[FFML] [SHnY] The Coin - Prologue

[Chaeotica]

Wow, it's been a while since I offered any C&C.  Maybe I should do it more
often...

"The Coin" Version 2
I won't speak about characterization - I'll be the first to admit that
pretty much all I know about the Haruhi series comes from the FFML - save to
say that this version's Haruhi is a fair bit more likable than the one from
the original prologue.

Aside from that... I liked this story.  It's got promise, it's interesting,
and it's well written.  There weren't any grammatical or phrasing errors
that jumped out at me on my first read, nor were there any misspellings
severe enough to drop me out of the narrative and make me take notice.

The only things that I'm wondering about:
"Koizumi-kun eyed the other, the hundred-."  Why the dash there?
I noticed that you're using underscores as emphasis.  Most of the places you
do make sense, but why did you underscore pachinko?

Other than that, I just want to say: Keep it up!  I'm very interested in
seeing where this story goes.

~Chaeotica
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