[FFML] [Ranma][Spamfic] A Name To Agree On

[Gary Kleppe]

Dedicated to my son on his sixth birthday. The characters used are the 
creation and property of Rumiko Takahashi.



"That's not the kind of name I want, old man!" Pantyhose Taro said, forcing 
Happosai's back against the wall to emphasize his point.

"Why not?" Happosai said, not cowed in the slightest. "I think 'Garter Belt 
Taro' is a fine name."

Pantyhose did his best to look menacing. "You better come up with something 
better, old man, or you're in for a world of pain!"

"Oh, all right." Happosai scratched his head. "I know! Bustier Taro. That 
would really give you a touch of class. Right, then, Bustier Taro it is."

Ranma, listening from across the room, smiled to himself and resisted the urge 
to chuckle.

Soun frowned. "I just hope they don't start fighting again and wreck any more 
of the house."

"Pantyhose Taro... Garter Belt Taro... Bustier Taro... do you notice anything 
*similar* about these names?" Pantyhose moved his face to where it was only an 
inch away from Happosai's. "DO YOU?"

"Oh, of course. How silly of me." Happosai slapped himself on the forehead. 
"No worries. I'd be more than happy to change your name to Pantyhose *Jiro,* 
or Garter Belt *Ichiro.*"

Pantyhose picked up a table lamp and beaned Happosai with it.

"Noooo!" Soun covered his eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I do have a certain standard," Happosai said. I'm not 
about to give you any old name. It has to be something with... character."\

Soun winced, wondering what they were going to break next.

"Tough situation," Nabiki said as she sat next to Ranma.

"But you've got the answer, right?" Ranma said. "For a modest fee?"

She nodded. "Thirty-five hundred yen. How about it, Mister Doesn't-Want-To-Be-
Named-Pantyhose?"

Pantyhose quickly rifled through his pockets. "I've got three hundred Chinese 
Yuan. That's it."

"No problem. I can get it exchanged."

He began to hand over the money, then pulled it back at the last moment. "Not 
until you deliver."

"All right, then." She went over to where Happosai lay in a crumpled heap on 
the floor. She wrote something on a post-it note and showed it to him.

"Eh?" Happosai said. "Isn't that an English name?"

Producing a Baldrick's of Hollywood lingere catalog, Nabiki flipped to a 
certain page. She showed it to Happosai, and his eyes bulged.

***

Down the dirt path, Stacey Zhang ran. Rocks and shrubs zoomed by. She gasped 
for breath. Her heart hammered in her chest. And she pushed her sore legs to 
run faster, only briefly glancing behind her to see that the wild boar was 
still chasing her, and gaining.

It had sounded so easy. Take a trip to western China, her boss had told her, 
to scout out possible new locations for an electonics assembly plant. He'd 
told her that some of the locals might not be all too welcoming, and she was 
prepared to take some heat from them. But this was ridiculous.

She rounded a bend, feeling that her legs were about to give out. Suddenly, a 
young man stepped out from the underbrush, directly into the path of the boar. 
"Huh?" she gasped. "Don't--"

The boar charged at the young man. But at the last moment, he stepped aside, 
and brought his leg under the boar's. The boar tripped, then rolled over, 
rolled over again, and landed on its backside. It picked itself up, and ran.

"How the hell did you-- Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, ma'am," the young man said. "I'm actually a martial arts master."

"You're a life-saver." Standing on wobbley knees, Stacey shook his hand. 
"What's your name?"

The man smiled proudly. "I'm Theodore Taro, ma'am. But you can call me Teddy."






Thanks to Scott Pollert for "Garter Belt Taro" (way back in 1998).