[FFML] [Haruhi] Outcast (part 3/3)

Thu Aug 30 13:15:07 PDT 2012

Hello,

On Thu, Aug 30, 2012 at 5:10 AM, Raye Johnsen <raye_j at yahoo.com> wrote:

> Thank you  for writing this fic.
>

It was more fun to write than I expected, as least as far as the research
angle went. :p

> I did think it was set in the Sixties, not the Seventies, so your fudging
> on the dates worked.  I only worked out it was 1978/79 by the mention and
> dating of the 'Tokushu Buraku Chimei Soukan'; I had thought that the
> payments the Japanese government started handing out in the Seventies to
> burakumin families would have paid for clothes, shoes and a colour TV, but
> then again, the Tadamichis were trying to hide their status, so it makes
> sense that they wouldn't have claimed theirs; and although there were cases
> of a 'known' burakumin family claiming shares for relatives and quietly
> passing the money along, I guess this wasn't one of them.  Apart from the
> use of that... (I really don't want to use the word 'book' for that
> *thing*) was there a reason for the story to be set in that time period?
>  Not that it detracts from the story, but in my experience,
> writers radically shifting the setting's time period like that only happens
> for a reason.
>

Mostly the reason for the setting change is because the prejudice was
stronger at the time.  Not to say it's entirely gone away today, but the
culture has taken huge strides toward overcoming it.  It's also a window of
time before the major programs to provide better educations to burakumin
had begun, but also familiar enough that it gave me a chance to (I hope)
keep the details of the altered setting from making the story from feeling
like too much of a straight up rehash of canon.

> I was expecting Haruhi to maintain contact but not to follow Kyon to his
> new school!  I was actually expecting her to look up his address and then
> come to see/confront him that weekend.  But then again, we are talking
> Haruhi here, who would never walk if she could sprint.  I'm surprised she
> actually gave Kyon a week to settle in!
>

I couldn't figure out a good point in this story to work it in, but I've
got a sequel planned where it can come up.  Haruhi kept that instant
picture that Kyon accidentally took of himself, and actually used that to
help track him down. :)

I'm somewhat confused by Asakura's behaviour in this.  If she were an alien
> and she learnt of Kyon's background, I can see her spreading the rumour to
> cause him to leave, or still meeting and trying to murder him anyway - but
> not to have the meeting and not do the murder attempt (that 'it would be
> rude not to inform you I've changed my mind' doesn't really make sense to
> me when she could simply leave another note on his desk or locker), and it
> does seem to be strongly implied that all the girls' statuses are as they
> are in canon.  And you do realise that you're f/e/e/d/i/n/g/ *giving
> evidence to* my Man Behind The Curtain theory on Kyon by having him meet
> Koizumi at Hikami, not Kitago, and well before Haruhi turns up, don't you?
>  Either there's a precog in the Esper Society or Kyon is more than the
> Everyman in this.

To the first part, I'm playing with things a bit and having Asakura play
off the 'proper' angle.  She's also being a bit cruel and just toying with
Kyon.  However, the major reason for her to tell Kyon she changed her mind
is actually for the reader's benefit, so they can see how that plays out
against the original plan.  While she could have left a note, it was her
last chance for onscreen interaction with the narrator, really, since even
though she was present in later scenes, she never actually talked to Kyon,
because....

For the second part, it could be seen as Kyoniism -- and in fact the roles
are changed, and Haruhi gives a somewhat defeatist Kyon a much-needed boost
of confidence and support.  I'm actually totally fine with
that interpretation.  It could also be seen as Koizumi's faction seeing
which way the wind blows early, and then determining to place the esper
with Kyon because they're confident Haruhi will follow.  Either could
actually work, and I kind of like the ambiguity.

> A technical criticism: I'm not familiar with the fan-translations but I do
> own the Tokyopop translations of the first two books, and since I have yet
> to see the variety of creative criticism leveled against their translator
> as I've seen against other Tokyopop translations, I'm going to assume
> they're considered decent translations and thus a reasonable bailiwick.
>  Using that reference, I feel you've captured novel-Kyon's narrative voice
> pretty well, but I miss all the scientific and literary allusions
> novel-Kyon makes.  Given this Kyon's circumstances and skill in History, I
> would have expected them to be replaced with historical allusions, and
> having them elided altogether is disappointing.  However, I'm not
> complaining too hard, as this Kyon's voice is perhaps a bit less sarcastic
> and fair bit more jaded, for obvious reasons, but I can hear the echoes of
> each in the other.
>

I haven't read the official translations yet.  I should probably get them.
>_>;

Kyon did slip on keeping historical references, and I should probably work
on that.  There were a few near the beginning, some of which were also
helpful for indicating the time-period (googling any of the dated
references would probably give it away entirely, but): Martin Luther King
Jr's (inexplicably copywritten) "I Have a Dream" speech, the reference to
the Dutch in Japan and Perry, the incident at Honno-Ji, and Kyon's distaste
for the official creation of the burakumin class at the beginning of the
Tokugawa Era.

There are probably a few more places where I can go back and make more
references without it being overboard -- I'll try and do that before
posting this to ff.net or my website.

> In short, I enjoyed it very much.  Thank you for sharing.
>

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you very much for the feedback. :)

> Raye
>
> raye_j at yahoo.com
> http://windtear.livejournal.com
> http://www.thejohnsens.com/index.html
>
>
> I believe in dragons, unicorns, good men
> and other mythical creatures.
>

-- 
Brian Randall
--
Yrne awaits those with the courage to seek it.
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, on my terrible
webpage:
http://www.soulriders.net/brian/
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