[FFML] [Fanfic][Draft 1][Avengers/Marvel] Siblings, Spiders and Squirrels, oh my! Ch 2 - Doreen

[skychan]

I have to agree with Tim.

It has been quite some time, and it doesnt tie too closely back to the
other chapter.  However this is terribly cute.  I'm not sure quite how old
Doreen is supposed to been in this story at this point.  Either because of
the lag in chapters, or lack of identifying clues.  I would guess anywhere
from 14-16 but again its hard to say and you might benefit by adding a bit
more clarity there, maybe from the social worker along the lines of "if you
think I'll leave a X year old girl here then..."

The small touches are nice, space wheaties and unlimited credit/ 20,000
dollar suits.  I do hope to see a bit more of Captain America as he's
almost a ghost this chapter, but somehow I just like the idea of him being
a rolemodel.

If your going to continue with the squirrel girl nickname it might be nice
if one or another of the avengers asks for permission to call her that.
She's stated that she doesn't mind but still it has to be an emotionally
charged button at that age and reminder of her father.

I am amused but aprove of the attentino to detail in her diet as I would
have expected to see lots of greens listed but those were carefully avoided
as is appropriate a red squirrels regular diet.

All in all I think that you did a good job of the introduction to their
lives, the only weak part if you are going to imediately skip forward in
time after this chapter is that we don't get to see more pepper/tony
interaction with Doreen or get an idea of what kind of a teen she makes or
starts to become.

Those are things to keep in mind when spooling forward.

Kelly
Skywise,skychan
https://www.fanfiction.net/skywiseskychan/
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