[FFML] [Ranma/Various] Avenging Act 4 chapter 3

[DB Sommer]

As always, look forward to this:

On 5/2/2011 6:16 AM, Chester Castañeda wrote:
> t IV
>> The Hate Monger and the Peacemaker
>> Chapter 3
> I'll be honest. I was surprised at how short this one was; six pages
> on the word processor. Then I've come to realize that the previous
> piece I've C&Ced was not a teaser of some sort, but an actual chapter.
> :o Oh well, quality first before quantity...

% Yeah, this is the way they will be for a while, I'm afraid.

>> Ranma entered the Tendou family room, spying Nabiki. She sat next to the
>> table, casually watching television. After looking around for a while, he
>> finally consented to ask, "Where is everyone?"
> Suggest: consented -->  decided
>
> The word "consented", even in that context, implies a different
> meaning in my mind.

% Used most of the recommendations, as always.

> "Oh." That could be... bad. Left alone with him, Nabiki might not be 
> able to
>> keep her hands off him.
> LOL. Mister Paragon of Virtue still has some of Ranma "Paragon of
> Arrogance" Saotome's characteristics. On the other hand, the "Nabiki
> jumping Ranma's bones" cliche is taken matter-of-factly by quite a lot
> of fanfic authors out there... :)

% Except it is in his mind. She's mildly attracted to him.

> pining for him. At least he thought she might be. In any case, it was time
>> to put on the old union suit underneath his clothing and go.
> (blinks) Old union suit? So is he talking about some sort of Japanese Union...?

% Term for wearing an outfit

> Reo Mouri admired himself in the mirror one more time. Perfect. Not 
> that his
>> looks mattered all that much. Well, they did for people that just stared at
>> his posters and images, and he was bishonen gorgeous. But as to the people
> Suggest: as to -->  as for

% Kept you busy with the grammar corrections this time out

>> Anjou and Alison Blaire. "Well, well, if it isn't two of my comrades from
>> the Alice Academy. So nice to see you. I would have given you backstage
> I vaguely remember Alice Academy. I watched it at the local Animax
> from time to time back in '06. Funny, I don't remember an Alison
> Blaire... (Googles). Oooh. That's why. Dazzler from Eart-616. Riiight.

% This one might be happening a bit more, melding Marvel and Anime outright

> As a side note, the first result that comes up with "Alice Academy
> Alison Blaire" is this chapter, DB. :) Nice touch having Alice
> Academy's and Marvel's respective concert, uh, personalities together.
> :D

% heh

> Yes, it does," Alison said, a bit miffed at the sarcasm. "You'd be
>> surprised at the number of connections we've established among the elite and
>> powers that be with careful selection of Alice abilities working in concert
>> with their goals. And the term Alice is being used with increasing
>> frequency. True integration has begun."
> I sure hope they won't get into a debate on whether the term "Alice"
> and Mutant Powers" is more racist than the other. :P It'd only remind
> me of the people who purport the term "JRPG" is racist, so people
> should stick with "Console RPGs" and "PC RPGs".

% for backstory on this, Destiny/Irene Adler sensed Kang's manipulation 
of the time stream to something more potentially horrific for mutants 
than Days of Future Past, so she aligned herself with Xavier, convinced 
him of the necessity to change tactics (no X-Men in this universe), and 
meld mutants into society. Wisely they enlisted regular humans on even 
par with the staff. In this case they got advertiser Jordan Dixon/Viper 
(the first officially evil ad man in marvel), to sign on. He liked the 
challenge and decided not to become the Viper, partially because Destiny 
also foretold him that both he and his brother would die as super 
villains as well. he actually his doing a good job of helping with 
integration in the Alice Academy vein.

% Destiny is slated to pop up at least one more time. She dreams that 
'The Hounds are Dead. The Wolves are now Alive', in the next act as part 
of the fall out of this one



> Ranma: If they only stuck with the term "superpowers", then they won't
> have to debate about unfortunate implications and whatnot.

% Still a bit of 'mutant bias' here, but not as much.

>> Reo's response was to become playful. "You spoil all my fun."
> On an unrelated note, there sure are a lot of hypnotists and mind
> manipulators in Act 3.

% Oh yes, there are.

> nipulating their minds. And honestly, it's beneath you. You have a great
>> singing voice--"
> Scientifically speaking, maybe what Reo's doing is... legal?

% Mental manipulation by anyone is prohibited by law. It was mentioned 
in a chapter with mentallo. The problem is in proving it, though there 
are bonded telepaths that can be used as experts.


>   I mean,
> sure, he uses a voice pheromone power, but isn't the charisma of some
> artists attributable to some sort of x-factor they could manipulate as
> well? I mean, I understand Narumi's concerns, but you'd think Reo
> would bring that issue up to rationalize his abuse of his power, at
> the very least.
>
>> "--That will sell millions while my Alice will net me tens of millions," Reo
>> completed. "It's part of my natural abilities, I'll be damned if I don't use
>> them as so many of our fellow mutants do," he emphasized the words.
> Ah, there you go. Something like that.

% Yep. Actually xavier's students do it, but only under more legal and 
open guises.


> The figure jerked for a moment, as though stung by something. Then his
>> crimson eyes narrowed. "I see. You influence emotions through vocal control.
>> Unfortunately for you, the only emotion I feel is hate. Allow me to
>> demonstrate."
>>
>> The air was suddenly filled with an overpowering emotion.
> Ahhh...
>
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate-Monger
>
> Thank you, Wikipedia. Nice touch with Jack Kirby designing the
> Hate-Monger with a purple conical mask; very appropriate, although the
> "H" emblem was pushing it.
>
> Apocalypse: I AM APOCALYPSE! See? It's monogrammed on my belt!

% That was very popular back in the day

>
>> Now Akane teeth ground together, her heart raced, her fists clenched. She
> Revise: Akane teeth -->  Akane's teeth
>
> You're having some problems with possessives/typos this time around,
> DB. On the other hand, nice show, not tell in regards to Akane's
> growing anger, especially since your prose usually doesn't employ it
> that often.

% Thanks

>
>> arm, Ranma dated past the living room. "I'm out of here, Nabiki."
> Revise: Ranma dated -->  Ranma darted
>
> It looks like the narrative prose is having a Freudian slip in regards
> to the presence of the words "Ranma" and "Nabiki" in those two
> sentences. :P

% Heh

>> knock her out, it stunned her. He then knocked her feet out from under her
>> so she landed on her stomach. Landing on top of her, he pinned her arms
> Funny how a leg sweep rarely ever puts a fighter down on MMA... Ah,
> Reality is Unrealistic and Rule of Cool; you really make TV and Movies
> real cool to watch.

% Comics does not yield to the laws of physics or reality

>> from under her. Still she struggled like a hellion, shouting her urge to
>> murder, death, and kill him.
> Revise: Still she -->  Still, she
>
> Also: Her urge to "death" him? O_o

% Yeah. :)

>> A bolt of lightning pierced the heavens, crashing into Akane and triggering
>> her transformation into the Goddess of Thunder.
> Here's hoping the sardine-packed people around her weren't
> electrocuted to stun-gun proportions at best and defibrillator levels
> at worse. :)

% They never are. Thor's changing lightning never harms anyone.

>> "What wonderment is this?" Thor said, freed of the psychotic fury that had
>> been inhabiting her mortal form.
> I'm sorry, I can't help but remember this skit with the mention of a
> feminine Thor. :D
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujPGX9QIQ_w

% Heh

>
>> "I say thee nay!" She tapped her hammer twice into the ground. Instantly,
>> the heavens poured forth a torrential downpour that was testament that even
>> the gods wept.
> Again, nice touch with the prose adjusting in accordance to the
> musings of the character it's narrating about.

% Thanks again.

> The strobe light flash stimulated the visual centers of the brain, causing
>> all who witnessed it to enter a trance-like state which calmed them, making
>> them stare like zombies at the stage.
> Suggest: calmed them -->  calmed them down
>
> Disco Party Time! Watch out for seizures.

% Luckily she produces the opposite effect.

>
> have been staggering.
> Even if they weren't in a murderous frenzy, the stampede would have
> killed quite a lot of people.

% There wasn't an actual stampede. People went after those next to them, 
though it was still a mess and there were deaths

>> He turned away. Oh well. In any case, this had been but one move in the
>> campaign, not an end gambit. Oh no, he had much better, more effective ideas
>> in mind toward that end. Many more indeed.
> As a side note: LOL, Charles Manson's own personal superhero.
>
> Is this Hate-Monger Adolf Hitler like in the original story?

% All shall be revelaed in time.


>   On the
> other hand, the amalgamation of Nazi and KKK images into a single
> supervillain is comical to me;

% Originally HM/Adolf was simply interested in spreading hate, rather 
than outright Nazism. It was a tool for him.


>   reminds me of the Simpson's McBain and
> his crusade against "Commie Nazis".

% heh

>
>
>> Nabiki was in a normal rage as she said, "Where do you get off pinning me
>> to..." she trailed off, staring as his chest.
>>
>> It was then he looked down and saw the familiar red sun on his chest through
>> the tear in his shirt. He looked at her, panicked, "I can explain--"
>>
>> "You're Captain Japan!"
> Dun-dun-DUUUUUUUUN!
>
> Well played, DB. I didn't expect _that_.

% One of the actual major events in the lives of Ranma cast here

> Anyway, your gigantic, multi-series crossover has gotten to the same
> point as many other multi-series crossovers of the past had done
> (surprise, surprise); Fanfic Chop Suey
> (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FanficChopSuey). Yeah, I'm
> aware that you "fuse" or otherwise replace heroes with their anime
> counterparts fairly well, organically meshing them together, but I'd
> be lying if I said that I haven't found you somewhat following this
> pattern:
>
> 1. I like Fandom A.
>
> 2. I also like Fandom B, Song C, Subculture D, Sexual Practice E,
> Religion F, Political Stance G, and/or Literary/Artistic Style H.
>
> 3. Therefore, Fandom A will go together well with any one or more of Items B-H.
>
> On the other hand, I find chop suey delicious. :P Also, it's not
> necessarily a bad thing, except for those of us who haven't watched
> some of the series featured and don't want to bother Googling each and
> every last reference. Yes, keeping up with references can be a pain in
> the butt, especially relatively obscure references dating back to the
> time of Jack Kirby, but I guess for some, that's half the fun of
> reading Avenging. ^_^

% I try to keep the Handbook handy on ff.net. And when you consider 
comics actually go through this wide an assortment of villains, it's not 
that bad. The problem is the years between the release of chapters that 
atrophy the mind. Kaori and the Saeba came up a lot in the early days 
back in 2000. By now people have forgotten them. There will be more  new 
bad guys in this chapter, as well as some old ones. For instance, I'm 
almost certianly going to use the female members of the Serpent Society, 
as well as some new chicks in one arc.

% And yes, obscure villains have been a favorite of mine as well.

% Thanks for the C+C, as always