[FFML] [SHnY] Taniguchi and Kunikida are dead.

[Henry Cobb]

On Tue, Aug 9, 2011 at 4:43 AM, Dot Warner <dotchan at dotchan.com> wrote:
> Is there going to be a part two of this, or have you forgotten that you left Kyon's two so-called best friends dangling
> on the roof while Kyon himself goes off into the longest flashback ever?

As you wish.

[SHnY] Taniguchi and Kunikida are dead, chapter two.
By Henry J. Cobb

[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru
Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]

The next day was a Tuesday and my little sister was overjoyed when
'Sasaki-sister' returned to our house. We dropped her off with her
elementary school friends, then rode in silence down to the station. It was
only when I was locking my bicycle up that I found the words to talk about
what I had done.

"I'm sorry about yesterday afternoon."

"For what, Kyon?"

"For dragging everybody around like that. I didn't ask you, Sasaki. I just
put you into a difficult position."

"The position was already difficult, because of that girl. What you
demonstrated was leadership. That was your first step towards putting
'President of the high school Literature Club', on your college
application. You still do want to pursue a carer in the humanities, rather
than the sciences, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, math just isn't my thing."

"So this is a good first step, no?"

'That girl' had her own agenda, of course.

"Kyon!" She looked over as I entered our classroom.

I had only seen it a few times, but I was already starting to dread Haruhi
Suzumiya's mischievous smile. It was not a relief when this soured into a
frown as Sasaki stepped into the classroom behind me. It was like having
the two of them together completed some sort of electrical circuit,
plunging the classroom into a deep freeze. My skin prickled with a feeling
like a cold winter's night, when static charges could easily build, to
result in a painful shock whenever metal was touched. An odd sensation
indeed, for an otherwise pleasant spring morning.

Suzumiya waited for me to take my seat in front of her before
continuing. "With Suou we only need one more member in the club to make
five, and I know just the person."

Sasaki took her seat in front of me, then turned around in her chair. "My
count was four girls following Literature Club President Kyon
yesterday. Unless you're not interested in joining?"

"I can't think of anything more boring than a Literature Club. My club will
be far more exciting than that, and far too exciting for a boring person
like you, Sasaki,"

Now that the ice had been broken, the two girls were finally talking to
each other. Woe is me. I tried to recall if this was the first time
Suzumiya had addressed Sasaki by name. I had tuned out most of their
clubroom spat yesterday, so I couldn't be sure.

"And do you finally have a name for this club of yours, Suzumiya?"

"The Save the World by Overloading it with Fun, Haruhi Suzumiya brigade. Or
SOS-dan for short."

"You're naming your club after yourself, Suzumiya?"

"Well, of course. I'm the one who came up with it after all."

"Kyon is a serious student. He needs the study time and record of
accomplishment in order to further his career in the humanities. Your club
sounds like it wouldn't accomplish anything."

"That's exactly the sort of non-fun that the SOS-dan needs to save the
world from."

I clearly wasn't needed for this, and would have fled the classroom, except
that the class was starting. I could feel the attention of the classroom
switch from the area around myself to the teacher, as he entered. Even
Sasaki turned forwards.

At lunch, Suzumiya fled the classroom, as usual.

Sasaki called Kunikida over to my desk, and she explained the situation to
him. "So can you join the Literature Club on a temporary basis? And can we
count on your vote for Kyon?"

"Sure, I guess." Kunikida froze.

I could feel it too, the sudden tension in the air. The other students
continued their conversations. It was just Kunikida, Sasaki, and myself
who were stopped, as we felt Suzumiya enter the classroom.

"Time for class." Kunikida took his empty bento and returned to his seat.

At the end of classes, Suzumiya dashed off for parts unknown so it was just
the three of us who made our way to the clubroom.

When I opened the door I saw only Nagato, sitting in the corner. She
seemed to be reading one of the books she had checked out of the library
the previous day.

Sasaki and Kunikida entered and then he turned to the corner nearest the
door.

I followed his gaze and saw Kuyou Suou standing there, as enigmatic as
always. Did she even know how to use a chair? "Kunikida, this is Kuyou
Suou."

"Nice to meet you, Miss Suou."

She turned ever so slightly to look at him then turned her attention back
to me.

I resolved to not let her freak me out. She didn't seem to intend to be a
problem. I assumed that she must be a foreign exchange student or
something. Didn't her name sound Korean?

I walked over to Nagato. "Can we have four application papers for the
Literature Club please? Unless Suou is already a member?"

"Suou is not." Nagato didn't look up from her book.

"So four application sheets then please."

"Suzumiya said to do nothing until she returned." Nagato kept reading.

I sat down next to Kunikida and across the table from Sasaki. "She seems
to have thwarted your plans at the gatekeeper?"

"We can wait her out. Miss Suou, sit here please." Sasaki indicated the
empty chair next to herself.

Suou floated over and settled into the seat, like a petite fog bank being
directed by unseen breezes.

We three students from class 1-5 started on our homework, while Suou
watched us as if we were a tribe of jungle primitives conducting strange
rituals, and Nagato continued to read in the corner.

A half hour later I looked up and scanned the room. "I'm feeling a little
thirsty. Can I get anybody else a drink?"

"No, I'll go." Kunikida volunteered. "You two seem to be making steady
progress. So no need to interrupt that. Tea for both of you? Nagato? Suou?"

Sasaki and I nodded. Suou looked up at Kunikida briefly and then looked
back at the homework on the table. Nagato made no motions or sounds, other
than to flip to the next page in her book.

"I'll be right back then." Kunikida opened the door. "Miss Suzumiya? I'm
going for refreshments, can I get you and your friend anything?"

"We'll both have tea, thanks. But that does bring up an interesting
point. We ought to have a maid for our club." Suzumiya entered and dragged
another girl into the clubroom, then turned and locked the door.

"Why did you lock the door?" The girl asked. She had a slight frame, but
curves even more generous than Suzumiya's. She turned to face the rest of
us and her cute features spread in shock. "You? You're all here? In this
school, at this time? In the same room? This is..."

"It's great, isn't it!" Suzumiya put her arm over the other girl's
shoulders. "This is Mikuru Asahina, she'll be our maid."

"Why?" I knew better than to ask, but I did anyway.

"Because she's got moe!" Suzumiya reached around from behind to grab
at Asahina's chest through her blouse. "Just look at the size of these
breasts! They're bigger than mine and they're completely natural. Just
feel them for yourself."

"Miss Asahina, shall I report this to the school authorities for you?"
Sasaki asked.

"You're no fun." Suzumiya released her captive and stood back.

"No, ah." Asahina took a moment to compose herself. "Miss Sasaki, wh -
what are you doing at North High?"

"It's the strangest thing. I must have sent my application to the wrong
school."

"Oh."

"So, you two have met before?" Suzumiya asked.

"Of course not." Asahina replied. "I've never met Mr. Kyon, Miss Sasaki,
Miss Nagato, or Miss Suou before. I have no idea who these people are."

I was startled at the use of Mr. in conjunction with my nickname. Had our
infamy spread out of our classroom to the entire school already?

"Well, now that introductions are out of the way, we need only add a
mysterious transfer student and the collection will be complete." Suzumiya
grinned at me like I was a tasty little mouse and she was waiting outside
my mouse hole so we could do lunch.

Behind Suzumiya's and Sasaki's backs, Asahina tapped herself on the head.

"Isn't Suou Korean?" I asked.

"Define Korean." Suou looked at me.

"I guess not. So that slot remains open."

"Why should the Literature Club care if a member is a transfer student or
not?" Sasaki asked.

"It's a mysterious transfer student. By combining multiple character types
we allow for different kinds of strange events. A mysterious transfer
student will have dark secrets from their past that would then attack
innocent moe characters like Mikuru." Suzumiya's explanation made me
suspect that she was the one with dark secrets in her past.

"Me?" Asahina looked around nervously. Her eyes settled on Suou, who
smiled at her. Asahina hunched over in her chair and shivered.

"Even if we accept all of that." Sasaki's tone made it quite clear that
she didn't accept any of it. "How will you be able to determine which
transfer students are mysterious, Suzumiya?"

"Well any student who would transfer so early in the semester would have
to be mysterious."

Sasaki sighed. Stood up and walked over to Nagato. "Can we have the
application sheets please?"

Nagato pulled out a half dozen sheets, but Suzumiya plucked them out of
her hand, went back to the table, wrote changes to each sheet with
pen, then handed a copy out to everybody other than Sasaki. The
applications now had Literature Club crossed out and SOS Brigade written
in place of that.

"Come along, Kyon." Sasaki gathered her things into her bag. "We'll settle
this with the school authorities tomorrow."

There was a knock at the door so I went and let Kunikida in to gather his
things.

I stopped to chat with Sasaki in front of her house, so it was around six
p.m. when I rode up to my house. Asahina was waiting there for me.

As she ran up to me, I could see that she had been crying.

"Kyon, it's terrible, I can't contact the future or time travel. It's like
the base station doesn't even exist! And even the classification system is
offline."

"What?" I held her as she sobbed against my shoulder. "Why don't you come
inside and sit down?"

"No! There's only one remaining emergency procedure to try. We must go to
Miss Nagato and get her to check the timelines."

"Do you know where she lives?"

"Yes. It's not far. We can ride your bike there."

Having Asahina hold onto my shoulders seemed to invigorate me, and we made
good time to Nagato's apartment building.

Asahina punched 709 into the intercom. "Miss Nagato. We must speak to
you. There's something wrong with the timelines."

There was no response over the intercom, but the doors were buzzed open.

At apartment 709, Nagato opened the door as Asahina was reaching for the
doorbell.

Nagato served us tea and listened to Asahina's explanation, which seemed
to make far more sense to her than it did to me.

Asahina concluded with. "So, can you help us?"

"Checking. The timelines are indeed disrupted. Multiple time loop
paradoxes are interfering. Attempting to synchronize across
timelines. Packet drop. Data error. Logic Fault. Attempting emergency
reset." Nagato glowed then dissolved into a checkerboard pattern of large
pixels before reforming back to herself. Her eyes widened as she looked at
us.

"So, did you find the error?" I asked.

"What are you two doing in my apartment?" There was a hint of fear to her
voice as she abandoned her usual monotone.

"You invited us in. We met at the Literature Club, remember?"

"You want to join the Literature Club?" For the first time something
almost like a smile came to her face.

"I guess that's the plan?" I turned to Asahina.

"Did you find the problem with the timelines?" Asahina asked.

"Timelines? Which science fiction novel are you talking about, Miss?"

"You don't remember Miss Asahina?"

"I may have seen her at school, but I remember you. You're the boy who
helped me get the library card."

"Yes, yesterday."

"No, several months ago, back in May."

"It's May now."

"No, it's December."

I pulled out my phone. "See, it's May."

"Your phone is malfunctioning. Have you checked the battery?"

I stood up from Nagato's kotatsu, walked over to the glass patio door that
led to her balcony and opened it. "Feel that? It's May."

"How can this be?" Nagato walked up next to me. "It's been much colder
these past few days."

"I don't have time to deal with all of this right now. My mom is going to
call me any second now, and ask where I am. Can I give you a ride home,
Asahina?"

"Nobody is waiting for me. Well, not in the here and now, anyway. I'll stay
with Nagato and see if I can learn anything else."

"Do you trust her, Mr.?"

"Just call me Kyon. Everybody else does. And yes, I guess I do."

When I did get home, I found that my dinner had been placed to the fridge
and with a little zapping in the microwave I sat down at the table.

My sister walked into the dinning room. "I told Mom you had to go back for
your homework."

"Thanks."

"So, what's she like?"

"Who?"

"Your new girlfriend. The girl you were hugging in front of the house."

"I really don't know."

"You're turning into a real player, Kyon. That's not the big brother I
know."

Finally she had called me big brother, but in the worst possible way.

On Wednesday morning I found a note in my shoe locker. I think I managed
to pocket it without Sasaki noticing.

I ducked into the boys' room on the way to the classroom and examined the
note in a stall. It said that I should return to classroom 1-5 after the
students had left for the day.

I arrived in the classroom just before the teacher. I pondered who the
note could be from. It couldn't be Sasaki, who would be riding home with
me anyway or Suzumiya, who would have chosen a more direct route. That
left Nagato or Asahina, but even they seemed unlikely. Suou? Even more
improbable.

After classes we went to the club room again. This time Nagato seemed
eager to take the application forms that Sasaki brought. Even Suzumiya
reluctantly joined the Literature Club. Suzumiya nominated herself for
President, and Sasaki was about to reply when I suggested Nagato, as she
had the most seniority. My motion carried with only one dissent.

Nagato gestured me over and whispered in my ear. "Is there somebody
sitting next to Miss Sasaki?"

"That's Kuyou Suou."

"I can only see a shadow out of the corner of my eye, but my glasses seem
fine otherwise?"

"Suou is a special case, don't worry about it."

Suzumiya and Sasaki started to argue with a flustered Nagato as to what
the club should be doing and I took the opportunity to slip out of the
club room.

I returned to classroom 1-5 and was startled at who it was who was waiting
for me.

"Please come in, Kyon." Asakura's smile was, as always, the very
definition of lovely.

"This is your note, Miss Asakura?"

"Why, yes it is."

"What did you want to see me about?"

"Well, first we need a bit of privacy." Asakura swept out her arms and the
walls floors and ceiling dissolved into shifting geometrical shapes. Even
the furniture vanished.

"What?" I turned to the door I had just walked through, but it wasn't
there. The ever shifting patterns seemed to define an improbably solid
wall. I turned back to Asakura. "What is this?"

"Hush!" She pointed a finger at me and I froze into place, unable to move
a muscle.

"Here we are in a temporal crisis, and you take out the interface with the
best time manipulation abilities." She stepped slowly towards me, smiling
all the time.

"We now have her entire faction firewalled off. I can't take the chance
that you'll infect me. I'll take you out now, and we'll see which faction
responds." She held up her hand and a military style combat knife
materialized in her grasp. She raised this over her head and swung it down
towards my chest.

Suddenly I was pushed over and found myself looking up the skirt of North
High student. I recognized the long black hair. It was Kuyou Suou, and she
was wearing plain white cotton panties. She had grabbed Asakura's knife
arm.

Asakura twisted free and Suou drifted back just quickly enough to avoid
her next strike.

Asakura sized up the other girl. "So this human is a pawn of the
Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence?"

"Your terms, unfamiliar. This human, I take away."

"You can't have him!" Asakura jumped on top of me, and brought her knife
down on my chest. Her curled hand impacted on my chest with a painful
thump.

"Ow!" I looked down. No blood.

"What?" Asakura pulled her hand back and saw that she held no knife.

"Oh my."

We both turned towards the door. There was a door again. The geometrical
patterns had vanished, to be replaced with our usual classroom. The only
thing out of place in the classroom, was me, lying on the floor, with our
class representative straddling me. Suou had vanished.

"Sasaki, this isn't what it looks like."

"Then what is it?" The girl who had opened the door, that hadn't been
there a moment before, asked.

"Oh, excuse me, Kyon." Asakura stood, backed away and bowed towards
me. "We'll finish this some other time."

I chased after Sasaki. "Wait!"

"I know that boys have problems with their urges, but I thought that you
at least were sensible enough to find someplace private."

"It wasn't anything like that. You saved my life back there."

"Saved you from spending the rest of your life with Miss Asakura? I can't
imagine that many of the boys in this school would thank me for that."

-HJC
Haruhi Suzumiya Wears Prada
Nothing to do with this story, just dropping it in where it won't be seen.
Clearly a Kyonko x Haruhi story, if anybody cares to copy and paste it in.