[FFML] [SHnY] Pick Your Battles

[Brian Randall]

Another little experimental something.


     Picking Your Battles

     A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction

     by Brian Randall

     Disclaimer: The series begun with the light novel 'The Melancholy
of Suzumiya Haruhi'/'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yutsuu' is the creation of
Nagaru Tanigawa.  No disrespect is intended with the creation of this
work.

     Note: May contain spoilers up through book nine.  Set in the
second year, but without any of the book nine (or later) events.  The
ending half of the first scene was heavily inspired by a (non-H,
thanks) doujin ... but I'm going a different direction with that
scene.

     This is a minor deconstruction with the goal of showing that you
can deconstruct without needing to be depressing.  Let's see if it
works.
     -------------------------------------------

     After an underwhelming turnout of potential recruits, it had been
determined that not _one_ was suitable to join the SOS Brigade -- as
per the judgements of its leader, Suzumiya Haruhi.  What followed was
a difficult month for her loyal crew as she tested their fitness to
remain in the club, and after that, more stressful times, until,
nearing the end of May, she had finally calmed down into something
approaching a reasonable behavior.

     My wallet certainly appreciates her calming down -- I
traditionally get the unwelcome 'penalty' of paying for everyone's
meals at events....  I can't actually remember the point I realized
that she would use any excuse to have the penalty assigned to me --
doubly if I bothered to put effort into things and tried to avoid it.

     So, I had stopped, which prompted another one of those
interesting discussions from Koizumi.

     Yes, I'm very glad that Haruhi is finally calming down ...
between her and Koizumi, even I do have my limits.

     But instead of hoping to slink into the clubroom and enjoy the
day without Haruhi's irritation being heaped upon us, I am accosted by
my second least favorite esper.

     "It's good to see you today, Kyon-kun," he says brightly, falling
into step beside me with an aura that I feel utterly cripples my
chances at romance with girls in this school ... not that I had any
hope left for that, anyway.

     "Too close," I reply.

     He eases back half a centimeter.  "I believe we should talk about
Suzumiya-san," he answers with the same cheerfulness, his voice low.
"Now ... I know that we've spent much time over the last few months
talking around a point without truly adressing it.  Let us say that
I'm leery of pushing an issue, because I would like to think that we
embrace the spirit of cooperation and work together!  After all, our
goals are similarly aligned, right?"

     "What nonsense are you going to say now?" I wonder.

     He chuckles, as though I told him a particularly good joke.
"Now, now ... let's be reasonable.  Surely you've come to realize that
there's a reason I haven't been particularly concerned about
Suzumiya-san's moods lately?"

     I glance across the empty hallway and answer, "I really see that
as your responsibility, except for those few instances where it
mysteriously falls to me -- the token 'regular' member of our mad
leader's club."

     I'm rewarded with the merest instant of Koizumi looking flustered
before he shakes his head and places a hand on my shoulder, stopping
me in my tracks.  I actually do try, for a moment, to tear myself free
of his grip, but he's got training from that Organization -- and he's
always been stronger than me anyway.

     So, his fingers dig in, and without any visible show of effort,
I'm halted -- unless I want to _really_ strain myself.  "Apologies,"
Koizumi says slowly, "but ... if you have not noticed, this may be one
of those times."

     "So, what's she stressed about now?" I sigh.  "I thought she was
getting _over_ the whole 'no good recruits' thing."  Seriously, isn't
she growing up yet?

     "Do you truly...."  He trails off with a sigh of his own and
gives me a wary smile.  "To explain it most simply, I belive that
Suzumiya-san is not truly that upset about her 'failure' because she
has chosen to direct her energies elsehwere.  In other words, truly,
she is seeking to admit just one person into a much more exclusive
membership than merely the Brigade."

     Whatever the hell he thinks that's supposed to mean to me.
"That's great -- now either ask me out, or let go of my shoulder," I
reply.

     His fingers leave my shoulder as though I were an RPG summoner,
and had replaced myself with a magma golem.

     "Let's cut to the chase -- what do you want me to do?" I ask,
crossing my arms over my chest.  "If she's choosing someone from
within the Brigade, then there's no way it can concern me.  Or she'll
assign it to me anyway, in which case, I don't understand what you're
suggesting with 'searching'."

     Koizumi looks -- very briefly -- displeased.  "Suzumiya-san may
be in a rare good, but also delicate, mood," he warns me.  "Perhaps if
you just try not to upset that...?" he suggests.

     "Koizumi, you get good grades, right?" I wonder.

     He blinks, but offers a wordless nod in answer.

     "So, can you explain why you had to say all of that other stuff,
when you could have just said, 'Hey, Kyon, I know you complain that
I'm really bad at talking, but here's the critical information: don't
piss Haruhi off today, she's moody'?" I ask.

     He sighs at that, shaking his head, his smile unchanging.  "I've
said enough, I think," he decides.  "You know me...."

     "That's for sure," I agree.  No one else on Earth can talk as
much while saying so little.

     After that, we walk to the clubroom in silence.

     When the door opens, I wait for Koizumi to step through first,
but he gives a bright smile and a shake of his head, gesturing me
through first.

     Shrugging, I step inside, glancing around warily for some trap.
There's the lovely Asahina-san by the tea-set -- in regular uniform,
so I suppose she's washing the maid costume-- our almost completely
mute Nagato is in her usual chair, flipping through a book.  And of
course, behind the computer, her face lighting up as though she were
waiting for Koizumi to arrive, is our illustrious Brigade chief.

     "Excellent!" she declares on seeing me and Koizumi enter, after a
pause adding, "Even if you are late, Kyon."

     I nod absently at that, confident that it's not a big deal, and
take my normal seat at the table.  Wait ... how am I late, and
Koizumi's not, if he stepped into the room after me....

     ...oh, whatever.

     Just another arbitrary Haruhiism.

     "I've been going over our member reviews," Haruhi muses suddenly,
once Koizumi closes the door.  "We did have time, after all,
since...."  She trails off and shrugs, uncrossing her legs from where
she had curled them beneath her and setting her feet on the floor
properly.  "To begin!  Koizumi-kun, I'm glad to say you did quite
well."

     "Delighted to hear it," he says, nodding.

     "Yuki-chan, you did the next best," Haruhi continues, giving the
short girl a warm nod.

     Nagato looks up from her book for a moment, but says nothing.

     "And of course, Mikuru-chan ... you would be in third, but your
ability to perform your moe duties gives you a bonus -- so you're
actually tied with Yuki-chan!"

     Of course....

     While Haruhi prepares her rant about my uselesness, I
pre-emptively tune her out, going for my math homework.

     It's not until I've gotten my book and assignment out that I
realize the entire room is silent.  I look up from the book and scan
across everyone -- Koizumi's looking at me with an expression that
suggests I'm not properly respecting the award I'm getting.
Asahina-san looks uncertain and nervous, fidgeting with the hem of her
skirt.  Nagato turns to the next page in her book without looking up.

     For some reason, Haruhi's giving me a strange look.  Did I miss
the entire thing?  It hasn't even been a minute -- that's too short a
diatribe, for her.  Then Koizumi's warning reaches me, and I wonder
... is this too far?  Is she going to be upset over me working on my
homework in the club room?

     "What?" I finally ask, when everyone (except for Nagato) staring
at me gets old.

     "Aren't you going to ask about your performance?" Haruhi presses,
faint, but mild annoyance in her voice.

     "I--"  I cut myself off from saying that I really couldn't care
less.  "I didn't think today was review day," I say instead, offering
a weak shrug.  Really, I had hoped that Koizumi's suggestion wouldn't
work out into, 'Let Haruhi complain about you at length'.  It's a
hobby she enjoys -- or at least is very skilled at, considering how
often she does it -- but I don't share her passion.

     Haruhi drums her fingertips on the desk before her, lips pursing.
 "Alright," she decides suddenly.  "Koizumi-kun, Mikuru-chan,
Yuki-chan -- I need to talk to Kyon.  You can all go."

     If they're surprised, only Asahina-san shows it.  Haruhi watches
Asahina-san and Koizumi leave, then sighs, and turns her attention to
me, eyes narrowing slightly.

     I had hoped that Haruhi's energy was subsiding, not waiting to be
spent in one last burst directed at me.

     "Alright, Kyon," she says, her tone not quite as angry as I had
expected, once we're alone....  Or, are we?

     I'm positive I didn't see Nagato _leave_, even though I can't see
her now....

     I look at Haruhi expectantly.

     She rises from her desk and paces back and forth across the
window to the clubroom, obviously steeling herself, or working up to
something.  "You've got a poor attitude already," she sighs, shaking
her head, stopping in the center of the window and turning her back to
me, crossing her arms beneath her chest.

     I almost don't bite back a retort at that.  I reduce it to a
small sigh, but she doesn't seem to catch it.

     "Can you guess what your review said?" she wonders.

     "Lazy, stupid, perverted," I answer without hesitation.  "You
call me those all the time.  And let's see ... beligerent,
insubordinate, useless...."  I trail off there.  If I give her the
full list, she'll just invent something else to get the last word in.
"Mostly a lot of things about me being uninformed and lacking
initiative."

     I look up at the end, and for some reason, her head is down, as
though she were cringing from a blow.

     "You remember those things?" she asks me quietly.

     I roll my eyes at her back.  "Yeah, I remember; every word you
say is deadly serious and you never lie, right?" I sigh.

     "Right!" she declares, raising her head, still facing away.  "Um
... so ... I've been thinking about this, and I've come to a
conclusion!"

     Oh, that's just _great_, Haruhi.

     "You've never confessed, or had someone confess to you.  You're
so hopeless in these matters that you have no clue!"  Giving a
decisive nod, she places her hands on her hips and spins to face me,
grinning.

     ...what?

     "So!" she adds brightly.  "Because you know I'll give anyone a
chance, this once, I will allow even _you_ to confess to me.  There's
no reason to hesitate or be afraid; you know I won't say no!"  Then
she turns and stares at me directly, her gaze spearing straight into
me and....

     ...and I have limits, so I sigh, covering my eyes with one hand.

     "You want me to confess to you?" I wonder.

     "Yeah!" she says.  "Well....  I mean, I'm saying I'll allow it!"
she quickly clarifies.

     ...thanks for the warning anyway, Koizumi.

     "You really want...."  I trail off there, uncovering my eyes to
see her staring at me expectantly, maybe even apprehensively.  "No....
 No, I can't--"  I cut myself off as she looks alarmed and break
eye-contact before I really lose my temper.  "I realize I make an easy
target, Suzumiya-san, but can't you pretend, at least a little bit,
that I was more than just someone to get penalty money out of and use
for practical jokes?  Worse, did you really expect for me to fall for
this after how you treat me constantly?

     "You call me a pervert, lose your temper when I so much as dare
to so much as _smile_ at Asahina-san--  The way you reacted when that
note, with Nagato, which I didn't even write--"  I cut myself off
again, realizing my heartrate is increasing, I can feel the anger I
almost never aknowledge bubbling up in the corner of my mind, and I
clamp down on it quickly.  Koizumi said not to ruin Haruhi's good
mood, but even I have limits.  "This is too cruel -- even for you.
I'm sorry, but I don't have the stomach for it today."  Done saying my
piece, and still not trusting myself to look at her right now, I shove
my books into my bag and leave the clubroom.

     I pause in the doorway, not looking back, but restraining myself
from ending it like this.  "I'm sorry ... and I'm sure you had a very
clever prank planned.  If it's not too much to ask, maybe you could
find a way to make fun of me so that when it's done, I can laugh, too?
 After everything is said and done, I'd like to think that as much as
you belittle me, we're actually at least _friends_....  That the time
and effort I put into this Brigade meant ... anything at all, really."

     "K...Kyon," she chokes out, and I've never heard her struggle so much....

     So, at least here and now, she can try and restrain her temper?
She's regretful instead of furious that I'm not cooperating with her
bad joke?  It's rare for me to see her doing something that's actually
thoughtful, so if she's experiencing remorse for that ... then I have
to do the right thing and encourage her.

     My right hand rises and assumes a shape I wish hadn't become so
comfortingly familiar to me; right thumb on right temple, right middle
finger hooked across the bridge of my nose.  "Haruhi ... I'm sorry I'm
such a disappointment to you in the Brigade.  I just think there's a
more constructive way to address it.  So ... let's try and talk about
it tomorrow, alright?"

     "Y...yeah," she says, surprisingly shakily.  "Okay...."

     I don't even want to know what prank she had planned, now....

     ***

     The next day, I run into Koizumi at the train station at the
bottom of the hill, looking anxious.

     "So," he says, not even bothering to greet me as he falls into
step at my side, "what happened?"

     "I talked Haruhi out of going through with whatever stupid prank
started with her making me confess to her," I say flatly.

     Koizumi's eternal smile fades into a mere shadow of its previous self.

     "I'm not going to listen to you if you want to tell me that I
should have played along with her childishness," I add.

     "Rather ... instead," Koizumi says slowly, seemingly slightly
shaken, "I should say ... I don't believe she was playing a prank on
you?"

     I sigh and shake my head.  "I'm not in the mood," I warn him,
before picking up the pace, moving too quickly for him to have an easy
conversation with.  Then I don't feel like talking to Koizumi for the
rest of the day.  While he's still troubled, he can't pester me
without undue attention.

     Knowing that Haruhi's right behind me, and having a slightly
better idea of what's going on, I spend the entire day not learning a
thing, and trying not to be annoyed that my 'romantic' inexperience is
such a joke.

     With those thoughts on my mind, when we're in the clubroom again,
things feel strangely, falsely subdued.  Haruhi doesn't look that
bothered about her prank falling apart, instead she looks determined
and thoughtful.

     It seems to be a calm, mellow day.  Koizumi is contemplating a
chess game with himself as both players, since I don't feel like
playing with him at the moment.  I grab my own book, garnering a brief
look of annoyance as Koizumi scans across the title, and then
refocuses on the game board before him.

     "Um," Asahina-san begins hesitantly.  "Kyon-kun ... about that
book you're reading?"

     "Hmm?" I wonder, setting the book down and giving my full
attention to the girl who is once again dressed as a maid.

     "Why ... would you want to lure a tiger from the mountains?" she wonders.

     "'Lure the Tiger from the Mountains' is a book of stratagems," I
reply.  "After explaining each strategem, there's a bit about how it
can apply to everyday life."

     "So ... it's philosophy, like Koizumi-kun likes?" she wonders.

     What a horrifying thought.

     "I don't think this would be abstract enough for him," I say ...
more to convince myself than him.  Ugh.  What a feeling.  Should I
wash?

     "So, you are thinking of the future?" Haruhi asks, breaking into
the conversation.

     In an abstract sense, I suppose....

     "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" she presses, leaning
forward and peering at me over the black obelisk proclaiming her rank.

     Asahina-san nods at this as if it were a good question, then
shakes her head as though to dismiss some distraction, turning around
and reaching for the tea set.

     "Not sure," I admit.  "Probably working somewhere somewhat
respectable....  Ten years from now ... hmm, if I've managed to become
someone worth dating by then, hopefully I'll have a wife, maybe even a
child."  I nod thoughtfully; it's a pleasant dream, anyway.

     Haruhi fidgets for a moment, and I go back to my book, re-reading
number twenty six, a personal favorite: 'Feign madness but keep your
balance'.

     The silence is broken when Haruhi wonderingly asks, "Where do you
think we will be in ten years, Kyon?  I mean ... you and I."

     I blink and look at her.  What's bringing all this up?

     "It's just ... after yesterday...."  She trails off and shoots a
glare at everyone aside from me, as though daring them to ask her for
clarification.  She shakes her head and turns her attention back to
me.  "Right -- Kyon, we need to talk.  The rest of you are dismissed!"

     Koizumi hesitates enough for Haruhi to give him a curious look,
but he quickly rises and offers his usual smile, a little stiff as he
walks away.  "O...oh," Mikuru pouts, looking nervously at me, and then
Haruhi.

     Haruhi shakes her head quickly, before I can step outside ... and
be confronted by Koizumi again.  "Eh, Yuki-chan, you lock up," Haruhi
adds, setting the keys on the table and gesturing me to follow her.

     Resigned to the inevitable, and suspecting how this is most
likely going to turn out, I fall into step at her side, the pair of us
nearly walking into Koizumi, who is staring fixedly at his cell-phone,
and gives a nervous jump as we step through the door.  "A...ah," he
says uneasily, looking between the pair of us.  "Um ... it appears
that my part-time job is calling for me again...."

     "Well, good luck with that," Haruhi says, sounding completely
uninterested.  She shoots a look at me.  "Come on," she says, more
insistantly.

     A short time after, we're both walking to the train station at
the bottom of the hill.  "So," she says, breaking the silence, "tell
me ... we're friends, right?"  Her question is cautious, but she
immediately follows it with, "You said that yesterday!"

     "I hope that you at least consider me that after everything
you've put me through," I answer.  "I know for a fact that you've done
things I wouldn't tolerate from anyone less than a friend."

     This seems to unsettle her faintly, and her slightly worried,
almost cute expression twists into a more vulnerable fear and
irritation.  "So ... in that case ... I tolerate things from you I
won't accept from anyone else at all, you know," she mumbles,
repeatedly glancing at me, but unable to maintain eye contact for more
than a few seconds at a time.

     "Well, then that sounds like it answers your question," I return.
 "So, we're friends."  Maybe even better friends than I had
thought....

     ...her prank aside.

     "R...right ... so then ... where would you see us in ten years?"
she asks anxiously.

     "From what you tell me, I'll be alone and miserable, and you'll
just be getting bored with ruling the entire world," I answer.  I
realize this is flippant, so before she can complain, I add, "When you
ask questions, I always feel there's a right answer -- or that if I
answer wrong, you'll get upset with me again.  So keeping that in
mind, let's be straightforward."

     Haruhi scowls, shooting a death glare away from me, at no one in
particular.

     Taking a breath, she says, very carefully, "I want to know your
opinion.  After yesterday ... I started to wonder if I didn't know you
as well as I should, for you to react so badly!"

     To be honest, knowing Haruhi, I can't feel that my reaction was
uncalled for.

     "Anyway ... it's not like...."  She hesitates a moment, then
says, "You've pulled some really unimpressive, lame pranks on me in
the past, you know."

     "Like when?" I wonder, annoyed.

     "Bah!  That time you told me that Koizumi, Mikuru-chan, and
Yuki-chan were an esper, a time traveler, and an alien?" she asks,
glaring.  "Or that stupid prank where you told me Mikuru-chan was
_kidnapped_?"

     "Right," I sigh.  I'm not allowed to defend myself on those
counts, either.  "Well, sorry.  So, what do I need to do to apologize
for those now?  More penalties, I assume?"

     Haruhi hesitates, then sighs, sounding aggravated.  "You're being
difficult," she mumbles.

     She catches my look at that and quickly backpedals.

     "_This_ is difficult," she says hastily, pointedly looking away.
"Ugh....  Um....  W...what I'm trying to say is....  I mean, I just
wanted to know; in ten years, we're still going to be friends, right?"

     "If you manage to not get bored of me," I agree.

     She makes a face at that.  "So ... where do you see the pair of
us?" she presses.

     "I don't know," I answer with a sigh.  "Is there a right answer
to this question?  Will you get angry if I don't say what you want?"

     "Shut up and answer the question!" she snaps.

     "Fine ... ten years from now....  I'd guess it was as I said
earlier.  I'd like to think that I'd be happily married to someone who
remembers my name, and you would find someone who is able to somehow
make you happy."  Then I pause, and add, "I'd like to think we'd still
be friends, then."

     She gives me a very odd, confused look.  "Hmm," she muses, at the
edge of the covered walkway leading to the trains.  "I see," she says
slowly, her eyes drifting away as she looks troubled still.  "I'll
talk to you tomorow."

     What the hell was that all about?  I admit ... I was hoping for
an explanation of her prank, or an apology.  Then again, from her, I
should be glad she's not taking her anger out on me and leave well
enough alone.

     ***

     After that I don't really think about it much, except to
aknowledge that Haruhi seems occupied, and that suits me just fine.
So, over the next few days, strangely, I start seeing her less after
classes.  Koizumi simultaneously stops sending me messages.

     In this manner, even though Haruhi seemed to want to talk to me,
a week and a half passes without anything being brought up.
Naturally, I'm not complaining about this.

     The strangest part about this week and a half is that Koizumi
avoids me, and Haruhi is less than her normally helpful self when it
comes to my math studies; usually she'll reliably tell me which
problems I need to focus on for review, but lately she's seemed too
busy.

     All things considered, I'm appreciating the calm too much to ask
why.  Her help was welcome, but in all honesty, not asked for.  I'll
keep struggling through on my own.  And a lack of Koizumi suddenly
interrupting my personal space?

     Quite worthwhile.

     That day, in the clubroom, since Koizumi is now fully absorbed in
... whatever ... that involves a notebook and pen, I was reading
again.

     "U...um ... Kyon-kun," Asahina-san asks tremulously, glancing at
the title askance.  "What's that book about?"

     "Just another old book about applying strategems to real life," I
answer.  Then, realizing the opportunity for a good joke, I set down
my copy of 'The Book of Five Rings' and say, "I found this in the
'business and management' section of the bookstore.  Considering
almost half of it is about sword techniques ... I have to say,
management has come a long way in recent centuries!"

     Asahina-san looks bewildered, but tries to force a polite smile,
recognizing it as a joke even if she couldn't understand it.  Haruhi
gives me another of those strangely unreadable looks I've been getting
ever since our last serious discussion.  "What about tradition?" she
wonders, shaking her head.  "Don't they say 'old tricks are the best
tricks'?"

     "Yeah, that was a joke," I sigh.  "The wisdom may not change
much, just how it's applied to everyday life."  This philosophising is
really more Koizumi's thing, anyway.  I gesture at him, picking my
book up and say, "I'm sure he can tell you all about that."

     Haruhi makes an uncertain sound in response, and I catch her out
of the corner of my eye, headed to the side of the esper in question.

     From there, I find myself wondering how much of the book of fire
is applicable to me.  Miyamoto Musashi was writing to people who would
lead armies and need to make split-second decisions on the edge of a
sword.

     For me, well, maybe I'll figure out how to answer what should be
obvious questions in a span of mere days.

     As I'm thinking these things, not quite registering, but noted, I
see Haruhi stop behind Koizumi's seat.  I think she's glancing at me,
and then, I see her hand find Koizumi's shoulder as she asks, loud
enough to actually claim my attention again, "So, Itsuki ... what do
you think of all of that?"

     His smile seems more forced than usual.  "Ah ... I didn't ...
really see much of a philisophical question in that, honestly," he
says hesitantly.   "But generally, I agree that what Kyon-kun suggests
is an ideal compromise between old wisdom and new.  Finding a way to
present old wisdom in a new way credits the original wisdom, but also
makes it more applicable, doesn't it?"

     "Sounds good," I agree, thinking the issue sounds closed.  Also,
the closest I have come to winning an argument or discussion in this
room that _didn't_ come across as Haruhi sending me a death-glare
before aqcuiscing to my demands.

     After a few comfortable pages, Haruhi unleashes an irate sigh.
"Hey--  Itsuki, are you busy tonight?"

     I don't see his reaction, mostly because I can't be troubled to
look up from my book.

     "Ah ... w...well, as it happens, I should be busy with my
part-time job at that point," he says anxiously, which does get my
attention.  More closed space?  As much as I appreciate Koizumi _not_
lurking and being annoyingly creepy, if Haruhi's been acting up, it's
surprising that he hasn't mentioned it to me.

     Then again ... I can't complain that much.

     "What about tomorrow?" she demands.

     "Well ... I can ... be free," he allows uncertainly.

     Curious, I actually look up at the pair of them.  Koizumi seems
-- for once -- nervously uncertain, as though he didn't know how to
behave at Haruhi's sudden attention.  For her part, she's got her
hands on his shoulders and is practically leaning into him.  Her eyes
spark for a second, a momentary shine as though she were looking
quickly away when our gazes meet.

     Nagato is not even pretending to read a book.  Asahina-san, from
her spot by the tea set, fidgets with poorly concealed anxiety.

     "What's going on here?" I wonder for a moment, before realization sets in.

     Wait -- really?  But--

     "Haruhi ... are you trying to ask Koizumi out on a date?" I can't
help but ask.

     Her eyes flash again, and she quickly looks away.  "Well, what if
I am?" she asks, somewhat testily.

     I work my jaw for a moment, and climb to my feet.  The air in the
room seems charged for some reason, Asahina-san quietly tensing
herself, as though in preparation, Koizumi hunching over the slightest
bit -- as much as he can in Haruhi's grip.  Haruhi's feet slide the
slightest distance apart as she widens her stance, as though preparing
for confrontation.  Nagato seems calm, however, in fact reaching for
her discarded book and opening it up.

     "Well ... if you are," I start, thinking.  "Eh, well....  I want
to say that this is unseemly from a Brigade chief, and hypocritical,
aside -- I don't know why, but I had thought relationships among
Brigade members were forbidden, considering your usual behavior."

     "So, you want to try and stop us?" Haruhi challenges, while
Koizumi winces slightly.

     "Well ... as a member of the Brigade, I think I've said what
needs to be said," I answer, shaking my head.  "However, as your
friend--  Haruhi, I'm actually quite happy for you!"

     She has a look on her face like I just threw Asahina-san out the
window for some reason.

     "...what?" she asks.

     "P...pardon?" Koizumi echoes, looking increasingly uncomfortable
and confused.

     Not like I care, but just for the hell of it, Koizumi, prepare to
deal with some payback.  "To be honest, Haruhi, you've noticed that
Koizumi and I often spend time talking about things outside of your
hearing, haven't you?" I ask.

     "Ah--  K...Kyon, I would appreciate it if that remained just
between us," the esper says anxiously.  "Really--"

     "What's this, then?" Haruhi snaps, her attention turning to Koizumi.

     "The content of those discussions is entirely centered around
you, you know," I tell Haruhi, unable to keep from smiling.  "Koizumi
here has been wanting to confess to you since nearly the day he joined
our club!  That this can now be in the open, instead of having to be a
secret....  Why wouldn't I be happy for Koizumi?  And you're the one
who's asking him out, so it seems it's mutual, isn't it?  Of course
this is great news!"

     Haruhi and Koizumi both stare at me with astonishment.
Asahina-san looks -- if anything -- even _more_ bewildered.  "U...um?"
she manages, eyes going between Haruhi and myself in utter confusion.

     "R...really?" Haruhi asks, sounding both bewildered and strangely
unsatisfied.

     "Well ... it is true that I have great admiration for you,"
Koizumi manages nervously.  "This isn't....  That is to say--"

     "Oh, don't hold back," I can't help but remark.  "Though ...
Koizumi, Haruhi -- if the two of you want some privacy, that's
completely understandable."

     "No--  Well...."  Haruhi drops her hands from Koizumi's
shoulders.  "He's got work today anyway," she says halfheartedly.
"Um...."

     For reasons I don't really understand, Haruhi doesn't look nearly
as happy as I would have expected.

     "Speaking of that--  I must urgently go now," Koizumi says,
giving a shaky, apologetic smile before he suddenly bolts, leaving the
rest of us behind.

     "Um," Asahina-san tries, "d...does this mean that Suzumiya-san
and Koizumi-kun are a couple?"

     "It seems so," I agree, retaking my seat.

     Haruhi suddenly huffs a very abrupt sigh, shaking her head and
crossing her arms over her chest as she retreats to her seat,
frowning.

     "Don't let it get you down," I encourage her.  "Koizumi should
treat you well, I expect -- and if he doesn't, for some reason, you've
still got your friends, right?"

     "Kyon," she answers tiredly, crossing her arms on the desk in
front of her, laying her head down, "shut up."

     Hmm.  I shrug at that; it seems she just got her way, so there's
no good reason for her to be upset.  And she's distracted, so more
time to read.

     ***

     Koizumi hasn't contacted me by the time the weekend has rolled
around -- the first time I'll see Haruhi and Koizumi since they
canceled yesterday's club meeting for their date.  The weekend mystery
search is still on, though I can't help but think it would have been
more sensible to attend club as usual, and cancel the city search,
instead.

     Still, we meet up at the assigned place.  Much to my surprise,
when I get there five minutes late, Haruhi and Koizumi have not yet
arrived.  Asahina-san is still there, wearing a very pretty yellow
dress with cute little lacy flounces and bows.  At her side, Yuki is
wearing something from her limited selection of casual clothing --
shorts and a shirt I think I remember from last year's summer
vacation.

     I frown as I glance across the pair.  "Hello!" Asahina-san says
brightly on seeing me, showing those small signs of nervousness she
gets when she's alone with Nagato.  "How are you doing, Kyon-kun?"

     "Great, actually," I tell her.  With all that extra free time
yesterday, I had planned on tackling the hidden boss of that game it's
taken me eight months to beat.  My mom had a different idea involving
my math homework.  On the bright side, I think the feeling of
accomplishment from completing the unwanted assignment completely
outweighs my annoyance over not getting a chance to see two dozen
flavors of party-wipe.

     That hidden boss is needlessly mean.

     "I really like these calmer days," I add.  Turning to look at the
most silent member of the group, I ask, "Are you doing well, Nagato?"

     Her head inclines the slightest distance, and her eyes track to
me briefly.  She still doesn't quite smile ... but I feel some
miniscule thawing in her gaze.  Or maybe I'm totally wrong on that
count.  But then....

     "I am fine," she finally answers.

     "Glad to hear it.  What do you think Haruhi's going to have
planned for today?"

     Asahina-san looks uncertain.  "I don't know," she says slowly.
"Um ... Kyon-kun ... is it ... okay that Suzumiya-san is dating
Koizumi-kun?"

     "Seems like it'd be fine to me," I reply, shrugging.  "If things
aren't fine, no one likes me when I try and adress it on my own,
anyway."

     "What?" she asks, confused.

     "I tried to interfere of my own volition, once, when I felt that
things had gotten out of hand," I clarify.  "I suppose you don't
remember it because of the alcohol."

     She winces at that and instantly turns to look away.  "That's..."
she starts, unable to follow it with anything.

     I do remember that moment quite well.  That interaction ... that
defines the distance between Haruhi and myself, and what I've accepted
as my chosen task, regardless of whatever it is she thinks she keeps
me around for.

     Those thoughts in turn define the uncomfortable silence that
surrounds us for the next few minutes.

     "I don't....  Somehow, this moment feels very sad," Asahina-san
says uncomfortably, her expression dismayed.  "I....  I really don't
like that Kyon-kun would say his temperence is unappreciated."

     I can't help but snort.  "Unappreciated is exactly the word," I agree.

     "Appreciation or the lack thereof do not wholly define the
substance of your transmission," Nagato observes.

     Though, come to think of it ... this is something we never really
discussed.  Oh, when things got heated at that time, she told me what
Koizumi and Asahina-san's goals and motives were, but for herself, she
never seemed to offer any opinions or recriminations.

     Sad to say, it's the closest thing to support I had in that altercation.

     "If you're trying to say that even though she never apologized,
she paid attention to what I said, I get that," I aknowledge.

     That's why we're still on speaking terms; if she couldn't grow at
all, I'd never have thought of Haruhi as anything more than the worst
sort of annoyance.  Or an outright hazard!  There were times in the
first month or two that I knew her, but now....

     "Speaking of Haruhi, where is she?" I wonder.  Should I sneak
away and come back later so I'm still the last to arrive?  Hmm ... no,
at this point it's too much effort.  She'll have to come up with some
other reason to make me pay.

     "She is a bit late, isn't she?" Asahina-san agrees uncomfortably,
checking her watch.

     Nagato turns slightly to one side, and I turn with her.  Haruhi
is stalking towards us, already looking like she's in a bad mood.
She's dressed for the weekend, or really ... for a date, I would
expect.  She's wearing a skirt and heels -- her outfit actually
reminds me a little bit of Asahina-san (big).  Behind her, Koizumi is
dressed in his typical manner, which means if he holds still I assume
he's mimicking the cover of some men's fashion magazine or another.

     I raise a hand in greeting as the wayward pair arrives, Haruhi
scanning across the trio of us as though expecting a blank spot to
appear, so someone else can be the last to arrive after all.  "Good
morning," I greet her.  "What's wrong?"

     "That's some way to say hello!" she snaps at me.

     "Hmm, likewise," I return.

     She draws in a breath and then sighs, looking across the others
and shaking her head.  "Eh ... I'm annoyed because Itsuki slowed us
down having breakfast -- that's why we're late!" she complained.

     "My apologies," the esper manages, scratching the back of his
head, his smile .  "I lost all sense of time--  I was in such
delightful company, after all!"

     Haruhi shakes her head severely, shooting a surprisingly dark
glare at Koizumi.  "I _told_ you; the Brigade has to come first,
Itsuki!  Ugh--  Right--  Itsuki, Kyon, Yuki-chan, you're a team.
Kyon, find something amazing!  Now, come on, Mikuru-chan."

     Not waiting for a reply, she seizes Asahina-san's elbow in her
hand and storms off.

     I sigh, shaking my head, and give Koizumi a studying look.  How
does it feel when the shoe is on the other foot, Esper-san?  "I would
have thought that you, of all people, would try and make Haruhi happy
in this situation," I scold him.

     He gives me an openly, undisguised look of incredulity.  "You
aren't....  You're not serious," he says, shaking his head quickly.
"This can't be right!"

     "You tell me?" I ask.  "But, if it's none of my business, I
respect that.  Anyway, we have to find something amazing, don't we?"

     "If we're literal, that order seemed specific to you," Koizumi
counters, frowning.  "As it happens -- I do have concerns regarding
Suzumiya-san."

     I catch a glimpse of Haruhi and Asahina-san at one end of the
street, so shake my head; if she hesitates and sees us hanging around,
she'll undoubtedly turn back and complain about our behavior at
length.  "Come on," I say, gesturing Koizumi and Nagato to follow me
as I head the opposite direction from where Haruhi headed.

     The pair fall into step behind me, Koizumi's footsteps nearly
silent, and Nagato's absolutely so.  After half a block, Koizumi pulls
even with me, sighing.  "If you are truly unaware, then I have to
explain that Suzumiya-san's current behaviors are a result of your
actions," he tells me in warning.

     I don't see a problem with this.

     "Why don't we pass through that alley?" Koizumi suggests,
gesturing to a side-street too narrow for regular traffic.  "There's a
park two blocks over."

     I change course without really thinking about it, passing behind
the rear entrance for some restaraunt or another, weaving between the
trash bins that fill most of the space.  Koizumi grabs my arm between
two buildings, reminding me strangely of the way that Haruhi grabbed
Asahina-san.  "Kyon," he says in warning, "this matter is far too
serious for you to act so indifferent.  It pains me to make things
this obvious, but to spell it out for you...."

     He turns to fix me with a particularly serious stare.  "Suzumiya
Haruhi is in love with you," he says.

     I press my lips together in a flat line.  Let's be serious for a
minute ... but it's not like such thoughts haven't crossed my mind
before.

     "And?" I ask.  "How is any of this my problem, since she's dating you?"

     While his grip tightens, squeezing painfully, I'm rewarded with
the sight of his eyes and mouth popping open wide in shock.

     "To be honest, I suspected as much at points," I tell him, shaking my head.

     "T...then ... why haven't you _done_ anything?" he shouts.  "You
know--  You know!  And you just pretend to be ignorant?!"

     "I'm not oblivious," I say, the pressure on my arm becoming truly
discomforting.  "Just indifferent."

     One of Koizumi's eyebrows twitches -- and for the first time
ever, I see Koizumi lose his temper, releasing my arm and reaching
back to somewhere near the constelation of Orion before hurling his
fist at my face.  The impact of flesh against flesh sounds, reminding
the esper that we are not alone, as his fist is effortlessly caught in
her hand, a few centimeters from my face.

     "You will not harm him," Nagato warns him quietly.  He glares as
he stumbles back, into the alley wall behind him.  She stares back at
him impassively.

     "Not that I don't enjoy our little chats," I say, frowning.
Still ... this doesn't feel right.  "Thank you, Nagato; I'm in your
debt again."

     "It is nothing," she answers, almost by rote.

     "Well, I appreciate your friendship regardless," I tell her
honestly.  Turning back to Koizumi I sigh and shake my head.  "I'll
admit; I'm actually a little happy to see you uncomfortable for once,
considering how difficult it usually is for me.  Then again, I don't
have all of your knowledge, or your agenda.  It seems very obvious
that you feel I should reciprocate -- give Haruhi what she wants.
Right?"

     He gives a grudging nod at that.  "You do realize that this
current arrangement is meant to inspire jealousy in you, don't you?"
Koizumi asks cautiously.  "There is no joy in this for me --
Suzumiya-san has made it quite clear that our 'relationship' is purely
a cover."

     Actually ... I suspected that.  "Well, that's too bad.  I had
hoped it was more genuine."  It would certainly make things easier for
me....

     "I had....  I had thought that you cared about her," Koizumi says
uneasily.  "That ... you would be happy to return her feelings...."

     "Well, I do, and I would be," I assure him, shrugging.  "But
she's never been forthcoming and honest about the issue."

     He blinks at this, seeming to consider something for a while
before he nods.  "I see," he says quietly, frowning.

     Hmm.  He's probably got the wrong idea....

     Oh, whatever.  I don't really need to worry about that at the
moment -- unless he thinks he can convince Haruhi to try and confess
to me.

     "Do you think we'll find something amazing at the park?" I
wonder, trying to change the subject back as I lead the walk towards
our theoretical destination.

     ***

     Some days later, back in the clubroom, Asahina-san takes it upon
herself to remark on my reading choice again.  "Um ... Kyon-kun ...
why so many books about conflict and war?" she wonders.

     "Just learning how to pick my battles," I answer, closing 'The
Art of War'.  "It doesn't hurt to be more aware of what your options
are when you run into unknown situations, right?"

     "But ... war?" she asks anxiously, her eyes wide and worried as
she clutches her hands to the chest of her charming maid costume.
"That's so scary!"

     "It's about conflict, not just war," I explain.  "Every problem
you encounter can be viewed in terms of a conflict.  For all of my
reading, I don't expect to ever use any of this knowledge in a
fistfight -- or any other kind, for that matter."

     "What, you think those books will let you solve problems you
haven't been able to before?" Haruhi asks, doubtful and tired.

     Sensing a trap, I shrug and answer, "Maybe, and maybe not."

     "What strategem would be used to defeat an implacable foe?"
Koizumi asks abruptly.

     "Define implacable," I retort.

     "This foe is a brilliant, powerful strategist; it seems direct
confrontations are not an option," Koizumi says with a helpless shrug.
 "I cannot defeat him.  So, how would I resolve this situation?"

     "Still lacking a bit in context," I say, pretty sure I know
exactly what he's alluding to.  Haruhi crosses her arms over her chest
and watches our discussion curiously.  "However, taking this as
seriously as I can....

     "Number thirty five, chain strategems.  First, your enemy is like
a tiger; strong in its natural envrionment.  So naturally, number
fifteen, lure the tiger from the mountains.  After that, your foe has
lost the position that grants them strength.  While he's in the open,
he's vulnerable -- or at least weaker than he is otherwise.

     "From there, number ten; hide a knife behind a smile.  If your
foe is unbalanced and unprepared, the guise of friendship may allow
you to attack unexpectedly.  Simultaneously, because that may fail,
number seven -- create something from nothing.  Make a rumor or create
a compelling reason to move your foe elsewhere, ideally from the
neutral ground to a less favorable one.

     "Once you've gotten him moved all the way from his place of
strength to a place of extreme risk, number twenty seven; remove the
ladder when your enemy has ascended to the roof."  I pause from my
delivery to drink from the teacup Asahina-san placed before me, noting
the absolute silence my speech has left in the others.

     "If all of that fails, you would be best to rely on number thirty
six," I complete, shrugging.

     "Which one is that?" Koizumi asks, smiling thoughtfully.  "I'm
afraid I'm barely familiar with these ideas, let alone have them
memorized to your degree...."

     "I know those because that exact plan was used against me once,"
I answer, shrugging.  "As flattering as it is to be labeled
'implacable'.  Well, that should only be a problem if I was your
theoretical 'foe'," I add, hiding my smirk behind a teacup as
Koizumi's smile fades.  "Number thirty six is, when all else fails,
retreat."

     "That's actually interesting," Haruhi remarks, rubbing her chin.
"What 'foe' are you talking about, anyway, Koizumi?"  Not 'Itsuki'
anymore?  He catches that too, wincing slightly.

     "Really, it was more of a thought exercise," he answers, shaking
his head slightly.

     Haruhi purses her lips, looking annoyed.  "Right, we're breaking
up," she announces, shaking her head.  "I'm bored with you, Koizumi."

     "Ah...."  Koizumi sighs and stares at the table, unable to
maintain his perfect smile.  I actually do feel a little sorry for
him....

     I've said enough for today, though.  I give Koizumi a sympathetic
shrug, but given his explanation to me that it was all staged on
Haruhi's part....  Well, yeah, I do feel a little sorry for him,
still.

     "What?" Asahina-san protests, confused.  "But, but--  But you
just started, Suzumiya-san!  That's too sad!"

     "It was getting in the way of the Brigade," Haruhi counters
testily, shooting a dark glare at the bottom of her teacup.  She huffs
another abreviated sigh and gives a shake of her head, climbing to her
feet.  "Kyon -- you...."  She trails off, all eyes going to her.
After another irritated shake of her head, she grabs our schoolbags,
throwing mine before me.  "Come on," she orders.  "I want to talk with
you."

     ***

     This is the part where I go on at length about the nature of
love.  Don't worry; it's also about fighting, so it won't get
incredibly sappy.  I have an aknowledged habit that I cannot leave an
unknown word unresearched on the internet.  I can't leave an idea
alone once it's introduced to my mind, and I have to continue
understanding it.

     I suppose, in this way, I'm not that far from Haruhi....

     It all began, honestly, when things began to truly gel for me
during the filming of Haruhi's movie.  Did Koizumi think that after he
mentioned fatal conflicts between rival factions that I wouldn't take
him seriously?

     Though, before that ... I'm sure you remember that part in the
story I got to avoid last time by saying, 'Haruhi is Haruhi'?

     I knew it was a cop-out then, and I know it now.  And I'd be an
idiot to read the books that I do without realizing the important
parts of the art of war.  As Sun Tzu said:

     If you know your enemy and know yourself, you will not be
imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemy nor
yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.

     Between those, of course, is the idea that knowing yourself and
not the enemy is half of victory; I think the American military has a
motto along those lines.

     And, as there is between those points, between the points prior
to that -- Haruhi being Haruhi, and me cultivating my _own_ plans....

     Around the end of May last year, I was content to believe that I
was slowly falling in love with Haruhi, despite how much her behavior
could occasionally bother me.  It's easy enough to imagine; it was
_my_ kiss that somehow persuaded her to come back to this world, and
not drag me with her to....

     Who knows, actually?

     Those thoughts in mind, I thought that's how things were.

     When Haruhi showed her true colors, filming her movie....  That,
and Koizumi's long speech made me wonder if I really _did_ love
Haruhi.  Then, recent events, reminding me of that girl from middle
school....

     It wasn't enough to try and sort out my feelings, though.  I knew
that there would always be a question of limited trust, and that
Koizumi regarded me as a pawn, if he was generally amiable.  Then,
too, there was the idea that he said Asahina-san was some clever form
of spy sent just to manipulate me....

     So, I also needed to learn more about how to behave when
confronted with unknown enemies.  From there, I began to see the
tactics employed against me.  I'd already figured the drive of
Koizumi's speeches, but information control is a form of conflict,
too.  I know where I stand in the grand scheme of things; Nagato could
surely defeat me, if she had reason to.  But I trust Nagato -- and I
trust Haruhi.

     I can say with confidence that even if I don't know all of my
enemies ... I at least know myself, now.  That should get me halfway
there.

     ***

     Haruhi and I set out from the school together, leaving the
supposedly abandoned Koizumi with Asahina-san and Nagato to console
him.  My attention is on the girl at my side, as I'm pretty sure I
know what's coming.  But that's fine; that's part of _my_ stragetem.

     Number one: Decieve the heavens to cross the sea.

     "What's wrong, Haruhi?" I ask, trying to sound supportive, but
unable to keep a faint note of suspicion from my voice.

     She huffs again, not even trying to meet my eyes.  "What do you
think?" she grumbles.

     "Koizumi?" I pose.

     "Look--  That...."  She grumbles and shakes her head.  "Koizumi
and I weren't really dating," she sighs.  "We just made that up,
okay?"

     "Hmm.  So, is this the prank you came up with instead?"

     "I wanted to see your reaction," she admits.  She shifts her
shoulders and grumbles, "I didn't know he _really_ had a crush on
me...."

     "Is that a problem?" I wonder.

     She makes a face.  "A guy as phony as him?" she asks doubtfully.
"Come on ... he won't even say where he works.  Even if he did help us
get part-time work, there's no way I'll buy him wearing those mascot
outfits all the time.  Bah -- I bet it's something nasty, like a
compensated dating scheme with unmarried thirty year old office
ladies!"

     ...that has to be one of the most unappealing ideas I've ever heard of.

     Haruhi catches my expression and nods.  "Yeah, you know what I'm
talking about..." she trails off with a sigh.

     "Well, you wanted my reaction?" I prompt.  "Is there something
you wanted to just maybe _ask_ me about?"

     "I tried to," she mumbles, bowing her head.

     "Strategem thirty; make the guest and the host exchange roles," I
say.  "I was thinking about being more direct.  Weren't you just
asking me if old tricks were the best tricks?"

     "Fine," she says softly, shifting her shoulders and raising her
head, staring forward.  "So....  Kyon, do you like me?"

     "Of course I do, Haruhi; that's why I'm your friend," I answer.

     "Eh....  I meant ... more than that," she mumbles.  "You....  You
get what I'm trying to say, right?  Why I'd ask if we'd still be ...
together ... in ten years...."

     "I think I know," I agree, stopping at a street corner and
turning to face her.  We're alone for the moment, the vast majority of
students either already gone past us, or still back in their own
clubs.  "So ... can I say some things, and have you hear me out?"

     "Absolutely," she says without hesitation, her eyes lighting up
as she stares at me.

     Despite everything, I lick my lips nervously, unable to meet her
eyes.  "So ... listen.  In ten years, or twenty, or thirty....  No
matter how many years go by, at this point, after what we've been
through together, it's almost painful to consider life without it
being at your side," I tell her honestly.  "And I'd like to think that
you feel at least something close to that."

     Her expression shifts, becoming something I can't quite read.
"Eeh," she mumbles.  Her eyes track to one side, and she seems to
regain the confidence that's been missing from her lately.  Then she
frowns and fixes me squarely in the eyes, her expression shifting to a
frown.  "Then, why wouldn't you confess when I gave you the chance?"
she complains.

     "Why _would_ I confess?" I counter, frowning.  "I care about you
-- a lot.  An awful lot.  I don't know what love is with enough
confidence to say that's what I feel ... but I actually feel a need to
be there for you even more than my own sister.  Is that love?  If it
is, then that's how I feel for you."

     Her eyes almost cross, as a hundred emotions struggle to cross
her face.  "What do you mean?  _That_ sounded like a confession!" she
protests.

     "No ... you've taught me something on that, Haruhi -- what I feel
for you and romance are separate things.  I don't do romance -- I'm
just a pervert, and not worth anyone's time, right?  So, I'd never
want to risk what we have for something like that.  My idea of growing
old at your side is friends -- I don't know what I'd do without you,
and even if I'm flattering myself ... I'd like to think that my
friendship is meaningful to you as well."

     She blinks several times at this, slow realization setting in.
"Are....  N...no, wait," she says, shaking her head, her expression
anxious.  "I....  I picked on you a lot, alright?  Because--  Because
I like you a lot too!  I wasn't trying to _prank_ you!  I wanted...."
She sighs and deflates, staring at the ground.  "I wanted ... to start
going out with you.  What the hell is all of this 'friendship'
bullshit, now?  D...do you think I'm _ugly_ or something?  I...is it--
 Are you g--"

     "Hold up there," I interrupt, shaking my head.  "Don't even finish that.

     "Before I met you, I was much more shallow, and probably would
have been satisfied with going out with you--  And then, you'd be
bored and done with me.  What we have right now, Haruhi ... it works.
I think with you as a friend, I can be truly happy.  And I'd like to
think as your friend, I could try and help be you happy, too.

     "For romance....  My personal stance on that until at least
college has simply become, 'don't'.  I've learned enough about myself
to decide that even if you didn't say it seriously, you're right that
I'm probably not cut out for that right now."

     "Uh," Haruhi chokes out, a pained noise as she stares at me, her
face filled with dismay.  "N...no....  Kyon, w...why is it like this?"

     Because I'm not going to give you what you want, Haruhi.

     I'm not going to give you what Koizumi wants, either.

     I'm going to give you what you need.

     "T...that look," she says, some tiny amount of stress seeming to
abate from her face.  "You....  You really ... care?"

     "Absolutely," I swear.

     "Huh," she manages, before heaving a sigh.  "I...."  She then
manages to laugh, though it's pained, and there's little humor in it.
"I've ... never been shot down before."

     Well ... what am I supposed to do, here?  "Normally, I think I'm
supposed to offer to find the guy responsible and rough him up for
you," I offer, not quite smiling.

     Then she _does_ laugh, though I can see she's still hurt.  I
regret that....  "Just ... this once, since he's ... kind of a cool
guy after all ... you can let him off easy," she says, forcing a
smile.

     "Alright," I allow.  "But ... Haruhi ... seriously?  If I've hurt
you, I really am sorry for that -- I don't....  I don't want to make
you unhappy."

     "So full of yourself," she retorts, sighing.  "I'm holding you to
this," she warns me, thrusting her right hand towards me, pinky
extended.

     Yubikiri?  Really?  Only you, Haruhi....

     "Alright," I grudgingly allow, linking my pinky finger with hers.
 "I promise to always be your friend, and if I lie, may I swallow one
thousand needles and cut off this finger."

     "I promise to always be your friend, and if I lie, may I swallow
one million needles and cut off this hand!" Haruhi answers, needing to
one-up me, naturally.

     I give her a real smile at that, we shake linked pinkies, and
then she releases me.

     "You know, I can _get_ pufferfish, too."  Haruhi nods, and seems
about to break away for her own path home, but she pauses, then
releases a tiny sigh.  "I'm keeping my promise, still ... but I want
one thing from you anyway," she says.  "With that, I'll be satisfied."

     "What's that?" I wonder, before she pushes into me and seizes me
in a hug, pressing her face into my coat.

     "Just shut up," she mumbles.  "Don't ... hug me back."  She
heaves one great sigh, then breaks away, her eyes shining.  "I'm going
home.  We have to study tomorrow; no friend of mine is going to be as
poorly prepared for college as you are!"

     I give a chuckle at that and nod.  "I appreciate that help,
Haruhi.  Thank you ... for being my friend.  Take care until tomorrow,
okay?"

     "Yeah," she answers.  "You too.  And, seriously, what's wrong
that you like me unromantically more than your sister?  She's awesome
-- be nice to her, too, or it's yubitsume!"

     ...she's probably serious, but I don't really want to cut off a
finger today.

     She shakes her head and sighs again, walking the route towards
her home with one last wave.

     After she's out of sight, I place one hand to my heart and
unleash an explosive sigh of my own.  My heartrate probably was equal
to the assumed rotational velocity of V1487 Aquilae at that point.

     "Sixteen; in order to capture, one must let loose," Nagato
observes from just behind me.

     I should probably be unsettled.

     Instead I shrug and turn around, offering a weak smile.  "No one
fights as hard as someone who doesn't see an escape," I agree,
nodding.  "At the same time ... I can't lash out against Haruhi for
taking away my freedom of choice when she doesn't even know she's
doing it.  If someone must be in such a position, it strikes me that
she needs a friend much more than a lover."

     Plus, well ... I like Haruhi, but I _love_ making my own decisions.

     Nagato's cool gaze regards me without blinking.

     "What about you?" I wonder.  "Did I handle that well?"

     Blinking once, she answers, "Good strategy."

     "And what do your bosses think?"

     She blinks again, saying nothing.

     I give her a small smile, catching the unspoken message.  "Thank
you again, Nagato...."  I still owe her a trip to the library.  I
suppose I could calm down there, but I just want to go home and
collapse, maybe let myself belatedly panic over what I just pulled
off.

     "Nagato ... I wonder, because you're a friend also -- as Haruhi
and I are going to stick together, will you be with us, too?"

     Though, honestly ... this is probably me being selfish.

     "I wish to observe something that will not be possible until
college," she agrees.

     "Oh?  Well, hopefully you'll be with us longer than that," I say,
frowning, wondering what it might be.  Probably something too profound
for me to understand.

     "Yes."  She nods very slightly.

     I give her a smile.  Maybe she means something like she knows
through a trick of predetermination or synchronization that we'll be
together until college, but not after.  And maybe not.  It probably
doesn't matter.

     "Well, be sure to let me know if there's anything I can do for
you," I decide, rather than leaving it unsaid this time.  "I owe you a
trip to the library, don't I?"

     She gives a tiny nod of her head.

     I can't help but smile softly at that.

     "In that case, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow," I say, raising
one hand in a wave.  "Take care, Nagato."

     "Take care," she echoes, before blinking and turning on one foot,
marching back up the hill to the road her apartment is on.
     -------------------------------------------
     Author's notes: I actually wrote most of this a while ago for use
in a different fic, which I've decided to not ever write.  I liked a
lot of the discussions, and also, I was really, really, really tired
of deconstructions that either are just flat out depressing/bleak, or
were status quo (which I personally find depressing/bleak).

     So here's something different.  A Kyon that likes Haruhi, and
just doesn't want to be romantically involved with her.  I think it
works.

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.