[FFML] [SHnY][AU] At a Glance (2/2)

[Brian Randall]

On Wed, May 18, 2011 at 12:00 PM, Bert Miller <hkmiller at theeddy.com> wrote:
> Very nice story.  I plan a full C&C, but it may take some time.

Understandable.  Also, greatly appreciated. ;)

> On 5/18/2011 12:17 AM, The Wanderer wrote:
>>
>> On 05/17/2011 09:50 PM, Brian Randall wrote:
>>
>>> Author's notes: So there you have it. Been working on this one off-and-on
>>> for ... eh ... a few months. It's just a kind of an idle thought, and then
>>> grew into this, and ... here it is. Posted as a one-shot, because it kind of
>>> doesn't go further. ;3
>>
>> While on the one hand that's a shame, because I really liked it, I can
>> see how it's appropriate.

I've gotten a surprising number of requests to follow this up, actually.

> But without Kyon finding out about Haruhi, there really ISN'T any more
> story; every single further happening assumes Kyon knows.  (Or at least no
> more alt story; there could, I suppose, be a completely different story, but
> not really a Haruhi story.)

Hmm, it'd be kind of funny to readers who know to watch Kyon fumble
through Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody, totally oblivious to what he's actually
doing/done.

Other than that, you're exactly right (I feel); it'd just be random
WAFFy bits and that's about the extent of it....

I may give it a crack later, but it's not even in a real planning
stage at this point.

>> For myself, I noticed it over the "homework on a memory card" scene.
>
> Yes, Kyon's being blind was obvious very early on, I thought.  I'll try to
> pinpoint in my full C&C.

I tried not to shove it in the reader's face; no one hates like a
reader dealing with an author who thinks he's clever (but isn't).  I'm
not sure how well it worked ... but a story that was just a vehicle
for the 'did you guess he was blind?' bit feels like it falls flat.
At the same time, having Kyon explain his condition at the beginning
detracts from Haruhi's own backstory (given that it's effectively a
much grimmer take on her own story).

Probably could have been done better.

>> So, the canonical Haruhi "overstory" (as opposed to backstory) is still
>> present in this AU? I wasn't sure, based on the fic itself.
>
> That part was actually quite interesting.  This story can be read either
> way.  Granted, Ryouko's disappearance would be highly unusual in a
> conventional world, but it's within the bounds of possibility.  (After all,
> in canon, everyone else in class accepts it with just a few murmurs.)
>
> Since we readers can't completely understand this story without knowing SHnY
> canon, there is a meta-sense in which the canonical overstory is still
> "true", but no in-story evidence to verify it.

That makes it sound much more clever than when I try it. :p

I do like the take-it-or-leave-it approach, though.  It wasn't
intentionally, but I'll run with it anyway!

Thanks for the feedback so far; glad to see that this was at least read. :)

Then again, different viewpoints frequently reveal new information.  I
actually realized myself (after this was written), that the story is
surprisingly fanservice-ey.  Seriously!  Kyon gets to inadvertently
feel up all three female Brigade members AND gets a kiss from Ryouko!

Ah, anyway.  Again, thanks for the feedback, though; it is greatly
appreciated. :D

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.