[FFML] [Ranma][Revised] Hearts and Minds, Part 6 of 10

[Gary Kleppe]

On 08/03/2013 12:22 AM, Michael Clark wrote:

> The first scene has a bit where Akane tells Nabiki what they found in
> the fallout of the end of the last chapter.  I think having Akane relate
> all this information over the phone makes it very expository and a bit
> dry.  Why not directly show the group discovering that Mousse is gone,
> that Kasumi has been taken along with him, and so on?  A conversation
> with Nabiki, if necessary to advance the plot in other areas, can be
> reduced to a couple sentences.  I think showing the process of discovery
> would strengthen the scene considerably.


That seems reasonable, and I'll certainly consider it.


> Biaozi's reaction to news that Shampoo has been cursed is helpful, in
> that it clarifies that whoever "killed" Kodachi is not working with
> Biaozi.
>
>
> If the cursed water that would be used to restore Shampoo to her natural
> body is cursed at a particular time, and this is the same process
> Cologne went through, why would Cologne's water make Shampoo old?


Good question. I guess my explanation would be that the water that the 
Amazons use, because of its distance from the central magic of Jusenkyo, 
has a limited shelf life, and the ritual would need to be re-done every 
10-20 years or so.


> My criticism of the first scene could also apply to the scene with Kuno
> waking up in a hospital bed.  Here, he's informed of the efforts to
> discover the attacker's identity, the progress of the efforts to restore
> Shampoo--both are things I feel we should be seeing "first-hand".


I'll think about this, though it seems to me the real impact of this 
isn't from the fact of it but from Tatewaki having to deal with it. He 
has a problem but his usual method, a straightforward attack, won't work.


> Gosunkugi recorded a conversation with Cologne?  That's quite
> convenient; the solution to what the Linghungbao does can be obtained
> quickly and easily that way.  To be honest, I don't accept Gosunkugi's
> reasons for having recorded that conversation to be reasonable, and for
> this reason, that he recorded it at all seems like a case of the tail
> wagging the dog.  There is no real reason for him to have done so except
> it is necessary to move the plot forward.


Alas, this is another of those things that were shown in the preludes. 
Not sure if I can do anything here to make it more palatable to people 
who haven't read them but I'll give it some thought.


> The brick on the gas pedal is a nice trick.
>
>
> It's a little difficult to keep the Western mercenaries that Ranma and
> co. face all distinct from one another.  It strikes me that the scene
> might be better told from one of their perspectives, as they would
> naturally know names and be able to keep things separate, but that would
> lose the effect of panic and surprise on Ranma's part (and on others'
> parts).  Perhaps it is best that the scene is a bit dizzying; it's
> dizzying for Ranma, too.


Yeah. You will see some scenes from the viewpoint of at least one of 
them and hopefully get to know them better as the story goes on.


> In the scene with Biaozi, Michaels, and Herb, we get a glimpse of
> Biaozi's motivations--essentially, to save the Amazons from the decline
> they seem to be in, even if it means upending the whole society itself.
> A noble goal.  Taking leadership of the Amazon is but a means to that
> end, however.  She has to use that position to put something forward, to
> revitalize the village and the people.  I don't quite see what it is she
> intends to do yet.  Perhaps she intends to train the Amazons harder, so
> that there will be great warriors again (or perhaps the horrors of this
> war will do that for her), but if not that, then I remain uncertain.


It's more a matter of the Amazons' interaction with the world outside 
their village. Will they give up their more or less isolated existence, 
and if so on what terms? Also, how they'll make use of the resources to 
which they have access. As you'll see in a forthcoming chapter, Biaozi 
has violated Amazon law and exploited one such resource in a way that 
most of them would consider unthinkable.


> Nabiki seems strangely suspicious of Elder Lan.  Why is that?


Partly her own nature, partly circumstances. If I brought out an 
unconscious old woman and told people that this is Michael Clark's new 
cursed form, I should expect people to be a bit suspicious, especially 
if the usual ways of reversing the curse didn't work.


> I like Kuno's moment of self-reflection in the hospital.  It gives him
> some depth, especially the part where he confronts his feelings toward
> Akane and Ranma, so to speak.


Thanks.


>> "We-- we don't know." She took a breath before continuing.  "There was
>> some sort of loud crash that woke all of us up." *Well, most of us,*
>> she amended mentally, but now wasn't the time to discuss her husband's
>> sleeping habits. "When we looked, there was nothing there. Mu Si -- he
>> was supposed to be on guard -- was gone, and Kasumi was nowhere to be
>> seen either."
>
> They still are gone. Something in me wants to say, "Mu Si ... is gone,
> and so is Kasumi."


Hm. Not sure about that. She's relating what she saw at the time. But 
I'll consider.

Thanks once again for the comments!