[FFML] (fic) (DC Comics) Now Is The Time (G)

[Gary Kleppe]

On the positive side, this accurately reproduced the flavor of silver  
age comics.

On the negative side, this accurately reproduced the flavor of silver  
age comics. :)

Back then, characters like SG and BG didn't show a lot of personality.  
Like just about all the heroes back then, they got the job done but we  
never learned a lot about what motivates them to do what they do. And  
so with your story. Certainly it shouldn't be angsty, but it would  
help to get a sense of what the characters *feel* about what's  
happening.

I also felt that the narrative was a little thin. Case in point: "the  
sound of a time machine disappearing." Even if all time machines in  
the DC universe sound the same, which is unlikely, your reader still  
has no idea of what they sound like. If they make a periodic wheezy  
clanking sound that fades away when they leave and ends in a muted  
thump when they land, say so.

Oh, and the semi-obligatory grammatical correction:

> Someone in Japan had launched him or herself forward in time
> five years without bringing their time machine with them

There's a "number mismatch" here (inconsistency of singular vs.  
plural). Change it to:

Someone in Japan had launched him or herself forward in time five  
years without bringing his or her time machine with them

or:

Some people in Japan had launched themselves forward in time five  
years without bringing their time machine with them

(Supergirl obviously can't tell whether it was one people or more than  
one, so either form works -- it just has to be self-consistent.)

Here's hoping you are over the writer's block and will keep creating  
new stories for us to enjoy!