[FFML] [SHnY][..IN SPACE!] The Nightmare of Sagittarius -- Prologue

[Brian Randall]

Oh, sorry--

Been distracted, so missed this reply until now.

Thanks for the feedback; I will probably come back to this fic later
(but give it an overhaul/rewite).  I appreciate your support, and
would like to apologize in general for posting something that still
wasn't ... quite ready.  Hmm.  I wonder if it's too late to become an
original not ready for prime time player....

Er.  That train has sailed. >_>;;

Thank you greatly for your feedback; I truly appreciate it. :)

On Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 6:11 AM, Chaeotica <chaeotica at gmail.com> wrote:
> Well, I was going to wait until I had time to do actual C&C on this, but
> given the general tone of the comment chain...
>
> I liked this.  It worked.  I was interested from beginning to end, I didn't
> come across anything jarring enough to knock me out of story-mode, the
> settings were introduced efficiently and well, and I find myself eagerly
> wondering what will happen next.
>
> While the shift between old and new was abrupt, this is a prologue to a
> longer story; it still works.  If this were a one-shot or, say, chapter 3 of
> a longer fic, then there might be problems.  But it works in a prologue, and
> - if you wanted to go the gradual change route - it allows for later bits to
> include flashes back to how the change happened, possibly as part of the
> characters remembering how the world changed.
>
> Now, as to the "Nagato did it" part... I suppose it _could_ be made more
> clear that she's the one who did it.  On the other hand - maybe because I'm
> not as familiar with the Haruhi series as some of the others on the list - I
> didn't automatically assume that Haruhi was the one who made the shift the
> first time I read this.  And - after I reread the actual shift part - I
> think that a careful reader can infer that Nagato did it fairly easily,
> given that 1) Nagato had the story, 2) Kyon mentions that he feels like he
> and Nagato are the only ones in the world, and 3) Haruhi is busy babbling
> at/with the computer club president.
>
> Anyway, to sum up:
> 1) I liked the story.
> 2) I would like to see it continue
> 3) I didn't see any blatantly obvious errors on my first read through.
> 4) Don't get discouraged!  Seriously!  And don't consider it a waste of time
> that you posted.
>
> I hope this amuses. :)
>>
>
> It amused me, at least.
> ~Chaeotica
-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.