[FFML] [SHnY] The Coin - Prologue

[Henry Cobb]

On Mon, Jul 18, 2011 at 3:55 PM, Michael Clark <eta.bootis at gmail.com> wrote:
> It was near the end of spring term my second year that they wheeled it
> onto the school grounds.  Two men in blue uniforms with a handtruck
> installed it beneath the overhead walkway.

I can imagine one or two commas added to the above, but then I can
imagine all sorts of things.

> The one the men installed was typical.  It was boring.  It just had cans
> of soda.  You can get soda anywhere!  They should've brought something
> interesting like a panty machine.  Or they could've filled it with
> liquor.
>
> "Please, this is a school!" said that stuffy person I know.  "Think for
> a minute before you say something, will you?"

You are using the technique from the source of paraphrasing rather
than quoting the narrator?

> We only managed one good applicant--a cute,
> perfect little first-year girl, except she wasn't really a first-year
> girl at all!  She was in middle school of all things!  At first I
> thought that was terrible, but then I realized it:  she could start a
> chapter of the SOS Brigade in her middle school.  That would work,
> right?  I'd have thought so, but it didn't.  I went to find her, but she
> just disappeared!  Like she never existed, like she went to "Canada"
> with the old class rep, never to return.

At least you don't have her thinking about that name. Or all the
things she swiped from herself.

> "I see you haven't heard of me," I said.  "That's all right.  You're
> forgiven for now."  I grabbed one of them by the wrist and tilted his
> soda can toward me.  "Give me another fifty yen, and I won't tell the
> student council how you spilled your drink all over me to peek through
> my shirt."

That seems a bit off for her.

> Damn kids.  "I'll get you both!" I said, letting them go.  "The wrath of
> the SOS Brigade will follow you, and your children, and your children's
> children and their little doggies, too!  Fifty yen builds quickly with
> interest!"

Oz?

I always assumed it would be more like:

Kyon has a dream where he encounters Mikuru as a bunny with a watch,
Yuki as a cat, Itsuki wears a hat, and Haruhi holds all the cards.
(Under her reign of terror, nach.)

> They peeled down their eyelids and stuck out their tongues, and I admit,
> I wasn't so mature yet that I didn't do the same.

I try to avoid double negatives.

> "Let me guess," said the one with my lunch, "the coins are models aliens
> will use for their flying saucers.  By the power of pocket change, they
> will descend on planet Earth and announce that they come in fifty-yen
> pieces, right?"

How does he see so well from so far?

-HJC