[FFML] [fanfic][Sailormoon] Moonshadow chapter 19 (draft)

[Adrian Tymes]

Nice as usual.  A few nits:

--- On Tue, 5/11/10, Mythril Moth <mythrilmoth at sbcglobal.net> wrote:
> revealing a couple of
> things which most 
> certainly did NOT belong on Tokyo Tower.
> 
> =-------------=
> 
> A black demon panther sat primly in front of what could

Same scene, so why the scene switch?

> The next bolt caught Beruche in the side, knocking her
> against the brown 
> device. As she sprawled, Luna charged again, eyes blazing.
> Unable to regain 
> her footing in time to guard, Beruche was sent sprawling,
> tumbling 
> side-over-side toward the edge of the roof.

"sprawled" and "sprawling" in close proximity.  Might want
to change "As she sprawled" to "As she recovered".

> Jadeite promptly vanished without so much as an
> acknowledgement.

acknowledgement -> acknowledgment

> she was pushed back half a
> metre by the impact 

metre -> meter

> "Take heart in the knowledge that yours shall be an
> honourable death," the 
> Shitennou continued.

honourable -> honorable

> The searing heat travelled down the
> Senshi's legs, 

travelled -> traveled


> Nephrite stood in the alcove for several minutes, silently
> watching the 
> discarded butts smoulder, then faded from view.

smoulder -> smolder

> =-------------=
> 
> A thick, silver mist surrounded her.

You didn't mention which "her" this was, in this scene.
Depending on how you develop it, it may be impossible to
determine later - which would make this entire scene
pointless.  (As it is, it's useless for character or plot
development unless and until paired with some future event.)