[FFML] [Fate/Stay Night, Mai Hime, Sailor Moon] Unlimited Food Porn (HAS NO ACTUAL PORN )

[John Biles]

On Tue, Feb 23, 2010 at 8:29 AM, T M <allbait10 at gmail.com> wrote:

> >    "Oh, I haven't even actually arrived yet here in the
> >past," Suguira-sensei said cheerfully.  "But don't worry, I
> >don't understand temporal physics well enough to give
> >away the secrets of time travel."
>
> I like Midori's... _unique_ approach to paradox prevention. :)
>

She's naturally immune!

>
>
> >We're
> >going to start with the Old Ones and their wars with
> >Cthulhu's minions for control of the Earth!"
>
> Does that make Kagatsuchi a _Child of an Elder God_? ;)
>
>
Natch.


> >Akbar's Pawn Shop had
> >sold it to her cheap; it was practically a steal, given how
> >pretty it was.
>
> Any relation to "Ackbar's used Airships (not deathtraps)"?
>
>
Most definitely.


> >"She wouldn't be running around with Usagi and
> >Naru, having fun if she was a Servant, right?" Taiga-sensei
> >said.  "They're totally normal girls.  She's just time-
> >travelling from the future as an exchange student.  And a
> >Servant wouldn't bother enrolling in school, right?"
>
> This paragraph just makes me chuckle.
>
>
Hehe.


> >    "There are twelve masters and twelve servants chosen
> >by the Grail," Professor Tomoe said.
>
> The previous explanation had six. I presume the difference is due to
> greater
> knowledge on Tomoe's part rather than a typo?
>

Yes, he's running a bit of a scam.

>
> >    "There's a bit of a problem...someone keeps messing
> >with the time stream with extremely powerful magic,"
> >Professor Tomoe said.  "Several someones, including the
> >winner of the last Grail War that didn't happen any more,"
> >he said.
>
> And the plot thickens... This will also make eplaining how all three series
> mesh trivial. If anything doesn't match a W/i/z/a/r/d/ Wish did it.
>
>
>
Yep.


> >     "So Rider abandoned Naru's father
> >to die?"
> >
> >"I don't know the exact circumstances, but it does
> >seem the case," Professor Tomoe said.  "I guess she had her
> >own private agenda.  Once he was on his own, I expect one
> >of the other masters, probably Emiya Kitsurugi, killed
> >him."
> >
>  >   "Who was she?" Naru demanded.
> >
>  >   "She had long dark hair, not too tall, modest figure,
> >fought with twin pistols," Professor Tomoe said.  "If I had
> >to guess, I would say she might well be Annie Oakley, but
> >she never revealed her true name.  It's important for a
> >Servant to hide her true identity so people won't know her
> >history, personality, and weakpoints. Or his."
>
> I love this section. The lie is utterly believable even to the reader and
> it's a nice potential conflict to increase the tension. The speculation
> about Annie Oakley is a nice flourish.
>
>
Yep.  It's very clever on his part.


> >I couldn't even save my mother, she
> >thought.
>
> So Mai's mother was alive then? I'm fairly sure she was dead in Mai Hime
> but
> I'm not sure what this implies, except perhaps that the events of Mai's
> "Grail War" are less similar to Mai Hime than I previously believed.
>
> This is just her feeling builty because her mother died and she couldn't do
anything, as in the canon.


>
> >    "A crazy lady turned my kitty into a monster and
> >killed her!" she wailed.
>
> I actually believed the cat was dead when I read this. Given that the other
> crystal bearers were humans it certainly raised the (apparent) stakes.
>
> Yeah.


> >"The knife lady's name was a bad word
>
> Given Natsuki, I could see that actually being the case. Really, that whole
> exchange is entertaining, which is important since the scene is basically
> exposition and a plot point from Sailor Moon, but it works.
>

Yep.


>
>
> >Distantly, Saber sneezed.
> >
> >    Too far away for them to ever notice.
>
> This makes it sound like Saber will never appear, which both depressed me
> and turned out to be untrue, much to my delight. If it's a deliberate
> fakeout to make us believe Saber would never appear, it worked.
>
> Heh.

>
>
> >Shingo looked up at the giant raven.  "Holy shit."
> >
>  >  "Crap," Akira said to Shingo, then tossed him over
> >one shoulder and dropped down to the alley level, running
> >at high speed.
>
>
> I don't think I've ever seen a story where shingo takes a serious role like
> this. He and Akira will make a strangely interesting team.
>
>
Yeah, I had fun with them.  DANGEROUS fun, mind you.


> >    "That's probably Saber," Rei said.
>
> I really do enjoy all the speculation about who's who. Parts of this remind
> me of "A Night In the Lonesome October." Given that "A Night In the
> Lonesome
> October" is tied with "The Book of Night With Moon" for my favorite book of
> all time, that's not a bad thing.
>
>
I like Night in the Lonesome October too.



> >"There is no such thing as destiny," Shiho said
> >gloomily.  "That's just a lie people use to justify stealing
> >boyfriends.  We ought to go beat her up."
>
> I never really though of Rei and Shiho having any real similarities, but
> you
> raise a good point.
>

Heh.  And they're Mikos too.


>
>
> >Usagi grimaced.  I can fix everything, once I end this
> >war, she thought.  I have to.  Please don't let me have had to
> >kill Naru's mother.  PLEASE.
>
> Nice. Nothing Usagi remembers is techically untrue, just incomplete.
>

Yeah, exactly.


>
> >    "If I was a better mage, I could probably stop that
> >happening with Reinforce," Shirou said, feeling guilty he'd
> >never properly mastered the spell.
>
> Shiro is either massively overetimating how much a mage can do or that's
> the
> mother of all guilt complexs. Oddly, either could be in character.
>
>
Mother of all guilt Complexes.


> >    Archer had three Noble Phantasms:  her bow, which
> >Rin had named Glorious Dawn, her Child, the giant horse-
> >like monstrosity St. Vrus, and her crucifix, which she
> >wouldn't let Rin give a name to.  Even when Rin begged.
> >
> >    Begged a lot.
>
> I really like Rin here. :)
>

Rin has her quirks :)




>
>
> >    GIANT TIGER OUT OF NOWHERE!
> I really love this line. It's both humorous
>
and evocative.
>

Thanks.


>
> >It usually is
> >accompanied by a moment of transcendent vision.  In
> >Naru's case, it was also accompanied by the intense
> >pleasure of orgasm.
>
> Excellent delivery.
>
> >I am First in Prediction of the Future.
>
> I'm not familiar with the mechanics of the Fate/Stay Night game. Is "First"
> from F/SN or is that Amber terminology?
>
> It's from Fate/Stay Night side materials



> > But it
> >meant he was destined to make the same mistake again and
> >now he has.  Everything is ruled by the stars and they used
> >him in the role for which he is most suited."
>
> I normally dislike references to predetermination, but that's exactly what
> I
> would expect Nephrite to say.
>
>
It's how he rolls.



> >    "You have three days to leave this city.  If you mess
> >with any of my friends or cause any other trouble, I will
> >make you regret it," Naru said angrily, then softened.
> >"Please don't make me regret it, sensei.  Part of me still...I
> >really did like you until I found out the truth."
> >
> >    "Thank you for being forgiving," he said, giving a sigh
> >of relief.  He would have bowed if he had the energy to
> >move.  "I will leave."
>
>
> I'm very pleased with this resolution. Most of the time when a situation
> like this occurs the author goes for over-the-top vengeance. I was glad to
> see a more nuanced reaction.
>
>
She did, after all, have a huge crush on him and is not a cruel person by
nature.


>
> >    He blinked.  "Maid?  There are seven Classes of
> >Servants.  Assassin, Caster, Archer, Berserker, Lancer,
> >Saber, and Rider.   Not 'Maid'."
>
> It is later mentioned that the Einzbern created the Chariot class during a
> previous war. Given the way the timelines seem to have worked out I think
> Zouken should be aware of the details of that war.
>
>
Hmm, good point.



>
> >    "I hadn't even thought about the money," Akira said
> >very seriously.
>
> Money? Is Akira supposed to be mishearing mummy? Is she woried about how
> much paper towels cost? Is this a leftover from a previous version of this
> scene?
>

I no longer remember why I wrote that, so I will have to fix it.


>
> >Ami and
> >Ryo, who were headed for Rovecharate Magnet School,
>
> It took me a bit to get this one, then I laughed.
>

Heh.


>
> >    "Two Masters in an alliance," Saber said.  She and
> >Chiba Mamoru, her Master, were perched two roofs down
> >the street, watching Usagi and company.
>
> Saber! She and Mamoru make a good team.
>
>
Yep!


> >    "I believe you are the one who knows Emiya Shirou,"
> >he said.
>
> Does this mean the original F/SN timeline happened as well? Kitsurugi
> didn't
> adopt Shirou until after the fire. Did he introduce Saber to Shirou in the
> time between rescuing him from the fire and ending the war? If so, why
> doesn't Shirou remember?
>
>
Some of the events of Fate/Zero happened in the revised version of the
fourth grail war in this universe.

Also, it should be that she knew his father.


> >"You're in your twenties and you've never played a
> >video game?"
>
> So Saber appears to be the same age as Mamoru, eh?
>

Yes.


>
> >"Until I met Motoki.
> >I used to be very violent."  A bat started chewing on
> >Legolas' head.  "DIE YOU STUPID BAT!"
> >
> >Aragorn stabbed the bat and it died.
>
> With most characters "DIE YOU STUPID BAT!" would humorously undermine her
> claims to be less violent, but I think Saber appreciates the distinction.
>
> Heh.


>
>
> >    Is she just his vassal?, Saber asked herself.  But why
> >the frown at Motoki's girlfriend returning?  Or is this
> >'Reika' not a very nice person?  "Do you have a boyfriend?"
> >she asked.
>
> I really liked the way the whole Makoto/Motoki/Reika thing evolved, not to
> mention Saber's perspective on it.
>

Thanks!


>
> >    Mamoru slapped his forehead.  This was going to end
> >in fire, he could just tell.
>
> Oh, ouch. Talk about tempting fate.
>
> >"I, Akbar, am offering you my love at this low, low
> >price," Akbar spieled at Professor Eudial, who stared at him
> >with a mixture of fascination and horror.
>
> *snicker*
>
>
Akbar's love is a great deal but no one ever seems to want it!





>
> >    Gesen now announced, "COP-KILLER!  The new
> >game from COPCOM!  NEW ROUND!"  He began
> >bashing policemen flat, blasting them with lightning and
> >ripping their cop cars apart with wires.
> >
> >    Mai stared in horror.
> >
> >    Older-Mikoto said, "Also when do you learn to fly
> >and...HOLY SHIT."
>
>
> Ditto. O.O
>

TROUBLE TIME.


>
>
> >Then she rushed forwards, grabbed him, leaped
> >upwards and tumbled, slamming him to the ground and
> >standing on his prone body.
>
> I'm confused about scale. Gesen was described as a "giant" robot, which
> makes me think Gundam-scale, muti-story robots, especially with him
> crashing
> through buildings. Yet Makoto is wrestling with him as if he's about her
> height. How tall is Gesen?
>

He's about 10-12 feet tall.  In the anime, Makoto is able to throw him
around.


>
>
>
> >You cannot hope to defeat my sword, Excalibur,
> >or my servant, Joan of Arc, and her weapon, the Winds of
> >the Holy Spirit."
>
> Nice tactical thinking.
>

In the fourth war, she was mistaken for Joan of Arc by everyone.


>
>
>
> >Well, she could give him one of the wishes, when they
> >got the Grail.  One to bring back her family, one to kill all
> >those bitches who had looked down on her and one for him.
> >That's fair, she thought.
>
> Umino/Nao probably wins my award for "most unlikely couple ever" but I find
> I'm enjoying Nao's perspective on them.
>

I love writing Nao.  I love it to death.

>
>
>
> >    Professor Tomoe frowned.  "Two masters have fallen,
> >four more must fall before the Grail can be summoned.
>
> If Shinji and Zouken both count as masters, what about Mashiro? Shouldn't
> she count as fallen?
>

Shinji is actually a fake master (Sakura was forced to summon Assassin for
him, then later subconsciously summoned Lancer without realizing it); I need
to change this to make it work right.


>
> >    There was a weird noise and a large blue phone box
> >appeared.
> >
> >    Her eyes widened.  GRANDFATHER?
>
> AWESOME!
>

Hehe.


>
> >"Aloysius Death Reubeus Pumblechook III, to be
> >precise."
> >
> >    He cringed more.  "People will hear!  I depend on my
> >mystique!"
> >
> >   "PUMBLECHOOK."
>
> Silver Nemesis! I always did like the Seventh Doctor. "Battlefield"
> wouldn't
> mesh well with Saber's history though. Hooray for multiple reality
> rewrites?
>
> Yeah, exactly.



> >don't listen to little
> >things like the fact that she remembered ALL the Grail
> >Wars.
>
> Later, you reveal that defeated servants from previous grail wars are
> absorbed by the Grail. I take it Saber's immunity is somehow linked to the
> way she returns to her body between wars, rather than the Throne of Souls?
>

Yes.


>
>
> >    "Would a failure have been chosen to return again to
> >save his people in their time of greatest need?" Makoto
> >asked.  She could remember the Fall of the Moon
> >Kingdom.  "Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things
> >go badly.  But if you did the right thing, then no one has the
> >right to hold it against you.  You can't always win, no
> >matter how good you are.  And I think it's better to die
> >honorably, doing the right thing, than to live on forever,
> >doing the wrong things."
>
> I like this whole discussion. Each of them has a response that says
> something about them and their background.
>
>
Yeah, exactly.  I was very happy with it.


>
> >"She must be a not very good fit Berserker," Rin said.
>
> I think you meant something like "She must not be a very good fit for
> Berserker."
>
>
Yes.



Thanks for the feedback!
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