[FFML] [SYnY] [Lovecraft] The Shadow over Nishinomiya, chapter four

[Michael Clark]

> On the way to school, I tried to take my little sister's hand, but she
> took my offered hand and put it in Yuki's, before taking Yuki's other
> hand in hers.

While the sequence of actions here comes across well enough, I can't
help but feel like this is a bit clunky.  The repetition of "hand" makes
it read strange to me, but I admit there may be no other way to get
what's happening to make sense without that repetition.

> Taniguchi turned to me. "Stay out of this[,] Kyon."

Comma suggested.


I like Yuki's backstory here, but I felt it was a bit weak to have
Kyon's sister go into the "Deep One" vs. "kappa" distinction when Yuki
had just finished doing that.  Aside from making it clear that his
sister knows what Yuki is, it feels like we're just hearing what we
already know again.

-Michael Clark