[FFML] [SHnY] The Pillar of Haruhi Suzumiya

[Henry Cobb]

Dripping along with this.

At the cafe everybody seemed glued to a television report. The three girls
sat on the bench facing the television, so I only caught a few glimpses. It
was something about three warriors who wore armor and fought
monsters. There were two women, in red and green, and a boy in blue. At the
time I supposed it must be some new movie.

When I got home I saw that my sister was sitting too close to the
television again.

She turned and sprang at me like a hungry tiger. "Kyon! Kyon! They're
here!"

"Who?"

"The magical girls!"

"Oh, is there a new movie you want to see?"

"No, they're here in Nishinomiya!"

"There's some sort of live event, that you need me to take you to?"

"No, they're fighting monsters in Nishinomiya!"

"Some sort of stage event?"

"No, it's real!" She dragged me to the sofa, then rapidly flipped through
the channels. They were all covering the story about how the three figures
in armor had suddenly appeared around noon to defeat monsters, and had just
as suddenly disappeared. At closer examination, it seemed that the shorter
one of the three did have subtle girl curves under her blue armor.

"Don't get your hopes up, squirt. There's no such thing as magical
girls. And look at the fire the red girl casts. That's obviously special
effects. Real fires don't work like that."

As I settled down in my room to do my homework, I allowed my mind to wander
for a bit. Could Haruhi and her two friends have done this for a part time
job? Not a chance. They would have known about it long in advance. Or maybe
they had, and just used me to setup an alibi? No wonder they'd had all
turned at the same moment. Well, why didn't they just excuse themselves to
use the restroom then?

The Sunday newspaper devoted the front page to the heroics of the magical
girls and about the lives they had saved. There were two victims who had
been killed before the magical girls had arrived. It seemed that this hoax
had gone very badly. No wonder nobody had claimed any credit for it.

Before classes on Monday morning the entire school was buzzing about these
magical girls. Two of the girls in our class related how they had been out
shopping when the attack started and how the girl in red armor had saved
them.

Besides myself, only two students in our weren't swept up in the
excitement. Miss Asakura was sitting with a worried look on her face and
Haruhi simply took her seat as usual.

I turned around. "Haruhi, do you suppose these magical girls are the espers
you were looking for?"

"Oh please, it's an obvious hoax. Aren't we all a little too old to believe
in magical girls?"

After classes we met in the clubroom again, bringing the books we had each
checked out from the library. The girls settled down to read through
these. Each would occasionally make strange comments that the other two
would nod in agreement with. This was a group I just was not fitting in
with. I paced a few times in the room then looked over Miss Nagato's
shoulder. "Say, isn't that the same style of armor that those magical girls
used?"

"Kyon, get some water and make some tea."

"Sorry, Haruhi. We have no teapot or tea powder here."

"Then go down to the vending machines and get us each a cup of tea. Mikuru,
give Kyon enough money so he can pick up an electric teapot tonight on the
way home."

"Are you going to make me wear a butler's uniform as well?"

"Aren't we all a little too old to be playing dress up?"

Misses Nagato and Asahina looked up at this and I swear they almost giggled
at the joke.

-HJC