[FFML] [Haruhi][Dark] Downfall: A Story in Three Acts -- Act III

[Michael Clark]

> Looking down, I saw she was still wearing the sun-dress from before.
> Judging by the light streaming in through the window it was daytime,
> though the sun wasn't visible, and the room had no clocks.  Having no
> better ideas, and not really sure where I was, I climbed out of the
> bed, moving to the door to find out more.
>
> I could, of course, have simply blown the building apart --
> harmlessly, if she wanted -- to see where everything was.  Or try and
> make myself _know_ it.

I think you want "if I wanted" here.  I suspect it's the same for "I saw
she was still" and such.  I can only imagine how difficult it
is---flipping between perspectives and first/third-person.

> After the most surreal breakfast I had eaten in her life -- and that
> was saying something, considering what I'd been through -- my hosts
> led me to the living room.  Kyon sat in an armchair and plucked at his
> ukulele with a look of bemusement.  As much as I wanted to hold onto
> him again, I kept myself restrained, sitting on the couch -- surprised
> when Yuki moved so sit next to me and gave my hand a reassuring pat.

Eaten in my life.

> But ... if he really didn't have any grudge against me, there was
> something I didn'tunderstand.  "S...so ... why aren't you better
> friends with the other copy of me, then?"  And I know there has to be
> one, or else he wouldn't have diferentiated between 'Suzumiya' and
> 'Haruhi' when he saw me ... though, understanding that now actually
> makes an almost painful warmth fill my chest.  "You _know_ her, so....
> Why don't you even call her by her first name?"
>
The thought process seems a bit off here.  Since she asks before she
comes to the conclusion, it feels...meandering.


Like always, I try not to be picky on details on focus on the general.
The Haruhi series in general has these lovely predestination paradoxes
that crop up from time to time, and in a sense, it seems fitting that
one plays into things here, since the displaced brigade here encourages
Haruhi to stay knowing that she (and the others) never appeared in the
old world.  As I say, fitting in one sense, but somewhat nagging in
another.  I'm not sure if that's a greater critique of the Haruhi series
or something more specific, though.

In large part, these last two installments have been about Haruhi
questioning what she believed, what rationalizations she'd built up, and
confronting the truth.  It seems fair and necessary that much of this
part relies on exposition, on Haruhi finding out the facts and us
sharing in her realization of what's really happened.  In that sense,
though, it feels like all of Haruhi's decisions have been made by now
(or were made in part two).  It feels a little like an epilogue as a
result.

On the flip side of things, I feel for Haruhi as relief and joy kick in
and she can finally shed her guilt.  This is as happy an ending one
could expect, and it's not something undeserved after what everyone
involved has been through.

Good luck whever your writing takes you.
-MC