[FFML] The Shadow over Nishinomiya

[Henry Cobb]

On Sun, Jul 3, 2011 at 2:48 PM, Michael Clark <eta.bootis at gmail.com> wrote:
>> "See[,] Kyon[?]" Haruhi turned to me[.]  "The club will close if she
>> doesn't get more members, so we're doing her a favor."
>
> My suggestions in brackets.

Good catch, but I'll consider a rewrite.

> Hm.  Perhaps more description of everything being covered it dust.  Show
> me it's in the pages, on the books' jackets.

It should be noted that these are the only non-dusty items in the room.

>> The next day I sat in the slightly[-]more[-]livable clubroom and did

I suffered through German in college so I flinch from over-hyphenation.

>> "I can't[;] it's our family shrine!"
>
> And another.

I'm leaning towards a pair of exclamation marks here.

> On the whole, I can imagine what Nagato must be reading.  The atmosphere
> for this club room feels right.  Is there a possibility you'd take this
> any further?
>
> -Michael Clark

Another snippet, but not yet connected. Can you guess at the common
element between Lovecraft and Tanigawa that will be exploited in this
story? (Spot the greater evil...)

I had just taken my seat in the classroom when Haruhi said behind me, "I
found out why Yuki wasn't attending classes."

I turned towards her, "Yes?"

"The school had her records mixed up with another student of the same name
who started here thirty years ago. Can you imagine that, they're still
working on the same records they had thirty years ago and they haven't even
changed the school uniforms in all this time."

"Oh."

"They didn't even have a residence on file for her, so she's going home to
your house tonight."

"What?"

"Don't worry, I've already cleared it with your mom."

Miss Nagato followed me home silently that evening. I had to turn back a
few times to make sure that she was there, because I didn't even hear her
footsteps.

I opened the door and stood aside for her. My little sister ran out, "Are
you Yuki?"

Miss Nagato nodded.

"We're going to be roommates from now on! You can call me little sister,
big sister Yuki."

"Understood," Miss Nagato blinked.

At supper Miss Nagato ate very little and slowly while my sister talked to
her about the random things she found of interest.

I slept poorly that night, waking to jump at shadows, and in the morning I
fell out of bed as my alarm clock rang. I looked to my door. My sister did
not burst into my room, as was her habit, so I made my way silently to her
room and carefully opened the door.

There was a sleeping bag laid out next to my sister's bed, but it had
clearly been unused. I looked over to her bed where my sister was uncurling
herself from Miss Nagato's arms, "Morning Kyon."

"Why didn't you come wake me?" I asked.

"Oh, sorry. We were up late last night while big sister Yuki told me
stories."

"Why didn't I hear anything?"

"She whispered them, you dummy! She didn't want to bother anybody else."

As Miss Nagato rose I saw that she was only in her bra and panties and
quickly made my exit.

That evening as we were preparing for bed, I walked into the bathroom and
stopped,

Miss Nagato was shampooing my sister's hair. Each of her fingers moved
independently, twitching to unheard music.

"Kyon, you pervert!" My sister screamed, "Stop staring at me!"

"Oh, sorry," I left and closed the door.

-HJC