[FFML] Ranma 1/2 End Game Chapter 1

[Brian Randall]

On Thu, Feb 17, 2011 at 7:21 PM, David Barry <lordarchive at hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
> I thank you for your comments, and I definately will be making some of the adjustments you've recommended.

Well, glad I could be helpful. Even if I am a jerk. :D

> There is a point behind the story, and that is to mess around with the cliches. In the entire story, not once does Ranma or Akane actually say 'I love you' and if you think Akane will beat Shampoo just because of a few weeks of training, you're in for a surprise.

Despite those minor points ... in my opinion, the dramatic tension all
died the moment Akane chose to sign the contract.  That is, of course,
ONLY my opinion.  I happen to feel that Aondehafka writes without any
dramatic tension whatsoever, but others will disagree.  You haven't
done anything _wrong_, I'm just utterly indifferent towards the
matchup at this point (in my life -- not your story).

And, really, having Ranma do absolutely nothing to contest it except
saying, "Well, that was irresponsible.  Guess I'll deal with it." ...
that just sends the message of 'I love you' without _saying_ it.  That
and Akane's increased tolerance, and Ranma never putting his foot in
his mouth.  You're actually doing a _very_ good job of showing instead
of telling.

> I do have a draft of the series online at:
> http://thediariesuniverse.yuku.com/topic/1325/Draft-Ranma-1-2-End-Game
>
> I would be grateful if you could go over the other two chapters and give me your thoughts on them.
>
> Again, thank you for the best C&C I've had in a long time.

I'm honored you really want my advice, but as an Ukyou fanboy, AND
someone who is (totally) burnt out on Ranma/Akane matchups, I think my
vitriol would overpower any good suggestions.  We're better off
quitting while we're ahead (just like I think your favorite couple
should have (see?  Vitriol!)).  Ah, but seriously -- Since this is
public, aren't there other people on the list who would like to step
up to the plate?  Come on, list-ees, we used to be great at pulling
together C&C!  It seems that Archive is looking for a pre-reader; any
takers?

I can't believe that Archive and I are the only fans of the series
left on the list....

-- 
Brian Randall