[FFML] [R1/2] Hearts of Ice, 25/?

[June Geraci]

Krista - it is SO good to be reading this tale again.

I don't have a lot to say - there were a few formatting problems, but I'm 
sure you'll take care of those later, and Gary caught a typo, so I didn't 
have to!

I really don't need to "criticize" - this chapter was a seamless addition to 
what came before.  If I was reading HOI for the first time I would not know 
that so many years came between chapters.  Just a few comments here and 
there:

SNIP

 "I'm so glad you're here," she
said, walking over to the Snow Woman and taking
her white hand.  "I don't know how or why, but you are. and I need your 
help."
ooooooooooooo   Way back when, I wondered how you would handle
what to do with Ranma's body.  Cold storage - very nicely done!

SNIP


Mousse had the unfortunate task of
bringing Shampoo up to speed with everything that
had happened since Cologne had tapped her
unconscious, and the stream of Mandarin
conversation emanating from the darkness outside
the clearing was punctuated with Shampoo's cries
of grief and despair.

oooooooooooooo  I have to agree with Gary here - "tapped her unconscious" 
sounds a little odd.  I think I'd prefer a blunt "knocked her out", even if 
it wasn't violently done.  I believe that's how Shampoo would feel about 
what her great-grandmother had done to her.

SNIP

It took Nabiki a few minutes to collect herself
again, and then, when she resumed cleaning
Akane's wounds, including a nasty puncture wound
in her foot that Dr. Tofu would definitely need
to take a look at when they got home, she did so
in silence, struggling to get her mask back in
place.  Akane didn't seem to mind.

ooooooooooooooo It's funny what things stick with you when you read a story. 
That puncture wound was something I particularly remembered, and I was 
fairly certain it was poisonous.  I'm glad to see it doesn't appear to be. 
I like Nabiki's thoughts in this section.
oooooooooooooooooooo

As far as the change to Kuno, I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop 
this.  Right now he's trying very hard to be noble, but I wonder how long it 
will be before he begins to slip into his old behavior.  Especially, if 
Ranma doesn't seem to be coming back, leaving Akane "free".

ooooooooooooo

Of course, you've left me hungry for more, but that is as it should be.  And 
no, it doesn't suck.

Thank you for not giving up on this story.  You've made a lot of people 
smile today!

June