[FFML] [Ranma][Revised] Hearts and Minds, Part 4 of 10

[Michael Clark]

As always, comments are separated by the aspect of the story they
pertain to.

(Plot and Structure)

So Biaozi is at least familiar enough with the General to speak with him
directly.  Interesting.

> Grunting impatiently, she spun him to face the other direction.

What is the meaning of this action?

Genma's plan is quite clever, albeit somewhat dangerous to the group, as
far as I can see.  Fighting among all these cursed springs carries a
significant risk that someone on their own side will be cursed, too.
That said, perhaps with Kasumi's technique this risk is no longer
something they need to really care about.

The battle is over somewhat quickly, but given that this is just one
small conflict in a larger war, it seems justified.

(Characterization and Development)

> Lieutenant Batachikhan did as he was told, with no doubt the Amazon
> behind him -- Shan Pu was the name he'd heard -- would kill him in an
> instant if he didn't follow instructions. He had no idea why they
> hadn't done away with him already. They were all crazy, these
> "Amazons," every last one of them. Nothing but cold-blooded killers.
> Command should've just dropped a bomb on the whole damn village and
> been done with it.

What is the nature of this outlook?  It doesn't seem wholly
unreasonable, but I think Batachikhan's opinion could be fleshed out
with some details about the horror stories he's heard.  Otherwise, it
could come off as mere misconception.


Akane chides herself for being baited into a confrontation with Kodachi;
baiting, I think, is putting it a bit mildly.  Kodachi has actually
caused her to lose her footing here, even if Akane can't understand how
Kodachi did it.  In general, Kodachi's behavior seems like a catalyst
for Akane and Ranma to get over some lingering flaws, but what of
Kodachi herself?  The impetus seems on Ranma and Akane to resist and
improve, but the idea that Kodachi can get over her confrontational
behavior seems a bit distant.

> She sighed. Yesterday, when Kodachi had carelessly drugged a Mongol
> captain into a coma, Ranma had chewed her out, and Akane had agreed
> with him. But now, she might have done the same -- not to one man, but
> to the entire village that they were supposed to be rescuing.  Do as I
> say, not as I do, seemed to be her motto.

This rather plays into the whole picture that's being painted; Kodachi
did what she did as a loose cannon, without the collective consent of
the group.  This plan, I can only assume, has been put into action
thanks to a reasoned consensus.  Akane could reasonably be much less
worried about this action and the apparent hypocrisy than she is.


So, Gosunkugi felt he was living a dull life.  A reasonable motivation
to join something he's otherwise in over his head with.  He and Ti Pi
seem to have some common ground.


These little moments of Shampoo learning about fantasy vs. reality, of
Ukyo looking back on old times with her father and seeing adulthood
wasn't so rosy, are really great.

(Style and Command)

> Ranma crawled quickly and quietly from vehicle top to vehicle top.
> Trucks, jeeps and a few tanks -- about thirty total -- were parked in
> neatly arranged rows. Ranma wondered why the tanks were here; from
> what he'd been able to find out, they hadn't been used against the
> Amazons. Maybe they'd been brought along just in case.

This is another rather sudden scene switch.

The battle scene is flowing and almost poetical, giving the impression
of many moving pieces all contributing to a whole.

(Misc)

> "One who's a ringleader of sorts is Saotome Ranma. A martial artist
> who runs a dojo in Japan. From the description I got, he's our boy
> from the motor pool incident. Some of the locals claim that he's
> Shan's ex-husband, while others say that they're just old friends, or
> that she used to chase after him but he wasn't interested."

He could probably be described as a man by now, right?

(Theme)

I refer back to my remarks about Shampoo and Ukyo above.  I definitely
seem these themes of growing into adulthood, learning maturity, trying
to put old flaws and habits behind.  This war with the Mongols serves as
the mechanism for all these issues that have yet to be dealt with to
come to light, for Ranma to put aside some of his stubbornness, for
Akane to confront her insecurities.  I think, at last, I see a little
more of what you're trying to do.