[FFML] [Naruto] Dead Garden - Chapter One: Rules

[Aaron Nowack]

On 6/11/2011 1:41 AM, O David Morgan wrote:
> Aaron Nowack wrote:
> 
>> As always, I desperately desire any and all C&C.
> 
> Oh, why not; the list has been quiet enough I don't mind de-lurking a 
> little.
> 
> [Hi, everyone.]

Hello!

>> attending classes, she had poured over the textbooks her father had
> 
> Er, that's "pored".

Argh.  Thanks for catching that, and the other typos below.

>>          Sakura gave a longing glance several rows toward the front of
>> the classroom, where the two rivals for the title of top kunoichi - Ino
>> and Ami - were feuding over who would take the prized seat next to
>> Uchiha Sasuke.
> 
> Hmm, which one is Ami again? Or was she not in canon?

She shows up in one flashback as a girl who bullies Sakura until Ino
steps in.  (In this timeline, Ino clearly doesn't step in, at least not
on Sakura's side.)

>> The object of their attentions kept up his facade of stoic
>> indifference, but Sakura imagined that underneath that was a
>> boiling cauldron of passion, just waiting for the right woman to
>> unlock it.
> 
> -blinks- -laughs-
> That could end very badly.

Too many AUs/divergences/whatever will take any excuse possible to
eliminate Sakura's crush on Sasuke.  (From glancing at summaries, even
half the ones that are Sasuke/Sakura-pairing focused do!)  I figured I
might as well break that "rule"!

>>          "Absolutely not," her father had told her.  "That... that boy
>> and his mother, are the reason your mother is dead.  What the Uzumaki
>> have done to us, done to you, can never be forgiven!"
> 
> (And since I'm not current on the manga, I don't know what happened to 
> either of Sakura's parents in canon, and I don't know how important of 
> a reveal this may be.)

To the best of my knowledge, Sakura's parents are total non-entities in
canon, beyond the implication that they're both alive and one scene
where Sakura's mom is an off-screen voice.

>>          The scarred teacher gave Sakura a look she still couldn't
>> interpret, even though it remained clear in her memories.  "These... men
>> and women, have a complaint for the teaching staff, Mizuki-sensei.
> 
> I always forget about Mizuki...

Given that he's the first villain, I always thought it was kind of odd
that he only ever gets mentioned again in one filler arc.

>> Sakura hadn't known to call what she felt killing intent yet.
> 
> Not sure if that's worded awkwardly or if I just need food, but it 
> took me a couple re-reads to make sense of that. Mebbe "Sakura hadn't 
> yet known..." ?

Good call.

>> even if there were only two people she could call precious in the
>> world.
> 
> Who's the second? Sasuke?

Mizuki and her father.

>>          Sakura was not a slow thinker, and her mind made the connection
>> it hadn't been able to make before.  "I'm the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox,"
>> she said tonelessly, as her world crashed to pieces around her.
> 
> OK, so I accidentally 'cheated' and read the end-notes before I got 
> here... but still. There are enough changes I want to see where you're 
> going with this--including how Naruto is affected, since you've 
> essentially rewritten his entire character with that :)

It's going to be tricky to balance, keeping him recognizably Naruto
while taking into account the drastically different childhood.  It's
generally one of the hardest parts to get right of any "alternate Kyuubi
host" AU, I think.

>>          Mizuki standing behind him and holding another shuriken,
>> snorted.  "Remedial ninjutsu lesson," he said quietly, fury in his
>> voice.  "Shadow replications keep going when the original is
>> unconscious.  Idiot."  The second shuriken came down and took Tsurugi in
>> the neck.
> 
> I honestly don't remember that bit, myself, so thanks for the note.

I'm not sure whether there's anything canonical on the matter.  But it
makes sense to me.

>> 2) Unlike my other current story, One Hundred Weeks, Dead Garden is
>> based on something approximating current canon.  I won't rule out minor
>> AU elements to make a better story (depending on your interpretation,
>> I've already introduced a few) and don't promise any sort of compliance
>> with future canon revelations.
> 
> That's fine, since the anime is lagging pretty far behind the manga, 
> and the anime is the 'canon' I'm following. (Though I don't count the 
>   filler as canon, which may complicate things.)

Just a spoiler warning: there's some major revelations about Kushina in
the manga which are very important to this story, and I don't believe
the anime has revealed yet.  Based on your comments, it doesn't look
like you've spoiled yourself on that yet.

> Still, I will be looking forward to more of this one when you get to it :)

Thanks for reading and commenting!

	Aaron Nowack