[FFML] [Phineas and Ferb] F-Rays

[Mythril Moth]

I was not actually going to post this. It's the absolute worst thing I have 
ever written. It's dumb and the joke isn't even that funny. But, eh, what 
the hell.

P&F belong to Disney, obviously.

Also, language warning.
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Summer morning in Danville. It always starts the same: bright sun, clear 
skies, two stepbrothers sitting under a big tree in their backyard with 
their pet platypus, and a neurotic teenage girl hoping to expose her 
brothers' zany schemes and wacky inventions once and for all.

And so it was on this, yet another sunny summer day...

Until a bright white flare exploded in the sky with the muted *whump* of a 
distant sonic boom.

Phineas looked up at the sky, blinking. "What the fuck was that?"

His brother stared oddly at him. Before he could ask what was wrong...

"PHINEAS!" Candace yelled, erupting from the house. "I fucking saw that! In 
the fucking sky just now! What the fuck are you boys up to?"

Both boys stared at Candace. "Uhh..." Phineas said. Ferb shook his head and 
pulled a bar of soap out of his overalls.

"You are so fucking busted," Candace warned.

"Okay, first of all, stop fucking saying that word," Phineas replied. 
"Second of all, we haven't fucking done anything yet, and third of all, I 
don't know what the fuck that was either."

He found a bar of soap jammed in his mouth, and spluttered.

"Well, I'm DEFINITELY fucking telling Mom about your MMMMPH!" Another bar of 
soap found its way into Candace's mouth.

Phineas spit his soap out. "Something's really fucking wrong here--hey, 
where the fuck's Perry?"

=P=

Perry slid into his seat in his lair and activated the video screen.

"Agent P," Major Monogram began briskly, "Doofenshmirtz is up to his usual 
fucking evil schemes."

Perry blinked.

"Ten fucking minutes ago, everybody in the Tri-State Area started fucking 
swearing every other fucking word. We don't fucking know why, and we can't 
fucking stop. This has Doofenshmirtz written all the fuck over it. Find out 
what the fuck his plan is, and put a fucking stop to it. Good luck."

Perry saluted, and commenced the mission.

=P=

"Will you cut it out with the fucking soap already, Ferb?" Phineas 
complained. "I'm not fucking doing it on PURPOSE, I swear!"

"Yes, yes you do."

"Not what I fu--"

"Hey Phineas!" Isabella bounced into the yard. "Whatcha fuckin' dooooooin'?" 
She froze abruptly, eyes wide with horror. "Oh my fucking gosh, did I 
just--?"

"Yeah, it's kinda fuckin' goin' around," Phineas replied. He idly deflected 
Ferb's bar of soap with one hand, and glanced up at the sky. "It started 
with that fucking light..."

=P=

"Ahh, Perry the fucking Platypus! Excellent fucking timing!"

Perry glowered at him.

"I see you've fucking noticed something's fucked up in the Tri-State Area," 
Doofenshmirtz began. "Well, allow me to fucking explain...

"When I was a boy, I fucking said a bad word without fucking meaning to, and 
my father forced a whole fucking bar of soap down my throat. I was fucking 
spitting soap suds for days! So one day, I was fucking buying soap, and I 
remembered that, and wouldn't you fucking know it, I came up with a fucking 
brilliant plan!

"You see, I decided to fucking build...the Effinator!" Doofenshmirtz proudly 
proclaimed, gesturing at a machine on a pedestal in the center of the room. 
"For weeks now, the fucking Effinator has been saturating the Tri-State Area 
with subliminal F-rays! This morning, I triggered the fucking activation 
pulse, and with the fucking F-rays activated, now everyone in the fucking 
Tri-State Area is fucking swearing uncontrollably!" He rubbed his hands 
together and cackled. "And I invested in every fucking soap-making company I 
could. Imagine how much fucking soap will be shoved down everyone's fucking 
throats...I'll have thrown the entire fucking Tri-State Area into disarray, 
AND made a fucking fortune!"

Perry grabbed a giant wrench and demolished the Effinator.

Doofenshmirtz cackled loudly. "You're too fucking late, Perry the Platypus!" 
he crowed. "You see, the only fucking way to stop the F-rays is with a 
fucking Washyourbrainoutwithsoap-inator...and I never fucking built one!" He 
laughed until he started coughing. "You've fucking lost, Perry the 
Platypus!"

Eyes narrowed, Perry stormed out of the lair.

=P=

Phineas paced under the tree, agitated. "I don't know what the fuck to do!" 
he ranted. "This fucking potty-mouth thing is making it hard to fucking 
think!"

"So fucking think of a way to fucking stop it!" Isabella suggested, covering 
her face and blushing. "Oh no..."

"But I don't--oh, there you are Perry. Hey, what the fuck's Perry holding?"

Ferb extracted a rolled-up document from the platypus' bill and unrolled it, 
studying it with his head tilted. Wordlessly, he passed it to Phineas.

"Washyourbrainoutwithsoap-inator..." Phineas blinked. "Fucking erases 
subliminal F-rays that fucking cause uncontrollable swearing..." He looked 
up brightly. "Ferb, I know what we're fucking gonna do today!"

=P=

"Okay, let's see if that worked..." Phineas said after the brothers switched 
on the device they'd spent most of the morning building. "Am I saying bad 
words anymore?"

Ferb shook his head.

"Cool. Isabella, you?"

"I...I don't think so..."

"Ferb, how about you?"

Ferb cleared his throat.

"Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger 
badger badger mushroom, mushroom...nope, I'm good."

"Cool. And we still have the whole afternoon to do something really fun!"

=P=

Doofenshmirtz trembled in rage as he turned off the television, where the 
news reported that the strange uncontrollable swearing that had overtaken 
the Tri-State Area had ended as mysteriously as it had begun.

"FUCK YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!" he yelled angrily. "And no, that one wasn't 
the Effinator, that was on purpose." Sighing, he stuffed a bar of soap in 
his mouth.




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Mythril Moth
www.mythrilmoth.net