[FFML] [Haruhi] Outcast (part 3/3)

[Raye Johnsen]

Thank you  for writing this fic.

I have to say, you were right: it was a painful read.  I had worked out by the end of the first chapter that Kyon was probably burakumin, but I was hoping that it was some other, less stringently abused group, so the reveal was still a bit of a blow - in fact, I think it probably echoed what Kyon felt, in that it was something expected and dreaded but so hoped wouldn't happen.  So, effective writing!

I did think it was set in the Sixties, not the Seventies, so your fudging on the dates worked.  I only worked out it was 1978/79 by the mention and dating of the 'Tokushu Buraku Chimei Soukan'; I had thought that the payments the Japanese government started handing out in the Seventies to burakumin families would have paid for clothes, shoes and a colour TV, but then again, the Tadamichis were trying to hide their status, so it makes sense that they wouldn't have claimed theirs; and although there were cases of a 'known' burakumin family claiming shares for relatives and quietly passing the money along, I guess this wasn't one of them.  Apart from the use of that... (I really don't want to use the word 'book' for that *thing*) was there a reason for the story to be set in that time period?  Not that it detracts from the story, but in my experience, writers radically shifting the setting's time period like that only happens for a reason.

I was expecting Haruhi to maintain contact but not to follow Kyon to his new school!  I was actually expecting her to look up his address and then come to see/confront him that weekend.  But then again, we are talking Haruhi here, who would never walk if she could sprint.  I'm surprised she actually gave Kyon a week to settle in!

I'm somewhat confused by Asakura's behaviour in this.  If she were an alien and she learnt of Kyon's background, I can see her spreading the rumour to cause him to leave, or still meeting and trying to murder him anyway - but not to have the meeting and not do the murder attempt (that 'it would be rude not to inform you I've changed my mind' doesn't really make sense to me when she could simply leave another note on his desk or locker), and it does seem to be strongly implied that all the girls' statuses are as they are in canon.  And you do realise that you're f/e/e/d/i/n/g/ *giving evidence to* my Man Behind The Curtain theory on Kyon by having him meet Koizumi at Hikami, not Kitago, and well before Haruhi turns up, don't you?  Either there's a precog in the Esper Society or Kyon is more than the Everyman in this.

A technical criticism: I'm not familiar with the fan-translations but I do own the Tokyopop translations of the first two books, and since I have yet to see the variety of creative criticism leveled against their translator as I've seen against other Tokyopop translations, I'm going to assume they're considered decent translations and thus a reasonable bailiwick.  Using that reference, I feel you've captured novel-Kyon's narrative voice pretty well, but I miss all the scientific and literary allusions novel-Kyon makes.  Given this Kyon's circumstances and skill in History, I would have expected them to be replaced with historical allusions, and having them elided altogether is disappointing.  However, I'm not complaining too hard, as this Kyon's voice is perhaps a bit less sarcastic and fair bit more jaded, for obvious reasons, but I can hear the echoes of each in the other.

In short, I enjoyed it very much.  Thank you for sharing.

Raye
 
raye_j at yahoo.com
http://windtear.livejournal.com
http://www.thejohnsens.com/index.html


I believe in dragons, unicorns, good men
and other mythical creatures.
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