them is 
going to go through something like a total attitude change as that would 
get a little forced. (By now you've seen the ending to this chapter, so 
that will obviously have some bearing. :)


>> She sighed. Yesterday, when Kodachi had carelessly drugged a Mongol
>> captain into a coma, Ranma had chewed her out, and Akane had agreed
>> with him. But now, she might have done the same -- not to one man, but
>> to the entire village that they were supposed to be rescuing.  Do as I
>> say, not as I do, seemed to be her motto.
>
> This rather plays into the whole picture that's being painted; Kodachi
> did what she did as a loose cannon, without the collective consent of
> the group.  This plan, I can only assume, has been put into action
> thanks to a reasoned consensus.  Akane could reasonably be much less
> worried about this action and the apparent hypocrisy than she is.


She's being hard on herself, yeah.


> So, Gosunkugi felt he was living a dull life.  A reasonable motivation
> to join something he's otherwise in over his head with.  He and Ti Pi
> seem to have some common ground.


They do, yeah. And both are primarily thinkers before being fighters.


> These little moments of Shampoo learning about fantasy vs. reality, of
> Ukyo looking back on old times with her father and seeing adulthood
> wasn't so rosy, are really great.


Thanks!


>> Ranma crawled quickly and quietly from vehicle top to vehicle top.
>> Trucks, jeeps and a few tanks -- about thirty total -- were parked in
>> neatly arranged rows. Ranma wondered why the tanks were here; from
>> what he'd been able to find out, they hadn't been used against the
>> Amazons. Maybe they'd been brought along just in case.
>
> This is another rather sudden scene switch.
>
> The battle scene is flowing and almost poetical, giving the impression
> of many moving pieces all contributing to a whole.
>
> (Misc)
>
>> "One who's a ringleader of sorts is Saotome Ranma. A martial artist
>> who runs a dojo in Japan. From the description I got, he's our boy
>> from the motor pool incident. Some of the locals claim that he's
>> Shan's ex-husband, while others say that they're just old friends, or
>> that she used to chase after him but he wasn't interested."
>
> He could probably be described as a man by now, right?


Yeah, he didn't mean "boy" in that sense.


> I refer back to my remarks about Shampoo and Ukyo above.  I definitely
> seem these themes of growing into adulthood, learning maturity, trying
> to put old flaws and habits behind.  This war with the Mongols serves as
> the mechanism for all these issues that have yet to be dealt with to
> come to light, for Ranma to put aside some of his stubbornness, for
> Akane to confront her insecurities.  I think, at last, I see a little
> more of what you're trying to do.


Great, I hope it continues to work for you as it goes onward... Thanks 
once again for the helpful commentary.