[FFML] [SHnY] Pick Your Battles

[Brian Randall]

On Thu, Jul 14, 2011 at 9:13 PM, Michael Clark <eta.bootis at gmail.com> wrote:
>>     "If you're trying to say that even though she never apologized,
>>     she paid attention to what I said, I get that," I aknowledge.
>
> Acknowledge.

I totally forgot to spellcheck....  Thanks for that. >_>;;

>>     The pair fall into step behind me, Koizumi's footsteps nearly
>>     silent[,] and Nagato's absolutely so.  After half a block, Koizumi
>>     pulls even with me, sighing.  "If you are truly unaware, then I
>>     have to explain that Suzumiya-san's current behaviors are a result
>>     of your actions," he tells me in warning.
>>
> I suggest killing the bracketed comma, though I think I understand your
> reasons for having it there.

Right.

> The only other minor nitpick is that I'd thought Haruhi referred to
> Nagato exclusively as Yuki (i.e., plainly, with no honorific suffix).  I
> noticed right away when she started addressing Koizumi by his first
> name.  That was good.

I ... really need to re-read the novels.  I've been writing too much,
and reading too much bad Haruhi fanfiction.

Haruhi's address of Yuki is easy to fix -- sorry about that.

> On the whole, I find the concept of this story intriguing.  There's
> definitely an aspect of coercion, however unintentional, when one
> considers a romance between Haruhi and Kyon, and I think I feel the same
> as you that Kyon would rebel against being pressured.  I think I agree
> with his goals as stated in this piece, but I'm not sure I like his
> methods.  I dare say for the first three-quarters of the piece I felt
> Kyon was being excessively antagonistic, and in light of the conclusion
> it only feels like he was doing that in a calculated way.  Perhaps this
> was the intended reaction after all.  I'm not sure I fully accept it
> being in his character to plot something from the getgo or, conversely,
> to act so hostilly toward Haruhi without commensurate provocation.  Then
> again, perhaps Haruhi's roundabout methods are in themselves
> provocation, but I don't really feel that way.

Unintentionally I most likely put a bit too much of a 'Take That' to
fanon in this one.  If the structure is okay, but the tone is off,
then I will need to address that in the future.

> It also struck me as a bit odd that Kyon would complain repatedly about
> Haruhi's insults toward him, as if he were keeping a running tally.  By
> this point, they've known each other for over a year.  I can't see him
> being really that bothered by how she is unless that's also part of an
> effort to manipulate.  To an extent, I know I've thought sometimes that
> we as fans would have a more encyclopedic knowledge of words and
> dialogue than the characters themselves would, but maybe that's neither
> here nor there.

I may have played that off wrong ... it was more to show that Kyon can
handle the jibes from a friend, but that kind of one-sided thing
doesn't make for a really ... romantic foundation.

> Like I said, I think the conclusion is spot-on:  it's a very plausible
> way for Kyon to extricate himself from an implicitly coercive situation
> and still be there for Haruhi in a way he's comfortable.  It's just that
> everything that leads to it is... unsettling, at least to me.  I wish I
> felt differently, as I must wonder if my attitude toward the feeling of
> things has kept me from looking more closely at other aspects.  I hope
> this is helpful, regardless.

This was kind of rushed (and on my part, really reactionary to a lot
of the Haruhi fics I've been reading lately), so I probably need to
revisit this later and see what I can do to address those concerns.  I
don't want it to be unsettling, though, so that's something I will
have to address.

Thank you for the response, and I'm glad that the underlying premise,
at least, seemed to work! :)

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-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.