[FFML] [SHnY] Taniguchi and Kunikida are dead.

[Henry Cobb]

[SHnY] Taniguchi and Kunikida are dead.
By Henry J. Cobb

[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru
Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]

Taniguchi and Kunikida are dead. Or at least they would be shortly. I had
them gagged, hog tied, and suspended over the edge of the North High School
roof by one rope each. A little cutting with my combat knife, and my long
nightmare would be over, as they would plummet to their dooms through the
cool night air.

As I contemplated my future life of freedom on the open road, my mind
slipped back to the day it had all began, my first day of high school.

"I'm surprised you came to North High, Sasaki."

The girl sitting in front of me turned around in her seat to respond. "It's
very strange. I'm sure I sent my letter to that other school, but I suppose
I must have written down North High on the envelope by accident. I must
have been thinking about how relieved you had sounded over the phone to
have finally been accepted anywhere."

"Perhaps you wanted to be with Kyon?" Kunikida was my other acquittance
from middle school, who had also wound up in the same freshman high school
class as myself and Sasaki.

"Naw, Sasaki's far too sensible to go chasing after a loser like me."

"It is pleasant to have at least two familiar faces at a new school, but I
hope we'll all make many more new friends here." Sasaki suddenly turned
towards the door.

I felt it too, some sort of foreboding, like a sudden drop of barometric
pressure and a slight chill in the air, a warning of unexpected
thunderstorms. I turned towards the door.

The girl who stood there should have been beautiful, but her features were
darkened with a scowl. Was it directed at me? No, a little bit forwards of
me.

"Do you know her?" I asked Sasaki.

"Not that I recall." Sasaki frowned for a moment then stopped and turned
forwards as the strange girl took the one empty seat in the classroom, the
seat directly behind mine. I could feel her glaring at my back, but didn't
dare turn around to catch her eye.

The teacher entered and had us all introduce ourselves.

Sasaki's introduction was sensible, perhaps a bit too much so. She pointed
out that we were all in the same situation, and that getting along was the
best route for each of us, and for the class as a whole.

I myself said that I looked forwards to working with the other students.

The strange girl behind me said that her name was Haruhi Suzumiya and
announced that she had no interest in normal human beings, but that if
there were any aliens, time travelers or espers in the classroom, that they
should contact her.

Sasaki's head twitched, as if she had started to turn around, and then
thought better of it.

"Same old Suzumiya." The boy whose name was Taniguchi said.

The flustered teacher ignored that comment and simply asked for the next
student to introduce herself.

The rest of home period consisted mostly of organizational matters. Only
Ryouko Asakura volunteered to be class representative and she seemed
pleasant (and good looking) enough that nobody objected.

Suzumiya fled the classroom as soon as the lunch bell sounded. Sasaki
turned around and put her bento on my desk and Kunikida joined us. We three
talked about the things we had done over spring vacation and then just as
we were putting our bentos away, that Taniguchi fellow walked over.

"Don't mind Suzumiya. She's just crazy, that's all. Speak of the devil."

Sasaki frowned for only a brief instant before turning back in her seat.

Nobody had to tell me, who it was who was standing in the doorway. I could
feel the tension again, like the build up of static charge, just before
you're hit by lightning.

And so began the pattern for my high school life. I didn't have to look or
hear anything to tell the moments when Sasaki and Suzumiya were both in the
classroom. I could feel it in the air. Any thought of being able to sleep
through classes was dashed. I was too afraid of being caught in the
crossfire.

In spite of her hopes, Sasaki never really did expand her limited circle of
friends. She was the only student that Asakura snubbed, even to the point
of always skipping Sasaki and handing me two of whatever. Sasaki didn't
seem to mind this and I couldn't take it up alone, not when the popular
girls seemed to be in Asakura's corner.

The student Asakura did take a special interest in was Suzumiya, to very
limited effect. Suzumiya ignored us common human students to the point
where she'd start changing for P.E., even while the boys were still
there. It was left to Asakura to toss us out into the hallway.

I was sitting and watching the girls run when Taniguchi sat down next to
me. I ignored him for the moment and saw that Sasaki turned in a completely
average time, with no special effort on her part. Suzumiya zoomed past her
to set a new class record and Asakura was in second place.

"How serious are you with Sasaki?" He asked.

"She's a good friend, that's all."

"Well, I'm calling dibs on Asakura. She's in the top three of the freshmen
class. Real A+ material, and I think I have a chance with her. You can try
Suzumiya, if you like. I've never seen her outright refuse a guy, but she's
dumped everybody. One relationship only lasted five minutes, or so I've
been told. So consider the challenge."

Kunikida joined us. "No, Sasaki is the best match for Kyon. She's a lonely
genius, and he's the only one who can tolerate her all the time. Look at it
like a public service, Kyon. Just think how far she could go in life with
your support."

Taniguchi turned to him. "Are you sure that Sasaki is really a girl? She's
always using masculine pronunciation."

I frowned at this. "She's physically one hundred percent female. I've seen
her in a swimming suit."

"So it's her head that's messed up."

"Do you want a fight, Taniguchi?"

"Naw. I'm just saying that if you don't see her as somebody you'd want to
date, then why not look elsewhere?"

The sports teams all begged Suzumiya to join, but she turned them all
down. She did seem to briefly join all the other clubs on campus and then
drop out of them all.

In the meantime Sasaki and I avoided all clubs and spent our extra time
studying together. We'd walk down to the station and then I'd give her a
ride on my bicycle to my house. My sister called her Sasaki-sister and my
Mom seemed impressed enough with my efforts that I could avoid cram school
for the moment.

On the Monday after Golden Week, I was chatting with Sasaki before first
period when that familiar tension again filled the air. She turned back and
faced her desk.

I had about enough of this and so I waited for Miss 'Cold Palace' to settle
into her chair behind me, and then I turned to face her. "I've figured out
your pattern, Suzumiya."

"Oh?"

"You change your hair ties to match the day of the week. Zero for Monday up
to four for Friday, right?"

"Is that all you have to say to me, Kyon is it?"

"My family name is actually -"

She cut me off. "Then you missed the most important point, because I also
change the color of the ties to match the Chinese names of the days."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. So what is your beef with Sasaki?"

"She's a weirdo."

I was about to respond rather forcefully to that, when the teacher walked
in, so I had to just turn around. As I did, I noticed that both Sasaki and
Kunikida were also turning forwards, as if they had been following our
brief exchange.

After classes I was just leaving, when Suzumiya grabbed my arm.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Where do you and Sasaki go everyday after school?"

"Well, were do you run off to between classes all the time?"

"I search the school for mysteries."

"So, have you found any aliens, time travelers or espers?"

"Not yet, but some of the students are a bit odd."

And how would you judge that? "We go to my house."

"Oh?"

"Just to study, some of us take school seriously."

"Pity it doesn't show up in your grades." She released me and turned away.

The next day I could feel the tension as I entered the classroom. What I
saw there stopped me for an instant. I put my bookbag on the hook and
leaned over Suzumiya to whisper at her. "Why did you cut your hair to
exactly the same length as Sasaki?"

She responded in her normal tone of voice. "It's not the same. I've got a
yellow ribbon with two bows in it."

I took my seat as the teacher entered, and didn't have a chance to bring it
up again with her between classes, as she made her usual dash for the door.

At lunch it was Sasaki who provided the voice of reason, as usual. "I don't
see how girls like Asakura find the time to look after long hair."

"Shouldn't you want to look your most attractive?" Kunikida asked.

"To what point? Our focus now needs to be on our studies. If we need to
judge our fellow students at all, it should be on academics, or common
interests. There will be plenty of time for biological factors later, and
anyway I have no interest for a man who would judge me primarily by
appearance."

"Isn't Kyon the person you have the most in common with?" Kunikida asked.

"Kyon, should I limit myself to whatever college you wind up in?"

"Please don't."

"And I certainly can't ask you to wait for me for four years or longer, but
I do hope we will keep in touch."

"Shall we pinkie swear on it?"

"I don't believe in such things and if you can't, I wouldn't want it to
weigh on you."

The next period teacher sent Asakura to get a handout that had been left to
wait for after another's class's printouts had completed. Asakura said
she'd appreciate some help carrying them all and skipped over Taniguchi's
raised hand, to ask me to come with her.

On the way back, with her hands free and all the handouts in my arms, she
turned to me and said. "I'm glad that Suzumiya has finally started to speak
to at least one student in our class. I hope you don't mind that I'll rely
on you from now on, to deal with the two problem students in our class."

You and Suzumiya are the only ones who have a problem with Sasaki, I
thought, but couldn't find the strength to assert my objections past her
lovely smile.

Back in the classroom, she had me follow her around as source of handouts,
until finally there were only three left. I dropped one on my desk and put
my left hand over my shoulder with one as I pushed the last one forwards
with my right hand.

Sasaki took the handout, but Suzumiya didn't, so I had to turn around to
put it on her desk. I saw that she was sleeping. I suppose the teachers
didn't want to hassle with her, and they certainly couldn't object to her
excellent grades.

After classes I was getting ready to leave, and saw that Suzumiya was still
asleep so I nudged her.

"What?"

"Schools over. Time for you to try out the next club."

"I've tried them all. They're all boring. You didn't miss anything by not
even trying."

"So why are you so sleepy?"

"I've been checking out rumors of hauntings."

"At night, all by yourself? What do your parents think?"

"They think I'm sleeping."

"Why not hook up with the mystery club or the paranormal club and go with
them, to have safety in numbers?"

"Neither group does anything. At most they just sit around and read
stories. It's boring."

I saw that Sasaki was waiting by the door so I cut the conversation
short. "If you don't like the clubs we have here, then you can just go make
your own."

Suzumiya turned away and I thought that was that.

The next Monday we had a reseating lottery and I got the next to last seat
by the window, with Sasaki just ahead of me. My joy was short lived as
Suzumiya got the seat behind me again. It was some sort of fated Satan
sandwich, and I was the meat to be grilled in the electric tension.

When the lunch bell rang, I heard Suzumiya get out of her seat and I
assumed that she would be doing her usual rounds, so I reached for my
bento. My hand never got to my bag. Instead my arm was almost yanked out of
its socket, as Suzumiya dragged me from the classroom. She dragged me down
the hall and I just got to my feet in time to be led up the stairs, all the
way to the locked roof exit.

"That's a great idea!" For once her scowl was replaced with a smile that
almost lit up the gloomy stairwell in its brilliance. It wasn't a lovely
smile, like the kind that Asakura always had, just dazzling, with more than
a hint of mischievousness to it.

"What?"

"We'll form our own club!"

"We?"

"Look up the rules for forming a club while I go find a room for it!" She
dashed off before I could object.

I made my way carefully down the dark stairway, past all the junk that was
piled up there and returned to class 1-5.

"What was that all about?" Sasaki asked.

"She's decided to form her own club."

"She won't succeed."

"Oh?"

"I already looked into turning our impromptu study group into a club. We
could most likely find five members from this class to join on a part-time
basis, but there are no empty club rooms."

"Why would you do that?"

"To pad your resume with 'Study Club President', to make up for your future
marginal grades and test results."

"See, Kyon? She understands you better than anybody else in the world."

"Yeah, yeah, Kunikida. We heard you the first dozen times. If you shut up
about it now, we'll name our first son after you. If that's okay with you,
'Dear'?"

"I was thinking of adopting a third world child instead." Sasaki smiled at
the joke.

"So where are all these student club rules?"

"In the back of the student handbook."

"Thanks, 'Dear'."

Suzumiya returned at the very end of the lunch period with the same
mischievous smile, which faded to be replaced with the usual electrical
tension as her eyes settled on Sasaki's bento, sitting on my desk.

I stood and grabbed my bag at the end of classes, and then Suzumiya grabbed
my arm and started dragging me out of the classroom.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Our new clubroom!"

"Did you hear that 'Dear'? She thinks she knows better than you. Sit tight,
this won't take long."

"I'll come along to save you the trip back, Kyon."

We three went downstairs and over to the old building and then back up to
the top floor.

"See, Kyon? Isn't it great?"

"This is the Literature Club room."

Both girls were talking at me, to have their argument. I couldn't recall
one moment when they had talked to each other, except perhaps Sasaki's
unreplied greeting one day.

"But there's nobody here!" Suzumiya opened the door to the room. There were
two bookcases, a table, some chairs and a petite figure reading a book by
the window.

"Hi, Nagato."

The Nagato girl did not respond to Sasaki's greeting.

"Who is she?" I asked Sasaki.

"She's the only member of the Literature Club, so it's as good as gone
anyway." Suzumiya replied. "Kyon, how many members do we need for our new
club?"

"Five."

"So with you and Nagato, we only need two others."

"Perhaps she has a point, if we both join the Literature Club, we'd only
need two other members and if we get Kunikida to sign up, we can make you
president, Kyon."

"What? I'm going to be Chief!" There is was, the first time Suzumiya had
ever responded to Sasaki.

"You get good grades already, Suzumiya. Kyon needs the resume padding, or
he'll never get into a decent college."

Feeling no longer needed, I slipped out of the sandwich and sat on a chair
in front of the bookcases.

"But I'm the one who came up with the idea for a new club. You're just a
tag-along."

"What new club?"

"The new club I've decided on."

"Oh, what's the name?"

"I haven't decided on that yet."

"That doesn't sound like much of an idea then."

Nagato closed her book, walked over to the bookshelf and exchanged it for
another one.

"Nagato, how many of these books have you read?"

She stopped and looked at me through her huge glasses. "Most."

"Have you tried the city library?"

"Library?" Nagato tasted the word, like a tiny nibble from an unfamiliar dish.

"Leave the book, grab your bag and follow me."

She put the book back on the shelf, walked over to her seat and grabbed her
school bag.

I walked between the two girls from my class, who were still arguing.

"Kyon, where are you going?" They asked in unison, then glared at each other.

"The Literature Club's first field trip. Only students interested in
joining need follow us."

I walked directly out the door and down the stairs, pausing only after the
school gate to count that all four girls were following me.

Four?

"Who are you?" I asked the pale skinned girl with black eyes and long black
hair.

"That's Kuyou Suou." Suzumiya replied. "She's the other strange girl from
Nagato's class. She doesn't say much."

I was starting to suspect that Suzumiya considered 'strange' to be a
synonym for 'shy', and so she herself could never be considered 'strange'.

Down at the train station, I looked up the map and announced that we only
needed to go three stations. We all bought tickets, except perhaps for
Suou, who was one moment outside the gates and the next moment inside
them. I hadn't seen her jump the gate, she sort of appeared there. In fact
she didn't seem to show any sort of effort to move. She just drifted along
like a cloud.

At the library I showed Nagato how to register for a library card, while
Suzumiya dashed off to find research materials for her new club. Suou
drifted along after me and just stood there when I sat to catch up on a
manga. Nobody seemed to mind her just standing there. It wasn't that she
was invisible, people would move ever so slightly so as to not bump into
her, but otherwise they paid her no attention at all.

After a few minutes I was officially freaked out, and went to collect the
girls.

Nagato had three science fiction books, and Suzumiya had two books on
topics so off the fringe they might as well be fiction, while Sasaki had
picked up a book on literary criticism. Suou had touched nothing.

Nagato and Suzumiya had nearby homes in different directions from the
library, and so we parted company with them there and rode the train over
to the station by my and Sasaki's house. Suou continued to drift along with
us.

Finally I dropped Sasaki off at her house. I drove half a block and then
turned back to see Suou hovering there at the same distance as
always. Apparently she had no problem keeping up with my bicycle.

"What can I do for you, Miss Suou?"

"You ... interesting." The voice sounded right in my ears, as if I was
hearing her on headphones. It was a very strange effect and the first time
I had heard her speak. Did she even speak? Had her lips moved at all? This
was a strange girl.

"Look, I'm going home now. You need to go back to your home, understand?"

"What is home?"

"The place where you come from, where you rest between school days. I'll
see you tomorrow after classes in the clubroom. Do you understand?"

She seemed to make the slightest nodding motion and then she vanished.

Had I blinked, and she'd suddenly darted out of sight? I hadn't heard any
motion, but then she seemed to always move without making a sound anyway.

I checked twice more on my way home, but saw nobody following me.

When I got home, my gradeschool sister greeted me. "Kyon! Why are you so
late and where's Sasaki-sister?"

"Sorry, we expanded our study group into an official school club, I think."

"So she's not coming back here?"

"Perhaps on weekends?"

"No fair!"

-HJC