[FFML] [Crossover] [Drabble] Two Wizards

[Adrian Tymes]

Giving a bit of specific C&C...

On Mon, Jul 1, 2013 at 7:22 AM, Ragman Jack <studiopc at sbcglobal.net> wrote:

> Pepper winced. She hadn't told Harry the truth about his abilities or what
> had really happened to his parents. She hadn't lied per say


"per se"


> "No. I mean, I know I need too


"I need to"


> "Yeah . . . I mean . . . no, you're right. I'll do it when you get back."
>

Slightly forgivable, but ellipses are supposed to be "...", not " . . . ".

As to continuing it - sure, you could toss in tech toys, but I think
you'd have a better story if you concentrate on how their time
together changed Harry and Tony.  Tony has more to fight for, and
Harry hasn't been oppressed by his own father figure - he might
actually respect authority, within limits.

(If you've seen original Star Trek and the rebooted movies, it's
much like Kirk, only in reverse: new Kirk/previous Harry had no
respected father present, but previous Kirk/new Harry had one.)

Also, this Harry has had an education about mechanics - and
the physics behind them.  Better than mere tech toys: what
happens when Harry figures out how to apply the principles of a
fusion reactor's containment design to a fireball spell?  "The
hero wins because he knows how to use nature (magic) AND
science (technology), while his foes cling to an imagined divide
between the two" is a theme you could get some readers
interested in, so long as it doesn't devolve into easy curbstomps.
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