No subject

simple-to-correct mistakes like randomized capitalization, punctuation
errors, letting the informality of your habitual speech patterns spill
over the normally formal-written narrative, and so on. Then again, at
least there's some improvement, and barely any typos at all. Just try
to familiarize yourself with proper capitalization, comma use, how to
type ellipses, how to identify compound descriptors from non-compound
descriptors, and so on.

As for the story itself: Wow. For a fic that's so ungrammatical, it
sure is very interesting to read (to say the least). Where to do I
begin? After getting off to a good start with Chapter 6's awesome
musical ending, we got Kyle having a curious bonding moment with
Serenity (who either acted like a straw feminist or someone who's
merely a product of her own matriarchal society), sudden fanservice,
and Serenity disappearing _again_ (which dismays be, because
apparently the whole point of her being there is to provide Mario and
Luigi something to quest for).

Then again, the scene where Serenity automatically picked up and
understood languages was certainly a barrel of laughs (and a testament
to her own awesomeness), even though it now retrospectively makes me
question whether or not the people of WoW know English or not. If the
people at the bar didn't understand English, did Kyle and the band
sing the songs in English, and the people still found the strange and
confusing words interesting to hear despite not understanding them
like occidental J-pop fans? Or did Kyle and the band translate the
English songs on the spot a la an Improv show, and the people loved it
despite its haphazard creation?

Also, in fairness, Matt and Kyle had their moments of badass as well,
which I found genuinely impressive even with my negative bias over
self-inserts such that I tend to categorize them with Canon Sues and
Mary Sues (with Matt, it's his and Tannim's insistence to uphold his
moral code when it comes to killing, even at the cost of getting in
Kyle-Jae's way; with Kyle, it's his and Jaessica's Batman-like
interrogation scene of the youths). Heck, I'm already warming up to
Kyle as a character, even though I still see him as nothing more than
the Sasuke of this fic.

Other than Serenity (when she's not being kidnapped), I've found
another saving grace for this fic--it's the fact that the self-inserts
are being developed the same way any protagonist or story character is
developed, flaws and all, so it reads less like wish-fulfillment and
more like an honest-to-goodness story about adventurers you can give a
damn about because of their humanity instead of their superpowers. I
heartily approve.

Moreover, Kyle and Matt have begun to shine as protagonists during
their Big Damn Heroes moment in rescuing Queen Serenity. The old bait
and switch tactic Kyle used against the Gold Farmers was impressive as
well. Also, the chemistry between Kyle and Matt (which was absent in
the Prologue to Chapter 3 and was just becoming more apparent in
Chapter 4 to Chapter 6 because they kept having separate adventures)
is definitely in the forefront this time around; the fact that Kyle is
inhabiting a girl's body just brings a whole new level of hilarity to
the entire relationship as well. Dax is a barrel of laughs in his own
right as well, and I was genuinely surprised when he turned out to be
a traitor. I didn't see that one coming.

I'll admit it; I initially didn't think that the ending parts with
Kcalbanihc would work, and the arrival of Mathais Shaw (unless I
missed something) smelled rather deus ex machina-ish. Boy, how wrong
was I! ^_^ Once Dax turned traitor and the self-inserts were put in a
loop by the magnificent bastard that is Kcalbanihc, it became a
Lensman Arms Race of Awesomeness. It was a battle of Genre Savvy
between Kcalbanihc, Kyle, Matt, and Dax (too bad Serenity had to be
turned into the designated damsel in distress with a dead daughter to
pull this Big Damn Heroes moment off, but she's admittedly most
awesome when she has her McGuffin alongside her inherent awesomeness).

First, we had Kcalbanihc perfectly anticipate Kyle and Matt's attack
using Dax, a few moronic guards, and so on to pull off a pretty
convincing ruse (it had me fooled, at least), gloating in true
villainous fashion. Kcalbanihc could've killed Kyle, but didn't when
Kyle showed off his apparently extensive knowledge of WoW. Facing
insurmountable odds he can't hack and slash his way through, Cloud
Cuckoolander Matt tries out the old Bond Villain Monologue trick on
Kcalbanihc, which he surprisingly humored for the sake of bashing Kyle
to the ground.

Kyle really sells the entire torture thing well, which adds a lot of
physical drama on top of the emotional drama of finding Serenity badly
bruised and broken while Kcalbanihc reveals his truly diabolical plan.
Afterwards, Dax gets in on this game, which leads Kyle to think out of
the box and use his spoiler powers to get Dax to abandon the plan and
go warn his master of impending WoW-related danger (a brilliant move
on Kyle's part that _truly_ takes advantage of the fact that he's a
self-insert without necessarily going the deus ex machina route).

Then, just as Kcalbanihc decided to finish off Kyle, Mathais Shaw
arrives to save the day with the rest of the Alliance (again, a bit
deux ex machina if they just showed up for no reason other than chance
unless there was a scene where Kyle asked the Alliance to follow them
into this place... I'll probably need to read the next few chapters to
find out what's the deal with their arrival) and heals the three
heroes. Then, defying the seeming denouement of the Alliance cavalry
arrival, Queen Serenity drops the bombshell concerning Princess
Serenity and Matt has his shining moment then and there. I didn't
think it was possible for you to top the musical number of Chapter 6,
but here we are. You've managed to make a highly recommended fic that
encompasses the best of both worlds in terms of Warcraft and Sailor
Moon...

...If only it didn't have so many darn grammatical errors. ^^; The
irony of having such a wonderful story hidden in a pile of repetitive
and ill-punctuated paragraphs is mind-boggling in and of itself.
Again, in fairness, it's still quite readable if a bit
amateurish-looking, and I imagine WoW enthusiasts will definitely love
this fic since it's a lot more WoW-centric than Sailor-Moon-centric.
Bottom line here is that Serenity is still portrayed as awesome by
this fic even though she was reduced to being part of yet another Save
the Queen plot, the antagonist and his Starscream-like partner were
awesome too, the self-inserts' characteristics and personalities are
being developed believably, and for a story that started with a simple
premise, you managed to make it a lot more complex without necessarily
being convoluted. Just fix your grammar so that you can express your
ideas better, and Chance of a Millennium will probably shine even
brighter in the end. That's it. Thanks for writing, I'm out.

Keep on writing,
Abdiel

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to
tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are the
ones telling you they still love you and care."