[FFML] [Fanfic][R1/2] Family Secrets - Chapter 1 & 2

[Ignacio Moreno]

Thanks for your comment.

After read it, I am thinking to change something in the next chapter.

Regards.

Kinai.

2011/5/26 <ambulatory.kettle at yahoo.com>

> Yes, this is many months late, but I figure that if I want to build good
> list-karma I should at least try to read and review a story now and again.
>  I
> know I'm a woefully inadequate responder.
>
> I won't do a blow-by-blow, as that's been done quite well already, but I'll
> try
> to add something constructive.  This story is a pretty drastic divergence
> from
> canon in tone, which I don't usually go for, but I'll set that aside in the
> interest of said constructiveness.
>
> I liked the implication that Ranma and Akane's sibling-hood is not entirely
> certain; I think you should introduce that uncertainty earlier in the
> text, perhaps in Nodoka's own private thoughts soon after the big reveal --
> like
> at the very beginning of Chapter 2, for instance.  The reason I say this is
> that
> initially it seems that their being siblings is unequivocal, and my
> reaction
> was, "Well, that's that."  Once you introduced the possibility that it
> MIGHT not
> be true, it goes from a foregone conclusion that's taken for granted to a
> lingering question that can be pursued, which increased the tension for me
> as a
> reader.  A struggle with the truth gains an extra dimension if there's also
> a
> struggle to find out what the truth really is.  Plus, it doesn't hurt to
> give
> your characters a glimmer of hope that you can either justify or cruelly
> dash to
> pieces as you see fit.
>
> Other than that, I don't have much to add that hasn't already been pointed
> out.
>  I am curious to see where you take this, as the story could go in any
> number of
> directions at this point.
>
> Cheers,
> Ambulatory Kettle
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