[FFML] [Ranma/Marvel] Avenging Act 2 Chapter 9

[DB Sommer]

% Sorry it took so long to get back to you on this.

Chester Castañeda wrote:
> How's it hanging? Sorry for the late reply. I've been... well, busy.
> :) Swamped with work, I am. Fanfic writing and feedback making are
> great hobbies, but a guy's got to eat. :P
>   

% Amen.

> On Thu, May 28, 2009 at 12:22 AM, DB Sommer <sommert at consolidated.net> wrote:
>   
>> Avenging
>> Act III
>> The Animal Farm
>> Chapter 9
>>
>>
>> Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>>
>> Seated at her receptionist’s desk, Akane Tendou smiled dreamily as the
>> radio played a sad love song in the background. It was unfortunate she
>> couldn’t have attended the autograph session with the other Avengers,
>> but she did have her job,
>>     
>
> (nods) I know how she feels. :P
>   

% Oh, you were invited to an Avengers autograph session as well? :)

>   
>> and any chance to be with Dr. Tofu was always
>> time well spent. True, their roles were solely his being a doctor with
>> the patients and she only his faithful nurse/receptionist, but it still
>> counted as time together in her book.
>>     
>
> And, if it were a dojin, that was enough reason to push them together
> Nightshift Nurses style. Or if this were Sextacular. Akane may
> actually love such turn of events depending on how she looks at it.
>   

% Not here. No.


>   
>> A pity things hadn’t exactly been moving forward on the Tofu front, but
>> neither had Akane lost any ground. She had confidence now that someday
>>     
>
> (scratches head) Suggest: but neither had Akane lost any ground -->
> but Akane hadn't lost any ground either
>
> IMO, the above sentence is phrased awkwardly.
>   

% Used the majority of your grammar comment.s
>   
>> something fateful would happen that would enable him to see her for the
>> wonderful person she was.
>>     
>
> Something fateful, huh? What, Kasumi will die? Dr. Tofu will unleash
> the Pym inside him and transform himself into a misogynist that even
> Kasumi won't be able to stand? Akane will go into the Kami Plane and
> become a warrior about the same age as Tofu? Oh, wait... wrong kind of
> fateful. :P
>   

% Heh

>   
>> Then they would begin dating and have a
>> courtship that would be like out of some romance novel which would end
>> in marriage.
>>     
>
> Wow. Just look at how Akane's consciousness streams out into the narrative!
>   

% Actually that was what I was going for, showing her rambling and gushing.

>   
>> As her fantasy with Tofu began, she also considered the hunky and heroic
>>     
>
>   
>> under his mask was an equally heroic countenance. And his stamina was
>> not in doubt from having seen him in action. He would make for a
>> desirable partner as well.
>>     
>
> I'm suddenly getting Red Sonja vibes from this speech for some reason.
>   

% Well, Sonja couldn't play with a guy that couldn't defeat her, and 
given her rape, she never seemed that interested in finding a guy that 
could defeat her.

>   
>> But who to choose? Bah, why not take both?
>>     
>
> ...Or rather, vibes of A-hnold co-starring in Red Sonja; that, plus
> his quote about lamenting women in the Conan movie.
>   

% More of bawdy Thor leaking through. More on that at a later time

>   
>> Come to think of it, there was Ranma, too, who was nearly as hunky as
>> the Captain and a nice sort, not at all like the boys from her school.
>>     
>
> Huh. Under different circumstances of the forced parental pressure
> type, Akane digs Ranma. This isn't really news unless your view of
> Akane has been completely skewed by fanfics.
>   

% All the girls were not turned off by him at the start, though they are 
all still lukewarm about being shoved into an arranged marriage.

>   
>> And a relationship with him would answer the need for family honor.
>> Three were not too much. In fact, that was probably the bare minimum
>> necessary to sate her healthy appetite. The three of them would surely
>> be entertaining in bed—
>>     
>
> I didn't know you were crossing over Sextacular with Avenging! :P
>   

% That is on hold for an indefnite time. I'd rather focus on this and 
other things now. It's not abadoned, though.

>   
>> “Akane, why are you drooling?”
>>     
>
> And this line reminds me of how women in hentai found in YouPorn act.
> Er, oh so I've heard.
>   

% hee

>   
>> The question snapped Akane back to the world of the living. It was Dr.
>> Tofu, who was seeing his last patient out. Akane felt her face redden as
>> she recalled the totally perverted thoughts she had been having. Three
>> guys? And only one of them Dr. Tofu?
>>     
>
> Akane: If only he were Dr. Manhattan instead of YellowJacket or
> whatever alias he's using now, then I could be doing it with three Dr.
> Tofus! (drools some more)
>   

% Three words to describe Watchmen: Big. Blue. Wang.

% I understand the extended cut will show twenty more minutes of it. And 
technically it's uncut. If you know what I mean. :)


>   
>> What had she been thinking?
>>     
>
> Weaboo Rant Alert!: Women in Sommerfic tend to eschew the Nadeshiko or
> Dojikko values held dear by otaku and embodied in girls like Mikuru
> "Moe-Blob" Asahina and Belldandy types. Indeed, Avenging's version of
> Rally "Larry" Vincent and the ending of Gestalt comes to mind.
> Sommerfic women's rather "liberal" attitude about the birds and the
> bees takes a bit out of the Japanese flavorings of DB's anime fics,
> but I kind of like this different take, if you will.
>   

% I guess. Never really gave it much thought myself, but I think you 
might be right.

>
>> super hero group that has come under fire recently, the Avengers, was
>> attacked during an autograph session at a local store. Reports are that
>> they lost to a group of unknown canine super villains. Unconfirmed
>>     
>
> Ah, so you ultimately opted for the "super hero" and "super villain"
> spelling. As such, I'm merely going to check if you're using it in
> this fic consistently.
>   

% I think that might be for the best, though I need to be more consistant.
>   
>> hero. Maybe in gratitude he would kiss her the way Hawkeye had when they
>> were under the Mandarin’s fortress.
>>     
>
> Yuri Fanboys: (squeeeeing)
>
> (shudders) Fanboys squeeing just sounds sooo wrong in so many ways...
>   

% True.

>   
>> After all, kicking ass was what a warrior was born to do.
>>     
>
> Conan: And making their women lament. Don't forget that.
>   

% Must not be too good at it if they lament. :)

>   
>> The Avengers priority signal beeped. Kodachi Kunou cursed at the
>>     
>
> Revise: Avengers' priority (possessive, should have an apostrophe)
>
> ...It just occurred to me that I've somewhat forgotten what had
> happened last time. Looking into my C&C archive, no wonder; it's been
> nearly a year since the last chapter (around the time The Dark Knight
> was released, I believe), and it ended in quite a cliffhanger. The
> fact that the chapter was mostly Geobreeders-based kind of made it
> harder for the fic to stick in my mind (which reminds me, I got to
> watch an episode of that one of these days to see if it tickles my
> fancy or not).
>   

% Yes. It was far too long ago.

>
>   
>> make fuchsia the ‘official’ color of the Avengers and force him to wear
>> pants in that shade.
>>     
>
> (ponders) What if, to avoid any Fridge Logic conclusions about gamma
> radiation changing the color of your pants, Ryoga wore purple pants
> from the get-go?
>
> ...God, that's tacky. Even the first iteration of Mr. "Blind man
> dressing himself" Daredevil or Night "Superman suggested the high
> collar" Wing's costumers would be put to shame by Ryoga's yellow and
> purple wardrobe ensemble.
>   

% At least they changed DD's outfit after 7 issues or so.

>
>   
>> Punching up the alert, it informed her of the attack, and more
>> importantly, that a member of her team had been abducted. What if it had
>> been her beloved Captain Japan that had been captured?
>>     
> Is the Harem Hive Mind at play here? :P
>   

% Most of the girls have a thing for Cappy. Helps to add conflict. :)

>
>   
>> restaurant in Japan. But how would she eat through the slit in her
>>     
>
> On a side note, the costume of the Captain Japan fanart in your
> Florestica page uses the Sunfire costume scheme, right? Nice touch
>   
> that.
>
>   

% Thanks. Though there is both version of Sunfire in this (though Shiro 
is a former one as someone else usurped his guise) More on that in the 
next Act

>> helmet? Maybe it was time to inform the Captain of her true identity.
>>     
>
> Or she could open her helmet's jaw up Metal Fighter Miku style and
> ditch the Knight Saber look.
>   

% No, it's still classic Iron Man design. With boobs.

>   
>> It
>> would be a sign of trust. And then he could reveal his identity to her.
>> It would be ‘their little secret’. Oh, it was a wonderful plan.
>>
>> “Don’t’ worry, Captain-sama, I am coming to save you. Ohhohohohohoho!”
>>     
>
> LOL at the cringe-inducing laugh at the end. Almost couldn't believe
> that the deranged seiyuu for Kodachi was the exact same seiyuu for the
> timid yet deadly Shinobu from Urusei Yatsura. Imagine that.
>   

% That is something. On a side note, Combat Butler Hayate just had 
someone karaoke Cruel Angel's Thesis. I can't figure out if the VA is 
the same singer, though. Horribly enough, despite the over the top 
parody nature of he series, they're doing a pretty good job of character 
development as well, especially in regards to the harem aspects, which 
usually I don't like.

>> one of the Phantom Cats, her claws biting deeply. However, instead of
>> blood a glow came from the tear, which then healed itself before her eyes.
>>     
>
> Revise: blood a --> blood, a
>
> I've seen that effect in animation once or twice. Always thought it
> was done in part of the no blood rule in Saturday Morning Cartoons.
>   

% in this case the PCs do heal that way.

>   
>> The one that had been scratched said, “Hey, I healed from her claws.”
>>
>> “The Tigra’s powers differ from ours,” Cougar explained.
>>     
>
> Oh, great. Tigra's claws are made of Tenseiga.
>   

% Heh. No.

>
>   
> Revise: later, he
>
> He turned into light? What, is this the special effects for Xanadu?
>   

% How they travel electronically

>
>> around it: he had poked two eyeholes in one of his bandannas so he could
>> tie it around his face. No one would recognize him for sure like that.
>> It was the perfect disguise.
>>     
>
> LOL at the continuity nod.
>   

% I thought it would be a cute touch.

>
>> getting lost in space, (although maybe there was an idea for a TV
>> series, or even a movie, behind that one).
>>     
>
> Subtle. :P
>   

% Pretty cheesy, in hindsight. But I can't win them all.

>   
>> Ryouga only had enough time to yell, “Ahhhh!” and have his blood
>> pressure shoot through the roof before the truck ran him over.
>>     
>
> Even without Hulk powers, I'd be sorry for the truck.
>   

% Well, the Ranma 1/2 is toned down a bit. Martial arts tend to be 
around Iron Fist/Shang Chi level

>   
>> hijacking since its destination remained the same: only its cargo would
>> be different, and that was primarily in the form of passengers. That was
>> all that was necessary since they had initiated this plan months ago.
>> Everything was in place. It was a just a question of timing now.
>>     
>
> Hijacking space craft? A common Marvel tradition.
>   

% Indeed, unless you are financing it yourself.

>
>   
>   
>> wasn’t stronger than five. And no matter how or where she scratched,
>> they kept on healing.
>>     
>
> At least she's not in the standard "Hand over her neck and her arm
> twisted behind her back" pose many Faux Action Girls are suckers for.
> Just ask Sonya Blade from the Mortal Kombat movie.
>   

% Heh

>
>   
>   
>> The Hulk had nearly caught up to the truck when over a dozen Phantom
>> Cats sprang out from the back and leapt upon him. The jade goliath found
>> himself buried under a fur pile that wouldn’t have felt all that bad had
>> the phantom cats not been trying to claw him to shreds.
>>     
>
> (scratches head) I'm just curious. When do you use the common noun
> version of "phantom cats" and when do you use the proper noun version
> of "Phantom Cats"? I'm asking to make sure it's not a consistency
> error I'm seeing here but a legitimately grammatical practice.
>   

It shoudl have been capped throughout. I tried to revise it again to do that

>   
>> “Cat people attack Hulk! Bad kitties! Bad!” The Hulk flexed his muscles,
>> hurling the Phantom Cats through the air until they were stopped by a
>> variety of obstructions, such as walls, vehicles, the ground, and a host
>> of other very solid objects.
>>     
>
> Ouch. Good thing they're regenerators, or else they'd be road/wall/ground kill.
>   

% Yep. And it keeps the Blood off Hulky's hands.

>   
>> One of the trucks was a maintenance vehicle with a number of pipes
>> poking out the back. A Phantom Cat flew almost unerringly toward it and
>> ended up impaled squarely through the chest by one of the protruding pipes.
>>     
>
> Phantom Cat: (doing his best "Bennett" impression) Eat your heart out,
> Vernon Wells! (dies, regenerates, dies, regenerates, ad nauseum)
>   

% Heh

>   
>> then fell forward and off the pipe. As he rose to his feet, the glowing
>> spot where the hole had been disappeared. Other cats who had injuries,
>> including scrapes, cuts, or even broken bones, healed in similar fashion.
>>     
>
> The healing process reminds me of Mister Sinister from the old X-men Cartoon.
>   

% Somewhat.

>
>   
>> of the Phantom Cats staring right at her. It was very creepy, especially
>> with his inhuman eyes. Maybe she’d hit him with a repulsor blast first.
>>     
>
> Nah, go overkill. Use your super! Proton Cannon FTW! Burn that cheap,
> resurrecting bastard Gill, er, Phantom Cat!
>   

% No proton cannon. Sorry. Not every gadget is stored in there.


>   
>> Then he suddenly dissolved into a beam of energy which shot up at her
>> armor. There was a flash of light as it struck her, yet she felt no
>> impact, nor did her armor seem scorched of burnt.
>>     
>
> Well, that was unexpected (to me, at least). The Phantom Cats'
> Xanadu-effect powers are apparently multipurpose.
>   

% Like Overrider (who was one in this universe), they can overrride many 
electrical devises.

>   
>> “Not again!” Kodachi tried everything she could to regain control of the
>> armor’s systems, but it was useless. Nothing responded, not even her
>> inbuilt am/fm radio.
>>     
>
> Hehe.
>   

% You know it's bad when they seize control of that

>
>   
>   
>> “Hulk thinks this is trick. Hulk thinks you are really robot making
>> believe it’s Tin Can Girl. Hulk will smash to prove it!” And with that
>> he leapt into the air.
>>     
>
> Tsk. Yeah, Hulk learns from experience as his limited intelligence can allow.
>   

% And that hills can't be trusted.

>
>   
>> it was obvious these felines were up to no good (cat people never were,
>> as evidenced by Tigra’s sluttish demeanor).
>>     
>
> Heh.
>   

% Not a big fan of furries myself. :)


>   
>> While on one level allowing them to shoot Tigra into deep space was
>> satisfying, she deserved a better fate, such as a full body shave.
>>     
>
> On one hand, she'd look gorgeous because there's a Shampoo underneath
> that Tigra. On the other hand, the skritchy, stubble-strewn goose
> pimples and five o' clock shadow on Tigra's face is probably not too
> fetching. (resists making a tawdry "shaved pussy" joke)
>   

% Hehehe. I hadn't thought of that. Pretty amusing.

>
>> And then the hammer sailed through his chest, as though he were nothing
>> more than a ghost.
>>     
>
> I'm starting to "get" the Phantom part of Phantom Cats. (raps noggin
> with knuckles) Duh.
>   

% Apparently they are an urban legend for real out there. Go figure.

>
>   
>   
>> almost prefer the Hulk catch her and peel the armor from her body.
>>     
>
> That sounded kind of sexy.
>   

% As strong as the Hulk is, his peeling might involve layers of skin as 
well.

>
>   
>   
>> The searchlight concealed in her chest flashed out, blinding the Hulk
>> momentarily. Readings indicated the Cat was shunting one hundred percent
>> of the power into her repulsors. He was going for an all or nothing
>>     
>
> Kodachi: Damn resource-hogging repulsors! They're almost as bad as Firefox...
>   

% Nah, just that they can be maxed out when her supply is limited.

>   
>> shot. That much power, and even the Hulk might be knocked out. Or worse.
>> Her repulsors were powerful, and even she didn’t know what kind of
>> damage such a blast would do to her simple minded teammate.
>>     
>
> Proton cannon that ass. Come on, it's not as if you're fighting a
> cheap-ass Cable or anything! Tick damage him if you can!
>   

% Heh.

>
>> The Hulk held his hand to his brow, keeping out the sun, as he watched
>> her form dwindle out of sight, lost among the trees of a nearby forest.
>>     
>
> Huh. ficAkane express, Hulk-style.
>   

% True, but it's canon he can do it, he enjoys sending foes far away

>   
>> “Ooooo! Pretty. Hulk likes space shots.” He watched the craft slowly
>> lift into the blue sky. Maybe he would become astronaut instead of
>> Avenger. He bet he was strong enough he could just throw the craft into
>> space, and they wouldn’t need big rockets anymore.
>>     
>
> The thing with Hulk is that he's as much a liability as an asset to
> the Avengers Team.
>   

% At times,but normally he's a help

>
>   
>> she and Iron Rose destroyed the Mandarin’s satellite. Now that she knew
>> the Phantom Cats could become immaterial, she would be prepared for
>> them. They could be dispatched quite easily.
>>     
>
> Er, how?
>   

% Her thinking is that she's a goddess, and she'll think of something.

>
>   
>> “Oh yes. Phantom Cat abilities are very adept at raiding computer
>> files,” Felicity explained. “Rather than sending out subtle waves to
>> influence people over a prolonged period of time, we’re going to tailor
>> an EM burst that will shut down human brains instead.
>>     
>
> This reminds me of the X2 movie main plot for some reason.
>   

% It's one way of eliminating all your nasty rivals, electrocute their 
brains.

>   
>
>   
>> “You’ll kill everyone,” he said, staring at her in horror.
>>     
>
> Including him, probably.
>   

% And she'll offer to do it ahead of time if he likes.

>
>   
>   
>> dressed in a sailor fuku with green edging and lightning bolts all over
>> her boots, uniform, and gloves.
>>     
>
> Huh. What's this, a fusion between Sailor V and Sailor Jupiter? Sailor
> J, perhaps?
>   

% As introduced, the character is the Living Lightning, though all is 
not what it seems.

% The Sailor Moon counterparts will be formerly introduced next arc as 
they have a major role to play in it. I'll give a bit of a spoiler away 
in that the prologue reveals there was a Serenity was an Eternal who 
defeated Zuras for leadership of the Eternals and had them build Crystal 
Olympus in the Blue area of the moon (the Watcher was their neighbor). 
Man Beast alluded to the Celestials arriving at the end of his arc, and 
they did indeed create all three Marvel branches of races.

>
>> striking Felicity in the side. The cat girl convulsed, let out a soul
>> searing scream, then dissipated, as though she truly had been nothing
>> more than a phantom that appeared like a cat rather than a cat that
>> acted like a phantom.
>>     
>
> Sounds deep.
>   

% They may be difficult to kill, but they die loudly.
>   
>> The Living Lightning stared at him impassively. “My mistress sent me to
>> save you from certain termination. She appreciates your genius and
>> wishes to hire you, in light of the fact that once the truth of your
>> ‘communication system’ comes to light, you will be imprisoned, if not
>> executed. She offers a lucrative salary as well as benefits package.”
>>     
>
> Gargoyle: More chicks are recognizing my genius despite my disfigured
> face? Score one for the nerds! w00t!
>   

% Heh.

>   
>> The Living Lightning shook her head. “Rest assured, steps have already
>> been taken to prevent that. Were they not, I would have been personally
>> sent to destroy the satellite. Now, it is recommended you take my
>> mistress up on her offer.” She raised a glowing hand and aimed it at him.
>>     
>
> So what, they used Batman's patented contingency plans to save the day
> or something?
>   

% No, they are aware of Mystique being planted amongst the PCs. LL's 
mistress has connections.


>
>   
>   
>> “Aiyah! What mangy hairball mean?” Tigra asked.
>>     
>
> Huh. Something just occurred to me. I'm sorry if I've asked this
> earlier on, but how does "Tigra" work considering that "Elektra"
> exists? I don't recall you explaining that one, so is that a future
> plot point or is my memory merely playing a trick on me?
>   

% Shampoo/Elektra/Tigra being the same character is confirmed at the end 
of this so there is no doubt.

>
>   
>> couldn’t hope to explain it to you in less than a minute, and I’m not
>> delaying the countdown for a single second.”
>>
>> “Oooh, pretty please,” Tigra cooed, putting her most noticeable
>> attributes ‘up against the glass’.
>>     
>
> Awwww. The monologue is so cliche that even villains who have never
> picked up the Evil Overlord's Guide already know of it.
>   

% Yep. He's going to kill them all first, then brag.

>   
>> Cougar looked at her hungrily. “Don’t worry. Once I’ve confirmed the
>> extermination of humanity, we can begin the ritual of the Crossing.”
>>
>> “What ritual?” Tigra asked warily.
>>
>> “The mating ritual between the Balkatar, which is myself, and the Tigra,
>> which is you. Our union will open up a dimensional gateway between this
>> dimension and ours, which will enable the pride to come to a rich,
>> fertile, and humanless planet.”
>>     
>
> Tigra: Typical chauvinist. If it about business, you too busy to talk.
> If it about getting busy, you go yap, yap, yap, all day. Pervert!
>   

% Hehe

>   
>> The Avenger paled. “Tigra not Phantom Cat! Tigra were-woman!”
>>
>> Cougar looked at her curiously. “You keep saying that word. I don’t
>> think it means what you think it means.”
>>     
>
> Princess Bride references FTW?
>   

% Yep.

>
>   
>> knew as Mystique. The cries of the disintegrating Phantom Cats on board
>>     
>
> Oooh. Awesome twist. Didn't see that one coming either.
>   

% The problem with spreading the chapters out over years. I think it 
flows better when they chaps come out closer together. :(

>   
>> Then she waited until the last moment to place a chip which altered the
>> electromagnetic wavelength from one that killed humans to the one that
>> eradicated Phantom Cats.
>>     
>
> Again, this plot reminds me a lot of X2's main plot. The coincidence
> of Mystique being there makes me even surer of the similarities. Was
> this intentional or coincidental?
>   

% Coincidental. There are only so many genocidal plans one can come up with.


>   
>
> exclamation mark or question mark, whichever is appropriate
>
>   
>> Oh yes. Already the plan had formed in her mind. Given the persecutions
>>     
>
> Revise: Already the --> Already, the
>
> Also: They may not monologue out loud, but boy howdy do they
> soliloquize like nobody's business in their heads.
>   

% Yes

>
>   
>   
>> Unfortunately the Phantom Cats’ biases saw no difference between homo
>> sapiens and homo superior, but Mystique most certainly did. And the
>>     
>
> The Sentinels and Master Mold certainly don't discriminate against
> mutants or humans or humans of one color or another. They're all for
> equal-opportunity human genocide.
>   

% Depends on the series. Lang's series, I think were pretty linear in 
only killing mutants.


>> worldwide could theoretically be adjusted to do the same to ordinary
>> humans. Magneto would certainly be interested in the potential. Mystique
>> would even volunteer the information for nothing in the hopes it was
>> successful.
>>     
>
> I'm certainly interested who will portray "Magneto, Master of Magnet"
> in anime terms.
>   

% Maggie is canon in this. Just like Prof X

>
>> They would never accept mutants due to their inherent superiority. One
>> side or the other must fall. Not all that different from the Phantom
>> Cats perspective, really.
>>     
>
> Many people complain about Marvel's double-standard of heroes being
> worshipped and mutants being shunned, but I myself find the
> double-standard kind of true to life, really.
>   

% One of the things I think Lee intended when first creating them.

>
>   
>
>   
>> “You know, I believe you,” Mystique said. “I also believe you know too
>> much, bimbo that you are. I….“ The mutant stopped as Tigra undid the
>> cat-shaped clasp at the front of her uniform… hell, it was a bikini,
>> allowing her breasts to spill free.
>>     
>
> Er... what? Random nudity FTW?
>
> Furries: (rejoicing)
>   

% Heh

>   
>> occasion. “Sorry, while I have used male guises and slept with women, it
>> was only in the line of duty. I am heterosexual by choice, and
>> definitely not into furries. So it’s useless….”
>>     
>
> Huh. Could have sworn she was omnisexual.
>   

% I've since changed that whole thing and just made it she's not into 
furries.

>
>   
>> off the back of the ornament and pressed the clasp against the glass
>> wall. It stuck. Some sort of adhesive. Mystique watched as the Avenger
>> pulled the belt of teeth from her waist. Inserting one tooth at the end
>> of the belt into the cat face of the clasp, she then removed another
>> tooth from the middle while holding the far end. She brought the tooth
>> in her left hand back, then forward to the one in her right in a
>> striking motion.
>>     
>
> I have no idea what she's doing or what her
> apparently-more-useful-than-they-appear clothing and apparel is for
> even as I keep on rereading that paragraph.
>   

%The head is the charge and her belt doubles as a detonation cord. The 
two teeth on the end are the ignition.

>   
>> Instinctively Mystique leapt back just as the clasp exploded. The shaped
>> charge sent the glass away from the interior of the tube. She only took
>> a handful of small slivers of glass in her body.
>>     
>
> Revise: Instinctively Mystique --> Instinctively, Mystique
>
> Also: The shaped charge? Shaped like what?
>   

% A shaped charge is formed in such a way so that the force of the blast 
is focused in one direciton (in this case away from Tigra.)
>
>   
>> “So am I.” Tigra said in flawless Japanese as she held up her own claws
>> in identical fashion to Mystique’s. “Small world, isn’t it?”
>>     
>
> Aaaaahhh... Plot point. So Tigra and Elektra are one and the same
> after all. Almost thought you pulled a Ryo Saeba twins plot point yet
> again with Tigra and Elekra. I like this part. This part is cool.
>   

% Thanks.

>   
>> themselves to blame. Not that Irie really cared about how engineered
>> what. He never understood that whole ‘blood on one’s hands concept’
>>     
>
> Revise: how engineered what --> who engineered what
>
> I gather a reference to Geobreeders just flew over my head yet again. (sigh)
>   

% No, only that Irie has little in the way of a conscience.

>
>   
>> Tigra emerged from the pod, covered in a healthy amount of blood. While
>> there were missing streaks of fur from several parts of her body, and
>> one patch missing near her abdomen, there were no open wounds upon her.
>> Still she looked very much the worse for wear.
>>     
>
> Revise: Still she --> Still, she
>
> Dammit, discretionary shot. On the other hand, the casualties this fic
> has made of both the Marvel and Anime Universes are about equal. Kill
> a Haruhi here, murder a Mystique there, and get rid of the White Cross
> boy group as well.
>   

% List of the deseasced is listed in the handbook

>
>   
>   
>> “Very tragic accident. Poor girl fall on own fake claws. Several times.
>> Too, too clumsy.”
>>     
>
> Heh.
>   

% And her assassin qualities still exist, just that she doesn't show 
them often

>   
>> “I see.” Irie put a hand into his pocket, which held a small transmitter
>> with a button on it. He pushed the button. When the cat girl’s claws
>> didn’t detonate and blow her hands off, he assumed it was not Mystique
>> in disguise.
>>     
>
> Ah. It's hard to keep up with these people, especially since they're
> all little David Xanatos types of Gargoyles fame.
>   

% Irie is a piece of work, and would do that sort of thing. And as David 
Andersson pointed out he's probably toned down a little.
>   
>> “No.” If ice could speak, it would sound almost as cold as that.
>>     
>
> Nice description above.
>   

%Thanks.

>
>   
>> Tigra held out an open hand. “Good idea. In exchange, Little Man put
>> throat in here. Claws special. Only hurt lying mens.”
>>     
>
> LOL. I always like your portrayals of Shampoo. This one has the spunk
> that the Shampoo of A Warrior's Path definitely has.
>   

% Thanks again. It took me a while to do that scene

>   
>> “I think Narusawa is up to the task,” Irie suggested. When Tigra saw it
>> was a woman, she agreed to a private one in the shuttle, though she did
>> grimace as Narusawa put on a rubber glove.
>>
>> A few minutes later, both women emerged from the pod, Tigra looking more
>> pissed than ever.
>>     
>
> Er, yeah.
>   

% I had to have a proctologcal exam once. Brrrr.

>   
>> “I’ll accept your word that you won’t tell anyone about the events that
>> happened today. Besides, who would believe a story about a race of
>> Phantom Cats? It’s not like there’s any proof, now is there? Purely
>> urban legend, like the rabid albino alligators that supposed live in
>> sewers. Only children take nonsense like that seriously.”
>>     
>
> In a world populated with mutants, aliens, monsters, sorcerers, anime
> characters, and superheroes, this reasoning is still feasible?
>   

% There's a difference between singular oddities like super heros and a 
whole race of aliens bent on world domination. At least to some people's 
way of thinking.

>
>
>   
>> “No, we’re out of jobs. People won’t hire us to stop Phantom Cats if
>> there aren’t any Phantom Cats to stop.”
>>     
>
> Geobreeders: Yet another series that the Avenging Universe has ruined. :P
>
> Haruhi: God is dead. And so is Wolverine.
>
>   
>> “Actually, I have a better idea. I’m thinking something big. Something
>> lucrative. Something like… Heroes for Hire.”
>>     
>
> Just don't use tacky disco suits as costumes and you'll be fine.
>   

% Heh.

>   
>> “Unless they’ve copyrighted it, it’s up for grabs. Maybe we’ll even hire
>> them on as additional staff.”
>>     
>
> I like how they think.
>   

% It was fun to use them, even if only in a limited role.

>   
>> Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>>
>> [End Act III]
>>
>> Finally, everything is wrapped up for this act. Yes, I know this act was
>> a bit weak on characterization and moving major things along in the
>> cast’s alter-egos lives, (well, except for resolving the Ranma/Ryouga
>> conflict.)
>>     
>
> It did feel kind of rushed and all. If it's any consolation, it still
> read quite well, and had some unexpected twists that make a lot of
> sense afterwards instead of feeling tacked on for the sake of
> surprising readers.
>   

% Oh, I plotted it out fine, it's just I kept it moving very fast and it 
ended abruptly, though there was no way to avoid it, I think

>
>   
>> wasn’t all that big. You’ll note I took a ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ bent
>> with the Phantom Cats arc (the hero had no effect on the end result)
>>     
>
> Yeah, I definitely did. Hmmm. Good point about the Raiders comparison.
> Why was Indy there? :P
>   

% Eyecandy for us?

>
>   
> As for the fic itself: Hmmm. "Hmmm" indeed. The thing that I found
> most "off" about this chapter is the fact that the Avengers did diddly
> squat in affecting the plot because larger, more powerful forces ended
> up saving the day. Huh. Of course, I did kind of like the twist of
> Mystique being there and Gargoyle being betrayed by your self-admitted
> throwaway character, only for her to be foiled by (I'm guessing)
> Sailor Jupiter.
>   

% Things were set up well in advance of that happening. But yeah, for a 
change the heroes didn't end up saving the day. Actually they basically 
got beat. Luckily it turned out all right in the end.


> I liked the Tigra character development parts and the (I believe)
> confirmation that she's Elektra in disguise.
% Yeah. I felt I needed to spell it out


>  I consider this chapter
> more of like "A day in the limelight" for the newcomer Tigra, so I'm
> not entirely averse to it. The action felt slow to me in the first
> parts because, as I've mentioned, I'm not Geobreeders-savvy. On the
> other hand, once I'm back on familiar ground, the awesomeness of the
> Tigra-Mystique (unelaborated) confrontation saved the fic for me. Not
> bad. If any readers out there are actual Geobreeders fans, then maybe
> they'll enjoy the fic from start to finish. If they have intimate
> knowledge of all the Marvel cameos and appearances done here, then
> that's even better. That's it. Good chapter. I'll be looking forward
> for more. Next up: Hearts of Ice C&Cing. See ya, DB.
>   

% Thanks. I'll try to get the next chapter out in less than a year. :)

% Thanks for the comments. They were really appreciated
>
> Keep on writing,
> Abdiel
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
> That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have
> their shoes.
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