[FFML] [SM] Usagi Evil scenes from 'Shinji Powers, International Man of Mystery

[DB Sommer]

The Usagi Evil Scenes from
Shinji Ikari, International Man of Mystery


A looooonnnng time ago I had planned a Evangelion/Sailor Moon/various 
cameos fusion of Austin Powers. Only I ever got to the SM scenes, which 
practically wrote themselves. Here is one of them.

xxxxxxx

1995

Usagi Evil cursed her luck as she and her pet cat, Luna Bigglesworth, 
ran for the emergency escape vehicle (cleverly disguised as the escape 
shuttle mascot at 'The Macross Experience'). As always, she had one 
nearby, planning for these occasions, namely Nerv Agent Shinji Ikari and 
his partner, Kyoko Soryu (who Usagi knew he was shagging, regardless of 
what the duo proclaimed), had once again raided the base of her latest 
operation in attempting world domination (all for the good of the world, 
of course, since she was destined to rule a Utopia called Crystal Tokyo. 
Only those U.N. idiots insisted *they* were in charge. Looking at the 
state of the world, most people would no doubt embrace her monarchial 
dictatorship as a vast improvement over the current regime.)

Her mental asides were slowing her down, so she quit having them and 
forged on ahead to the escape capsule, hitting the launch button. There 
was a bucking motion and Usagi felt the capsule shoot off with escape 
velocity, launching them into orbit.

Usagi frowned. This really was the final straw. If it wasn't for that 
Shinji Ikari jerk interfering with her plans, she soooooo would be 
ruling the world by now. But as long as that thorn was in her side, it 
seemed unlikely she would ever be making any progress on that front. 
Since her League of Problem Eliminators (which everyone annoyingly 
referred to as assassins), had failed on one hundred occasions to, well, 
eliminate the problem, it seemed she would never be rid of him.

At least for the present.

But thanks to Ami's cryogenic suspension module, there was now a way of 
circumventing that nasty little burr in her saddle. Of course she would 
have to inform her Inner Henchwomen as to the plan. And the little 
addition to it.

She hit the transmission button that patched her through to her main 
secret underground headquarters cleverly hidden in a volcano....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Did she die this time?" Rei 'Number Two' Hino asked the other senshi 
seated around the 'Evil Overlady Table' that Usagi insisted had 
installed in their secret base.

Ami looked at the transponder signal that was currently moving on the 
portable handheld computer screen in her hands. One day she would mass 
market the thing and make billions and billions of dollars. She had 
already sent a prototype to those nice people at Apple who were 
expressing an interest in it. "No, she survived. Again. You have to hand 
it to our clueless leader: she might be an inept failure, but she knows 
how to plot a good escape."

Minako looked over at Makoto with a thoughtful expression. "If a car 
battery was hooked up to your nipples and you were shocked with it, 
would you feel turned on or would your immunity to electricity render it 
meaningless?"

"Why the hell would you ask a question like that?!" Makoto shouted.

"She hasn't been laid today," Haruka said.

"Please," Michiru scoffed. "She would have jumped one of us by now if 
she hadn't had at least some sex."

"Only one? You underestimate her sex drive badly," Artemis, occupying a 
space next to Minako, corrected.

"Quit feeling up my leg with your foot, Slut, or I'm going to fry your 
ass!" Sparks jetted from Makoto's hands.

"Hmm. Don't know if that will work out so well considering it's not all 
that sensitive an area, but we can give it a try." She jumped up on the 
table, flicked her skirt up to reveal a thong, and began wiggling her 
posterior in Makoto's direction.

It was at that moment the overhead viewscreen flicked on and Usagi 
Evil's image appeared. "Okay guys, as difficult as it is to believe, the 
last operation was a bust, but I managed to escape. I... Mina, what are 
you doing?"

"Experiments in electricity." She gave one more wiggle at Makoto.

"Furthering your education. Good for you. Being assured as future Queen 
of the World, I had no need for education, but it's an admirable trait 
in my minions."

"I'm not a minion, Meatball Head. I'm a coworker," Rei grumbled.

Usagi scowled. "That is no tone to take with your master."

Luna mumbled something in her ear.

"I mean mistress," Usagi corrected.

"I'll be happy to call you mistress," Minako volunteered.

Usagi nodded in appreciation. "You should take notes from her, Number 
Two. If you don't mind your manners I might promote someone else into 
the number two slot."

"And not be your right hand coworker? Whatever would I do?" Rei said 
dryly as she rolled her eyes.

Usagi missed the sarcasm in the remark. "In any case, I have news for 
you. Seeing as how Shinji Powers keeps mucking up my plans for global 
domination, and no one in my employ is able to defeat him, I have decide 
to think 'outside the box'. Therefore I will be putting myself in 
cryogenic suspension for the next sixteen years, thereby letting time 
lessen Powers' ability in interfering in my plans by making him an old 
man. He'd  be in his thirties, at least. Practically with two feet in 
the grave."

Rei snorted in surprise. She whispered to the others, "Oh my god. She 
fell for it."

Ami's jaw dropped. She never really thought her brainless leader would 
actually follow through on such an idiotic plan when she recommended it. 
Really, the whole idea was absurd. On the other hand with Usagi out of 
the way they could run the organization far more practically. Rather 
than wasting billions in idiotic plots, they could  invest in stable 
franchises, innovative technology, and natural resources. And really, if 
you wanted to rule the world, all you had to do was bribe a few 
politicians. Why bother ruling directly when you could manipulate a 
puppet? Lose the office? Buy the winner. Everyone with any power or 
influence did it.

"We'll be so sorry to see you go, fearless leader," Rei could barely 
restrain her laughter, nor could the others seated around the table.

"We'll have a nice going away party for you after you're gone," Haruka 
seconded.

Usagi's eyes teared up. "That's so nice of you guys to offer. But that 
won't be necessary. You see, when I revive in sixteen years, I'll still 
want you as my minions. But you'd be just as old as Powers, which would 
be really creepy. So I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to all to 
die. Today. And that way when you reincarnate you'll be at just the 
right age to work at my side again."

Everyone around the table jerked and looked at each other.

Usagi continued, unmindful of their concern, "To that end I had the room 
wired to blow with the push of this button." She pointed at one right 
next to her console. "So, I guess that settles thing. See you in 
sixteen." And with that Usagi pushed the button just as the others 
started to rise from their seats.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[End scene one]