[FFML] Revised Path of the Warrior Chapter 1

[DB Sommer]

On 3/2/2012 1:44 AM, David Smith wrote:
> Ah, it's been such a long time.  Brings back good memories.
>
> Story's still pretty solid; just a few minor errors I noticed:
>
> > Drawing things out wasn’t Shampoo’s usual style, but her 
> great-grandmother had insisted she showcased her skills today.
>
> "showcased" should probably be "showcase".  Present tense is more 
> appropriate for that portion of the phrase.
>
> > That meant playing with her opponents rather than putting them with 
> her usual efficient style.
>
> Should be "putting them down"?  Though that's mildly ambiguous 
> phrasing (given that this is a Ranma story), it's most likely what was 
> intended.
>
> > But for Shampoo, casually endured the storm, then retaliated with 
> strikes to her opponent’s legs.
>
> Modifying phrase is incorrectly constructed.  Simple correction would be:
>
> "But Shampoo casually endured the storm, then retaliated with strikes 
> to her opponent’s legs."
>
> But that leaves it as an incomplete sentence.  May possibly want to 
> merge with the preceding sentence, or rearrange the word ordering.
>
> > But it could no longer be. Her great-grandmother had seen to that.
>
> I would probably use a semicolon here.

Most of those mistakes are the results of changing things in the 
revision, including a *lot* of tense changes. Thanks for picking them up

>
> -- 
> David
>
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