[FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, ch. 12

[Andrew Dynon]

Thank you for your comments, they are much appreciated.  I'll continue to
work on doing better descriptions (as I've mentioned before, it's something
that doesn't come easy to me, although I don't consider that an excuse).

-----Original Message-----
From: ffml-bounces+adynon=internode.on.net at chez-vrolet.net
[mailto:ffml-bounces+adynon=internode.on.net at chez-vrolet.net] On Behalf Of
Arthur Hansen
Sent: Saturday, 10 November 2012 1:16 PM
To: The Fanfiction Mailing List
Subject: Re: [FFML] Mobile Suit Gundam Storm, ch. 12

All in all, I didn't really find anything that stuck out as not working.
Plot is definitely moving forward. Some of the scenes jumps were just a
little bit too much, but that could be a bit of a stylistic choice. Once
again, I want to mention that there are a few times that you could have
given a quick 'this is what this scenes is' other than just a ship name.

The high security gundam facility would have been a good place to describe
some of the support technology (ie. how robotic it is, how many people, were
they laid out on the floor or set more vertically, etc.)

_____________________________________
Arthur Hansen

Fan artist and author.
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL:
<http://www.chez-vrolet.net/pipermail/ffml/attachments/20121109/78a0aae8/att
achment.html>
         .-------Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List--------.
         |   Administrators - ffml-admins at chez-vrolet.net   |
         |   Unsubscribing - ffml-request at chez-vrolet.net   |
         |         Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject         |
         `----- FAQ http://chez-vrolet.net/ffml/faq.txt ----'