[FFML] [Sailor Moon/Eva] Usagi Evil scenes part 2

[DB Sommer]

The Usagi Evil Scenes from
Shinji Ikari, International Man of Mystery
Scenes 2

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2011

The rebuilt secret underground headquarters of Usagi Evil once again 
housed the head of the organization and her Inner Henchwomen. Seated at 
the head of the table were Usagi, and a bald Luna Bigglesworth. 
Clockwise from her were women identical to the ones that served her 
sixteen years ago, before she atomized them. All appeared untouched over 
the years, save for a few minor difference she couldn't help noticing.

"Minako, you seem to be wearing a nun's outfit. I'm glad to see this 
time around you've decided to be somewhat less promiscious."

"Actually we run a prostitution ring out of a convent. I just got back 
and havn't had a chance to change."

Usagi grimaced. It was a good thing she planned on immortality or she 
would burn for that one. She turned to the girl next to Minako: Ami 
"What's with the eyepatch? Are you in charge of our pirating operations."

"It's amblyopia." Ami explained.

"That's the name of the pirate ship? That's kind of sedate. I was always 
partial to cool names, like Tsunami, or Titanic."

Ami held a hand to her head. "It's a condition in which the vision in 
one eye is weaker than the vision in the other. Also known as lazy eye?"

"I think our special weapons division can fix you up with a laser peg 
leg. You'd have to amputate your leg to put it on, but it would be cool. 
And you'd, you know, have a laser in your leg."

"God, sixteen years on ice has made you more stupid than ever."

Usagi turned in irritation toward Rei. "What are you being so bitchy about?"

"You blew me up!"

Usagi shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is. You were 
reincarnated. You don't see Luna Bigglesworth complaining about losing 
all her hair in a cryogenic mishap."

Unable to control his laughter, Artemis pointed a paw at Luna and roared 
out, "Hahahahha! You're bald!"

Luna lashed out with a paw of her own on a console next to Usagi. A 
trapdoor suddenly opened beneath Artemis and he caterwauled  as he was 
sent down a chute.

All the senshi looked on in shock. "What was that?" Makoto asked,

Usagi explained, "Trapdoors I had installed to dispose of those who fail 
me. Or displease me. Or leave the toilet seat up. Not that that's a 
problem with any of you."

"I can pee standing up," Minako provided.

"Riiiiight," Usagi said slowly.

Artemis's distant voice shouted, "Put down that neutering kit right now!"

"In some cases it leads to places of torture rather than disposal," 
Usagi clarified while Luna snickered next to her.

It was then Usagi noticed Haruka and Michiru making out. "What are you 
two doing? You haven't become lesbians since your reincarnation, have 
you? Homosexuals gross me out." Usagi's hand wavered over a pair of 
buttons.

Haruka shook her head furiously. "Nonononono. We're, ah, cousins."

"Yes, kissing cousins," Michiru seconded.

Usagi moved her hand away from the console. "Oh, well that's okay. Carry 
on."

The two shrugged and began making out even more heavily.

Makoto looked at Usagi in confusion. "What do you mean homosexuals creep 
you out? You have  the biggest collection of yaoi doujinshi  I've ever 
seen."

"Oh no." Usagi shook her head. "Yaoi is all right since it's not about 
sex, but true love and spiritual joining represented through physical 
means. Otherwise Elricest would be just plain wrong."

"You're an idiot," Rei said.

Usagi slammed her fist on the table. "That's it! You're not Number Two 
anymore. You're just plain Rei. Ami, you're now officially Number Two."

"I'm a person, not a number."

Usagi did what she did best and ignored the statement. "Now what about 
that side project I assigned you?"

"The one about the time machine? It's over there." She pointed to a girl 
in a fuku leaning against a wall.

Usagi scratched her head. "That's just Setsuna."

"Yes," Ami said. "Since we already have a senshi--"

"Minion," Usagi interrupted.

"--Minion who can send anyone through time, I saw no reason to build 
something that was vastly expensive, time consuming, and redundant when 
the resources involved could be put to better use."

"You really have no idea of how an evil organization is actually run," 
Usagi said in a sad voice. "What about the other project?"

"Oh, that." Ami left her seat and went to a large metal door. "Well, we 
did extract your DNA and tried to make a clone. And we did. It sort of 
turned out, well, see for yourself."

Ami touched the pad next to the door and it slid open. From it emerged a 
being identical to Usagi, save that it looked like a small child version 
of her with pink hair.

"We made her from concentrated Evil, which is why she's smaller than you."

Usagi looked upon her in adoration. "I shall name her... Chibi-Me."

Chibi-Me raced over to Usagi where she picked up the mini version of 
her. "Isn't she adorable?"

"So's a rash if you look at it at the right angle," Rei said.

Lightning fast Chibi-Me whipped out a dagger concealed down the back 
collar of her outfit and threw it at Rei, who narrowly got her head out 
of the way as it embedded itself in the back of the chair.

"Now, now," Usagi reproached the girl. "Don't use knives: they leave 
blood stains. We'll get you a mini-laser. They cauterize as they go. No 
mess." She sat the girl in the chair next to her. "I am pleased with 
your efforts, Number Two. And are you certain you don't want a parrot to 
go with your pirate motif?"

"I'll grab a cutlass later," Ami said to placate her boss, taking her 
seat once again.

Usagi surveyed the others, "I have bad news. It has come to my attention 
that my arch-nemesis, Shinji Powers, was also cryogenically frozen in 
anticipation for my return. Well, that's the official reason. Rumor has 
it Old Man Gendou was tired of his son shagging all the hot chicks with 
his 'mojo', and had him put on ice so he could start scoring some. In 
any event, this could be a disruption to our plans, except for the fact 
we have a mole in their organization. And I don't mean the fuzzy an--."

"We know you mean a spy," the newly demoted Rei said.

Usagi appeared hurt. "I could have meant the animal."

"Hamsters are much more fun than moles," Minako said, giggling.

"Riiiight," Usagi said, "In any event, our mole whosenotananimal has 
positioned herself in a vital location in regards to the frozen Shinji 
Powers."

"Who's the mole?" Makoto asked.

Usagi said, "She's a critical element in their organization. Her rank is 
major, her blood alcohol content a steady .25. Her name is Misato 
Katsuragi, But everyone refers to her as.... Drunk Bastard.

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*Beeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllcccccccchhhhhh*

Ritsuko Akagi recoiled at the sight of the Nerv agent sitting atop a 
cooler that was large enough to come with an attached dolly. "My god, 
Misato, you smell like a brewery."

"Thas' oonly because ah drank one."

Ritsuko stared in confusion. "Why are you talking with an ridiculously 
thick Scottish accent?"

"Ah've been hitting the Dark Island a wee bit hard lately." [And to save 
eye strain to the reader just picture all Misato talk in Fat Bastard accent]

Ritsuko gazed at the disheveled agent who looked like she had just 
crawled out of bed, or more likely dragged herself straight in to work 
after an all night pub crawl. Then again she frequently did, which was 
why she was assigned to watch a frozen body. "You're a mess. Clean 
yourself up."

Misato sneered. "Oh is that so Miss Hoity Toity? Miss Job Security 
Because I'm Sleeping With the Boss? Well I got news for you. I emptied 
the keg all by myself." She added a wet burp to her proclamation.

Ritsuko rolled her eyes in disgust and exited the room.

Misato watched as her oldest friend left. Bah. She wasn't fun anymore 
with the 'sobreity' thing people kept talking about. Something about 
what happens to you when you stopped drinking. Like that would ever 
happen with her. To hell with falling off the wagon: she would never get on.

And with no one around, it was time to commit her act of perfidy. Usagi 
Evil really knew Misato's price: Lake Biwa, the largest body of fresh 
water in Japan, would be replaced by beer. It nearly made her climax on 
the spot.

Misato pulled out the special 'tap' from her cooler. While it would 
indeed still work on a keg, it would also work on piercing Shinji Powers 
icy confinement and tap into his 'mojo' draining him dry. Hmm. She 
wondered if mojo mixed well with vodka.

She started the tap....

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[Hours later]

Misato entered the secret underground chamber, wheeling her cooler 
behind her. "Hey all. I got your mojo for you. Now how about my 
payment..." she trailed off as she saw Chibi-Me next to Usagi. Her eyes 
lit up. "Here now you look just like the little darling on a side of St. 
Paulie Girl." She turned to Usagi. "I'll make a deal with you, Evil. We 
can forget my up front payment in exchange for that wee little thing. 
Come on girlie, get in my cooler!"

Chibi-Me hid behind Usagi. "I think not. You can have all the access to 
the bar you want and we'll work on the Lake Miwa thing once we're in 
charge. Now about our newest scheme....

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[End note: All I have written for now. Might pick it up again someday.]