[FFML] [Fanfic][R1/2] Family Secrets - Chapter 1 & 2

[ambulatory.kettle at yahoo.com]

Yes, this is many months late, but I figure that if I want to build good 
list-karma I should at least try to read and review a story now and again.  I 
know I'm a woefully inadequate responder.

I won't do a blow-by-blow, as that's been done quite well already, but I'll try 
to add something constructive.  This story is a pretty drastic divergence from 
canon in tone, which I don't usually go for, but I'll set that aside in the 
interest of said constructiveness.

I liked the implication that Ranma and Akane's sibling-hood is not entirely 
certain; I think you should introduce that uncertainty earlier in the 
text, perhaps in Nodoka's own private thoughts soon after the big reveal -- like 
at the very beginning of Chapter 2, for instance.  The reason I say this is that 
initially it seems that their being siblings is unequivocal, and my reaction 
was, "Well, that's that."  Once you introduced the possibility that it MIGHT not 
be true, it goes from a foregone conclusion that's taken for granted to a 
lingering question that can be pursued, which increased the tension for me as a 
reader.  A struggle with the truth gains an extra dimension if there's also a 
struggle to find out what the truth really is.  Plus, it doesn't hurt to give 
your characters a glimmer of hope that you can either justify or cruelly dash to 
pieces as you see fit.

Other than that, I don't have much to add that hasn't already been pointed out. 
 I am curious to see where you take this, as the story could go in any number of 
directions at this point.

Cheers,
Ambulatory Kettle